Chapter 13 - Lose My Way

      Jake waited in anticipation. He had no idea what he was waiting for, or whether what he was waiting for would actually happen, but he waited all the same.

Jake hadn't cried since his dad had left all those years ago. But, watching April drive away in the same way in the back of her mum's Peugeot, he had felt all the feelings he'd felt as a little boy gush back into his heart. He had acted like a crack in a pipe, letting all the inside run through from where it was supposed to be kept.

Was it something about him? Did he just drive people away �" literally? Was it some kind of curse that whoever he grew to love more than anything would end up having to leave for some reason or another?

He'd been freaked out at first. It had taken him a long time to believe April that she was a clone, but he'd eventually come around. For one thing, it explained some things that wouldn't have otherwise made sense, like how her parents were a generation above his and how her and Gemma were identical. In all honesty, he still wasn't really sure what to believe, but for another, he'd decided it didn't matter enough to get between them.

And then she'd just gone. She'd told him that she wouldn't be back. He'd tried to persuade her to stay, but her mind had been set. She hadn't even told him where she'd gone, or accepted his offers to come with her. He felt awful.

But, according to her mum, if she would be coming back at all, she would be coming back today.

Around about now.

He bit his nails as he paced around her drive. He walked out through the gates once more to see if their car was in the distance. Nothing.

He walked back to where he'd previously been leaning against her fence, where the road ahead was just out of sight. He could tell already that today was going to be the longest day he'd ever lived through.

It was then that he heard the brilliant sound of car tyres grazing against the road, the friction between them heating both materials. Jake leapt from the fence, never having been more eager to see someone.

She was in there.

But, for some reason, her mother �" Marilyn, or Mary for short �" was shaking her head at him. Gemma was in the back too, but she looked normal. As far as he could see through the shield of glass in the car windows, April looked dreadful, and as highly as he thought of her, it took an awful lot for him to say something like that.

The car rolled to a halt, pulling up smoothly in the driveway. The passengers sat still for a moment. It was Mary who got out the car first. Her frail, shaky fingers gripped the door as she firmly shut the door.

She turned round to look at him, shaking her head. There was recognisable pain in her eyes, like someone had just pointed a gun to her head.

“Jake, I think you should go home,” she warned him, already knowing that her words would not be enough to suppress him.

He advanced closer to the car, frowning and not meeting her eyes.

“Why? What's going on?” he said, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, though coming across a little weird. Mary didn't look like she cared though; she just looked tired and worn out.

“Where did you all go? What's the matter with April?” Jake persisted. “Tell me, please, Mrs May?” he asked, with a slight edge to his voice that Mary didn't like.

“Jake, I need you to go home. All will become clear later, but for now, you have to leave.”

“Why isn't April getting out the car, Mrs M? Where did you take her?”

“Go home, Jake.”

“Not without April. What's happened to her?”

“April is home, Jake. She needs some time. She needs you to go home.”

“You don't know what she needs! You never did!” Jake found himself shouting. Risky, considering he needed her to be on his side.

“I know I've made mistakes, Jake, we all have. But you're making me a little uncomfortable right now, and I can see you're very upset, so I think it would be better for everyone if you just go home. I'll pop round later, if you like, to explain everything to you. But while I sort April out, we need some time, and some space. Do you think you can give us just a little bit of time and space, Jake?”

Jake remained silent. But, he stepped back.

“Sure. Sure. It's fine.”

“Thank you. We really appreciate it. I'll come and have a chat with you later today, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Jake agreed, reluctantly.

He should have stopped there. But, like always, he couldn't. So, just when Mary had thought he'd been about to turn around, he'd instead rushed past her and fumbled for the car door. After prising it open, he'd leaned into April.

“April! You're okay, aren't you? I just need you to get out the car, and tell your mum that you need me. Can you do that?”

She stared at him, blankly. Her rose petal mouth formed a perfect 'O' of confusion. But it wasn't her usual mouth �" it was ever so slightly lob-sided. Like she had a brace in or something, but she didn't. He could imagine her speech being slightly slurred. One of her eyes was only half open, which differed hugely from their usual, startled selves.

“April? Can you do that?” Jake asked again, beginning to well up for the second time in years.

