Chapter 11 - Still Life

A hand fell from the bed.

The arm swung condescendingly from side to side, slowly. It rocked so gently, like a pendulum trapped inside a dusty Grandfather clock. Mechanical.

Lifeless.

Every time, the hand swung a little lower than it had done the time before. After a few seconds it slowed to a halt. A finger twitched one last time before the hand remained stationary forever.

The hand was white, as if belonging to a vampire as it hung limply from the body. The arm that connected it had turned cold almost instantly after it had happened.

Her eyes had been open. They now adopted a faraway gaze; one that would never come home. Their piercing green pupils would be fixed forever in the same position - startled yet still fearless.

She'd been so pretty. Such a pretty little thing. So confident. Such a promising character.

And she still was pretty. Even more so now, in his eyes. Now no one else could ever have her, she seemed all the more beautiful. He'd been the last person she'd ever loved, and no one could take that away from him.

Her black hair spread out on the pillow behind her precious head, as if perfectly arranged for his actions. Her face, even blank, made him want to meet her and love her all over again. Her collarbone jerked from her neck, exposing her tiny figure.

She almost looked like her normal, breathtaking self if you only looked at her head. If you stroked her pale skin, though chilling, you could just about imagine that nothing had happened.

But, what had almost made her the most beautiful had been her body. He'd loved every curve, every bone, every bit of her body. He stood over it now, with tears of happiness in his eyes. Her body looked so beautiful now.

She wore a white night dress; it was velvet, silky material that he remembered had felt smooth against his skin. It had a lace hem, and reached to her upper thighs, letting her gorgeous legs free.

He supposed the night dress wasn't really white any more, but it looked better that way. She'd never suited white anyway �" she'd always been too striking, too dangerous, too playful for a virgin's colour, of pureness and innocence.

“Sweet dreams, my love. My Rebecca,” he whispered.

She'd been so naïve. So stupid to bring him back home with her after that night they'd had. So ignorant to let him love her like he'd never loved any of the others who had ended with the same fate.

He kissed her still lips one last time �" it felt different without her retaliating and kissing him back �" before leaving the house and knowing he would never be able to return.

Well, at least not for a few years.

* * *

He hadn't meant to kiss her, but after she'd started to make her way towards him he hadn't been able to not.

She'd kissed him back, her soft lips pressing against his.

When they finally broke apart, April whispered, “What's happening, Jake?”

“I'm sorry,” he began. “But after seeing you at school, and you running off on me like that... it just seems weird seeing you again.”

“What? Running off?” she said softly, her shy voice daring to ask a question.

“Yeah. You know. In the coffee shop. That kind of hurt. I mean, I know I don't really know you or anything, but if I'm being honest, there's just something about you that I can't stay away from, April...”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” April confessed, interrupting him. “About the coffee shop? What?”

“I think I can help there,” a louder voice butted in. This voice was Gemma's.

Jake said nothing for a while, staring in a state of complete and utter confusion from Gemma to April and back again.

“There's two of you? What the hell! You're a twin?”

“Not exactly,” April admitted. “But it certainly wasn't me who ran from you...”

“No, it was me,” Gemma said. The other two waited for her to explain, leaning in. “I have no idea why I agreed to meet you �" Jake, is it? But I did. I didn't realise you'd been looking for April. I didn't know who you were. When you kissed me I panicked, you know, as you would if a stranger went for you like that. But, when I realised you thought you'd asked April to meet you, not me, I was too embarrassed to tell you. Sorry for ruining everything.”

“So you're the one who wore the red boots?” Jake clarified.

“Yeah. They're like my trade mark. Red Docs. I would have them on right now, but I kinda lost them. Hence the flip-flops: they were cheap replacements from the shop over there,” Gemma explained, pointing for emphasis. Though, in her head, all she could picture was her boots in Xavier's hands, and leaving them behind...

“So if you're not twins, what are you?” Jake said, still not crystal on the whole situation.

“That's kind of a long story...” April began.

“...and even we don't know it all.” Gemma added.

“It's complicated,” they both agreed.

Jake nodded, not having understood any of what had just gone on. He put a gentle hand on April's arm.

“So if you didn't run away from me, we're okay, right?”

“Yeah,” April smiled, thrilled at the circumstances. “Sure we are.”

She could feel her smile bursting from her face. She hadn't thought about anything when she'd walked over to him; it had been like those movies that she'd never seen but that Gemma had told her about when the girl and the boy spot each other through the sea of people and make their way to each other because it just seems right. Then he'd kissed her and she'd felt like magic was real, but that this wasn't. This �" the kiss �" couldn't be real, could it? Surely it couldn't really be happening, exactly like she'd yearned it to in a blissfully serendipitous moment.

Suddenly they felt a large number of people accumulating around them, and broke away to see what was going on. It was simply a break in the fashion show, so the models had come off stage. Some where signing autographs, some were taking photos with strangers, some were rehearsing and, as Jake realised with dismay, one was watching her boyfriend kiss another girl.

