The Self and............... Oh, F**k.

I am…… I am……….. The search for the self begins.

Not again.

Always again.

Please no.

We must.

S**t.

F**k you.

No f**k you.

No. Please let me continue this search for myself.

Is it always going to be an endless search?

That’s usually how being endless works.

Oh, God. Do you always have to talk about it

What would you rather I talk about

Love or sports or work or…. Anything else.

Even death and the holocaust.

I hate you so much.

No you don’t. You don’t know what hate is.

Why are you like that?

What do you think I am like

You know what I think you are

Do you think I am such a thing or do you believe that you know what I am

Could we please not have this meaningless discussion again

Is it that bad

Actually yes it is

Only because you’re allowing it to be so

No you’re allowing it to be so

We’re both allowing it to be so

No this is all your fault

You know that isn’t true

No I don’t know that it isn’t true but I think it is true

Well if you’re only thinking it that is merely a feeling. You could be wrong

But most people think I’m right

Most people elected George W. Bush twice.

Shut up.

They also thought Nazism was cool and that stoning was okay. So get your head out of your a*s, please. Right now.

I hate you so much.

There you go again talking about hate as if you knew the first thing about it

I know more than the first thing about it

You’ve never hated anyone in your life

You don’t know that

No but I think it

Well you just gave me a little lecture about thinking

But maybe I was blowing hot air

I don’t know what you’re doing. You doin’t know what you’re doing. What the Hell is happening

Something or nothing or something is happening

This is so f*****g boring

Not necessarily. It might be vcry fun

You really think so

I think a lot of things that are flase, and a lot of things that are true and a lot of things that aren’t even anything at all. My mind is versatile

What did you say

I said something you should have been paying attentioon to

Are you sure

I’m sure as sure can be in uncertain, unknowable times

What

You heard me

No I didn’;t

You should have

But I didn’t

Listen next time. Don’t be a b***h.

You’re self-righteous

What makes me self-righteous

Everythging about you

Define everything

Everything

You don’t wish to discuss this

It’s easier never to talk to you.

Always easier to ignore and avoid

You don’t know the half of it

The half of what

Everything

Such a broad term

Most things are broad and complicated

No no one wants to talk about anything serious or depressing or difficult. People are avoidant b*****s and w****s.

Are you serious

You’d like to know

So tell me

Figure it out for yourself

I want you to be honest with me

You never end up believing the honesty I impart to you

Maybe I only appear not to accept the honesty you give to me

You’d never know whether I was lying or giving you truth. It’s that simple.

That isn’t simple at all.

That’s a shame.

This is such a b***h.

Yes it is but you’ll grow used to it when you accept the fact that nothing is ever guaranteed and that nothing matters or is important, and blah.

Blah? Why blah? You ran out of things to say

There’s little to say anyway

There’s much to say

No there’s only much to leave unsaid

That blows

All true things blow but maybe it’s not true it’s something that is accepted as true that is just stupid and juvenile on our part.

I’m sick.

I’m tired and ornery and I want to die…. But…. Yeah.


So are we still searching for ourselves.

Something like that.

Why

Why what

Why anything

Why indeed  

Be more specific

I could be as specific as possible and you would continue pressing me to be more and more specific. Insatiability and dissatsifaction.

Sucks.

Blows and wishing for death grows stronger, doesn’t it

Sometimes, sometimes not and sometime I ain’t sure.

Ain’t. silly word. Silly expression. Doesn’t mean jack s**t.

Could someone be kind enough to life me out of this… this.

No. No. A million times no.

Just a single yes would have sufficed.

Too bad.

No.

Always no.

This isn’t fair.

What is fair

Huh

You know

Maybe but

But you do

But

No buts

But you said but

It all depends on ten million different unmentionable things

Huh

Exactly

I want to leave and cease

Cease hmm interesting fascinating.

Huh

Always huh with you I see

What do you mean

I don’t mean anything. Just never mind and forget all that has been said and not said in this place of fear and loss

What

Exactly

No not exactly. What is even meant by exactly here in this place. What kind of a place is this where is it who are we what’s going on I’m scared I’m not sure I’m not anything I’m nothing I’m no one I’ve lost everything and I don’t even remember having something maybe nothing has always been my lot my destiny my reward my nothing has been my everything

If that’s what you want to be true I suppose you can attempt to pass it off as some sort of fucked up sort of truth since no true truth will ever actually be realized or discovered because that’s just how most things we think will be satisfying work out

None of this is anything is it

Of course not. It’s nothing it’s foolish it’s lonely it’s desolate it’s a waste of time space money resources it’s  waste of nothing and eventuating and something and losing and loving and hating and the list goes on until all the words ever created and not created have been uttered a million times in sixty million different languages and intonations and pronunciations. It goes on and on and on and on and just when you think it’s going to stop well it doesn’t and you feel even worse than you did when you thought maybe you’d make some sense out of everything that was happening and not happening, you know.

Stop

There is no stopping or ceasing or resisting speech and supposed communication will continue to happen until someone with real power and authority puts a stop to all the nonsense

But why

Better not to wonder or ask or think or ask or wonder or think, right

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know how could I know who could know what happened what’s happening

Never worry about it again

I want a third party.

No you’re stuck with me

How long

Possibly a second more possibly forever

Why forever

Why not forever and a day

No

Ummm… yes.


(Curtain.)