April said nothing. Mary sighed, and said, “I was hoping I could have a little time to whiz April to hospital before I would have to break it to you,” she began. “But April isn't well. She's been sick for a long time. Both girls, because of their special condition which no doubt you already know about were supposed to die today.

“And they did. They did die, Jake, but it just doesn't look like it. I'm fine, personally, because I knew it was going to happen. I understand what you must be thinking: they don't look dead? I agree �" they don't. That's even worse. You think they're the same, but if you look really closely, you can see that they are different. Not different people; not even people at all. These are just bodies with a pulse, Jake. As hard as it is to process, you have to understand that these girls are not really girls, they are just empty. They don't have memories, they don't have thoughts, and they don't have feelings. Especially not love. She doesn't know who you are, Jake. Don't confuse her even more. It's like she's been wiped clean of her life so far, and has a whole new brain. Imagine a baby inside a grown girl's body, and that's my April. Do you understand now why you have to leave her alone?” Mary said, her monotonous voice echoing around his closed mind.

“No, you must be mistaken, Mrs M. April will always love me. Of course she remembers me. Look. April, get out of the car. Come to me, because I'm Jake and you love me, don't you?”

Both Jake and Mary felt tears rise to their eyes as April looked around, unsure of what was going on and not understanding the words that were being said.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I wish more than anyone that she would get out of the car and come to you, but she isn't going to, so I have to get her out myself. I'm not going to do that though, until you're out the way, because I can't have her getting upset again. She is extremely unwell, and needs specialist care. Imagine she has Alzheimer's, you would leave her alone then, wouldn't you?”

“No, I would stay with her and make her remember me,” he said firmly, as he began a new method of physically dragging April from the car. She collapsed in his arms, expressionless and motionless. She lay limply on him, weighing no more than tissue paper. He then started to shake her shoulders violently, and shouting at her like the problem was that she couldn't hear. This was as effective at shouting at foreign person; 'saying the words louder will not make them any clearer' was a lesson he had yet to learn.

Jake began to drown in memories of him thinking April hadn't remembered him the first time, when it had been Gemma all along. He remembered how he'd felt like he'd been stabbed when she'd walked out on him, leaving him deserted and alone at the table.

Maybe it was Gemma now? Except she was still sat in the car, the same blank expression April was wearing in a permanent fix upon her pretty little face.

His thoughts suffocated him, and he found himself sinking inside of them as he shook April with even more force, as if she was asleep and he was trying to rake her up by making her body a baby's rattle.

“Enough!” Mary shouted, her threatening tone enough to stop him, and break him down. He dropped her, and burst, letting the tears escape from him. “Jake, you shouldn't be alone when you feel like this. I know it's awful �" what has happened �" but we need to try and fix it, and you're not helping. You need to go home and be with someone who can help you.”

“Okay,” Jake sniffed, actually intending to leave this time. He couldn't bare to look at her empty face for another second.

Mary herself knew there was nothing the hospital or anyone else would be able to do. She'd always known there would be a price for getting her daughter back in one way or another, and it looked like she'd found it.

They would get new memories. They just had to start again, from scratch. Gemma seemed to be recovering well from the incident. She was wrapped up in a big towel, still in the car, from when Mary had pulled her from the ocean.

They'd fainted when the time had come. They'd fainted, and after being given a cheeky push from the tide, had nearly floated away. Mary had waded in, screaming their names, and managed to retrieve her two girls. Whether Gemma liked it or not, she was part of the family by now.

They'd woken up when Mary had been half way through driving them home. Gemma had been first to wake, then April around ten minutes later. She had tried to talk to them both, but realised in a heart beat that they weren't the same people they'd been on the journey there. As she'd explained to Jake, they were no longer even people at all.

Gemma would be fine, it seemed. Given the right therapy and the right support, she would be fine. But April? Something else was chewing on her, something stronger than Xavier's expiry date. She'd been rapidly losing weight recently, more so than ever before. April had anorexia, and was sometimes very ill for reasons neither of them nor any doctor understood. After a few hospital episodes, with no more explanation than they'd had before, they'd agreed between them that even if April survived her 16^th, she wouldn't survive much longer past that.

Mary had had plenty of time to cry. Every night, in fact. That's why she'd been able to keep it together so well today, until Jake had broken her heart all over again just then.

Maybe bones and brains were somehow fixable, but the heart was an organ that certainly wasn't.

Ever.