He turned around to face her.

At first, all he saw was a golden tear escaping. Some of the glitter from her eye makeup ran with it; glistening like dew on the grass on a summer's morning. It dribbled determinedly down her face, ensuring it would reach the floor beneath them. It's origin was watering; bloodshot and framing him like the camera that had framed herself not too long ago.

“We're done,” she said, with acrimony.

Two simple words, with such a big meaning.

Mia started to walk away. Jake promised April he'd be right back before grabbing Mia's arm and running after her when she pulled away.

“First Franki, and now her? Her, of all people! Bloody hell Jake, do you know how much you mean to me? Then you go and treat me like s**t on your f*****g shoe. I can't stand it any more. Some days you're all perfect, and you tell me that I'm perfect too. And we get along; we have fun. Then, other days �" with no warning �" you just decide to be distant and moody with me, like I'm someone who works for you or something that you can just ignore because you're so bloody superior! It doesn't work like that, and I can't even explain how f*****g fed up I am of your mood swings. If you want me back, fine. But please, tell me now. The honest answer �" and then stick to it. I can't keep up with you any more, so you just tell me why you came after me without messing me around.”

Jake sighed, and brushed his hands through his hair; an obvious gesture to show he was stressing about finding the right words. He'd never been good at making decisions on the spot.

Her words had been cold. Not mean or acerbic, exactly, but rushed and hurt, which only erupted the situation even more so. He felt like the rope between a wrester's game of three-way-tug-of-war, and boy, were they tugging. On the one side: he should break it to her quickly and carelessly, so she could be mad at him, endure antipathy, and tell herself that she'd made the right choice. Or maybe he should say everything nicely, taking the blame, owning up, admitting he had more faults than she did. Maybe he should stay with her after all?

He looked back at April, seeing what no one else saw. He looked back, and while every passer by saw a girl with dark hair and hauntingly pale skin, he saw a creature so beautiful he couldn't turn his eyes away. He saw the lines that made up her face as a score, with enchanted notes that made up a mesmerizing melody he could never get out of his head. He saw her eyes as gem stones, gleaming in the mine against the world full of grey rocks. He saw her lips as ribbons, tied up perfectly upon her skin, making the present stand out as a whole in a desirable, sacrosanct fashion.

Make the right choice, Jake.

“I'm sorry, Mia,” he said, wryly. “But, I didn't come after you to take you back, I came to apologise. Sometimes I can be an idiot. I like you a lot, but I think I've been having doubts without even realising recently. You are perfect, which is why some days I try really hard with you. I want to love you, because I enjoy spending time with you and you're beautiful, but I don't. I wish I did �" really �" and I don't see how I could possibly not be in love with you. But I'm not, so some days I don't want to kid myself, so I stand you up or avoid your calls, which is really immature and stupid. I've handled this really badly, but you're right to break up with me. I've been a dick, but hell, sometimes people are. There was no way out of this where no one would get hurt. Sorry for everything, because you deserve someone who really likes you. Someone who can give you their full attention and not be in a permanent state of willing another girl to come back home. That's what you deserve, and I tried to not be the guy who screwed with you �" twice �" but I guess I messed up there too.”

“Yeah, you did. Even though I don't really blame you for the Franki thing, that was on her.”

Jake made a noise to show he understood, being careful not to let himself off-the-hook and agree.

“But seriously? You were thinking about her,” - Mia pointed vaguely in the general direction in which April was standing - “the whole time we were going out?”

“Yeah, pretty much. It sounds awful, but since the very first second I saw her she'd never left my mind. I thought I'd been going crazy, but I guess some people just make you feel like that. You know?”

“Yeah, I get it. More than you think. That's how I felt about you, Jake. God, I wouldn't have wanted anyone getting in the way of me and you. I'm sure April feels the same. I'll just go...”

Mia turned to walk away, but this time, less aggressively and more like she couldn't bare to stay any longer. This time, Jake let her go instead of running after.

Despite his feelings for April, he still felt sad that he'd lost Mia. Obviously he would never consider wanting to keep them both, but he'd become really close to her over the last half a year or so, and it still felt equivalent to losing a best friend.

He just felt confused, and mad at his confusion for turning into such a horrible human being. The Jake he was used to being was honest and loyal, but the guy inhabiting him seemed to have other ideas about how to treat people, and he hated it.

He returned to April, not smiling like he had been before.

“Hey, is everything okay?” she asked, concerned.

“It's fine,” he said. This was his standard answer to most questions. 'How do you find school?' 'It's fine.' 'What do you think of Christmas?' 'It's fine.' 'How is your relationship going?' 'It's fine.'

“It's fine,” he repeated, more conclusively this time. The reason he said it twice was because for the first time since his dad had driven away in their Porsche all those years ago, he really meant it, and it felt so good to be telling the truth after keeping his memories in a box in the back of his mind through his childhood. With April, he could finally set them free.

“It's really, really fine.”