HOH

Trying to sleep as a child can be a full time job.

HOH

 

The hounds of hell

Have caught my scent

They have been chasing me

My whole life

In my mind

In my dreams
they breathe on me as I sleep

They growl as I pray

I would rather piss the bed

Than risk an encounter

The hounds of hell have caught my scent

Their mouths are on my neck

I am terrorized

I am nine years and wanted to die......

Reviews

[Layla J Omorose]

Interesting. This child must be extremely traumatized. Good job.

[joshua deathdealer]

Great write..took me back to moments in my childhood. Well done.

[Daytonight]

You have definitely conjured up feelings of terror and nightmares with the hounds of hell chasing you. Keep on penning.

[WatashLegend]

My childhood before me I love it!! great write :)

[Calypso]

The metaphor you are sending across is good

[Chris]

Flavor-full, rhythmic... it draws and holds and then -
the last two lines... why?

Minus the aforementioned - using "caught" a second time doesn't feel right or as strong and immediate as a horror point (to me) as the entire line would become if you just dropped "caught" from the line. To me - THAT adds emotional impact, more immediacy, and BITE.

I 'gave' you no words, didn't rewrite YOUR work, nor change your intent. I asked a question or two.

Take care,
Chris

[Michael of Gilead]

I guess i've had a bad night or two as a kid...but nothing like this ;)

[FireWoman]

We must identify what those demons are. (Which I'm sure you have) Then try to overcome & realize that it is not us, it is them. You take me back there & I feel each word, great work.

[LinBin]

So intense, a real powerful piece , well done x