Untitled

The world
The world is spinning

Changing

Swirling
I'm falling
Falling into the void
Catch me
Someone catch me I'm falling
Falling so fast
The darkness splits
I hear music
Sweet notes that soothe my soul
The darkness sweeps over once more
The swirling darkness
Sucking me in
Drowning me
Smothering me
My eyes
My eyes can't see the truth
They are blind
I am blind
Blinded by the truth
I stumble through the darkness I know as Earth
Figures
Blurry figures point and laugh
They laugh
Cruel, mirthless laughter
I try to run but I can't
My soul
My soul burns
It aches with the scorn of the outside
Questions, unanswered, tear at my mind:
When will it end?
I try to act like it isn't happening
But it is
Why?...How?
How can people be so cruel?
I try to escape with my dreams
Only to return the next day
It's an endless cycle
A cycle I am stuck in till the day I die

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

*sigh* I see the and feel the pain in this write. It reminds me a little (in context and thought) about one that I wrote "Life Simply Is". I was at a point where I truly felt as though I needed to figure out what life was and what I was here for...it had to be more than a beating heart of lungs filled with air. what would happen if I just walked into the ocean and never came out? What EXACTLY would happen? We walk though this world at the mercy of our own internal mechanisms, and I believe that writers (or other creatives) feel this much more deeply than others.

Okay, on to the actual review. I like the complexity of the idea in this one, though I think you may have let it get away from you a little bit in terms of the fact that there is a lot going on. I would have liked to have seen a little more imagery and description. Overall, though, this truly moved me, and I can completely relate.

[Mason Rayburn]

It seems that my writing is more for impact than for function. Granted, I'm still a young writer, but most of my pieces seem to come out in a way that focuses more on the ideas being communicated rather than creating a wonderful piece of literature. Your suggestions are definitely something to try and incorporate in my future writes though. Thank you.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I completely understand...that is how we all start out. Eventually, you'll learn to hone your ideas into the "literature" that you discuss. For now, stick to the feeling, emotion and making an impact. :)

[Annabelle Lee]

deep stuff that's halfway readable is hard to find on here, bravo

[Mason Rayburn]

Thank you, I guess? The format for my poems is definitely not standard, so I can see why it wouldn't necessarily be a flowing or comfortable read for most-particularly experienced writers.

[Annabelle Lee]

I could read it, though, that's what I'm saying, you did a good job

[Mason Rayburn]

Oh...Well...Thank you again...o_o'

[Just Kim]

A deep ponderful write

[OfDeathandLove]

Wow. That's all I can say. It's a glimpse into a person who is in a dark place in his life, but the last line "A cycle I am stuck in till the day I die"....it shows complete and utter despair. No hope. This poem is strong, dark, and amazing. Love it.

[Mason Rayburn]

Hopelessness definitely seems to be a constant theme in my earlier writing. This particular poem is a piece of history, though, as it is my first poem ever. Has a certain bit of sentimental value with it.