I left before you

Realism in AABB.

I left before you (my love) tonight
Lady pains and fatigue out to spite
my aching body so rough and tumble tender
No doubt I enjoyed my evening of splendour.

The men who missed the tube at Piccadilly Circus will ride the same train as you I suspect
About twenty minutes behind me, give or take a sec,
They will witness your beauty, your personality so fine;
in awe of your presence a little further down the line.

I wonder if you will pause when you stop at Turnham Green:
Imagine me, a spring in my step as I hurry home to dream
about you /
About how much I want to be with you
Despite the obstacles, consequences and circumstances too.

Maybe next time will be better, should I cross my fingers?
I'll take a mental photo, record your voice and let reality linger
As it digresses into fantasy where all ends greet,
"Meet me at midnight,
Signed, your petite". x

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Love it! I'm a Jubilee Line victim myself, London Bridge to Canary Wharf. But I love way you weave the fabric of the sit-ee into your take of love and life. i think the city is a part of us and we of it. The tube is like the city's circulatory system with us the blood racing arount it or not as the case may be when it clots up. I like verse two the best. Can see the dudes standing on the plaftorm and see you rattling away thinking your 'what ifs'.

[sconzey]

Enjambment++

Love the last three lines, although sometimes it felt like you'd chosen words to make the rhyme work, rather than because they conveyed what you wanted to say.

You should have a play with poetry of meter; the patter and mouth-feel of words, rather than their sounds.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Loved it. beautifully written.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I liked this piece, specially the closing lines - they concluded the entire piece so perfectly.
Great work.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

hahah ,, yes you have your style :) .... love this one too , Yossi

[Sarah]

i read this and the first thing i thought was..Story of my Life...well written.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Certainly sounds like star crossed lovers... your words are very bold, some fabulous writing.

[JC Morgan]

You paint a scene so well, and one I can certainly relate to.
Job well done my darling :D