its just that

This is for you, wherever you may be.

Its Just That

its the moment time stops and flies at speeds race, 

its how miles from everyone without taking a single pace.

its being sweaty and cold, its being pale and sick, 

its smiling your hardest because thats what love is.

Its not breathing or thinking without gasping with racing thoughts,

its every sad song and smile and its what your parents never taught.

it was the cursed way your hair smelled and the perfect curve of your back,

its how no movie, no book or pep talk to ever prepare for that. 

its the way my name spilled over your teeth past your lips,

its the f*****g perfect way my tired hands held your hips.

its knowing your hands were tailor made to fit mine, 

and its knowing they're gone till the end of time.

its not turning around its making that mistake of not staying,

its how sad my eyes are now, its how heavy my heart is weighing.

its the lies i told, the promises i broke,

its the all the words i never ever spoke.

its how i miss you everyday its how i want you back,

its how my life crashed and lies miles from the track.

its how i miss everything about you, 

its how i miss everything you do.

its how you'll never know how broken i am now,

its how I've taken all the pain my heart can allow.

its how i want to taste your breath and smell your sleep,

its how i never knew love could ever go that deep.

its how i don't care anymore about my life i ruined,

its the knot in a rope i never want loosened.

its how i haven't mentioned the worst how I'm afraid to say,

its how that its been three years and you're much happier this way.

its how you'll never know how sorry i am, how i live with one regret that matters,

its how i love you till my dying day, until this broken heart shatters.

its that day on the Fullerton bus, until the day i die,

Its how I don't deserve your heart but you'll forever hold mine.

Its how this is a story of a sad man its a story about me,

its how much i love you, its how I'm sorry mcv.

Author's Note

this is a lot of thoughts. i started with an idea and it kind of took over and went on a tangent, I'm sorry if its difficult to read.