Opinions and Evasions

Hop: I’m smitten…. Is that word? No? Maybe? See whenever I get to this point…

Pippy: Which point? Oh, that one, yes. The point which leads to…
Hop: Well, no… Yes, maybe… Not exactly but I think you’re beginning to get the idea…. See, I have had many broken… well, no, not broken…. Just, well, I haven’t had any relationships before. I have often been morose since I came to believe that…. Well, you know the drill… You’ve heard me decry my luck with the opposite…
Pippy: Sex, yes. The opposite sex. It’s a very difficult… game… a quest…. A processs… a… I’m grasping for straws here. I’m a little more than inexperienced myself. But, um, well what is it you want to tell me, well not tell, but perhaps… to um…. Maybe you wish to tell me how the end of your single… hood has been treating you, and how your transition into a relationship has led you to… what? Um, perhaps…
Hop: Well, yes… Um you’re correct… Kind of… A little bit… I’m not entirely sure what it is I want to say here…. Maybe something about how I never thought anything close to love or being loved… or um…. Maybe it’s something about validation…. That’s a definite possibility, I suppose. Perhaps. See, I’m now with Maureen, you know her…. Well you’ve seen pictures of her and I’ve told you a few things about her, not much, but a little to give you some sense of the sort of person…. She is or could be or I think her to be. My perceptions, obviously, could be off. Is she as good as I have…. Well, you know. Or am… I…. I don’t want to ask you a load of questions, but I suppose I am not all too certain about the things I have chosen to do and to leave undone throughout… well…. Perhaps… no, probabaly…. Well, no, these are very definite certainties…. Umm I’m losing sight of where I was going with this… so I will attempt as best I can to get back on the road I was treading before I lost sense of all time and…. Place, right? Yes. Yes. I must get back to that point. I apologize… I was drifiting…. Or…. Some such thing that led me to believe we were talking about other things which obviously is not the case… whatsoever…. This is a certain doubt of mine… there are undoubtedly much more important things happening in the world today…. Every day…. And for all the days to come….. I’m pussyfooting, aren’t I? I suppose I am. I suppose I’m evading some sort of… possible….. I’m not sure what it is I’m attempting… or, more appropriately, avoiding telling you at this moment…. This one moment… I’m acting as though this is some sort of very important, shocking confession, but all it truly is, is yet another doubt, a fear… a never-ending torment of mine. That’s all, and I suppose as these thoughts… these frightening thoughts are running through my mind I am….. I am more lost… well, no, if I say I am lost that may suggest that I am beginning to feel powerless, weak, feeble or I am falling into despair… but that would not be the case…. Not at all. I am merely frightened of losing what it is I have at this moment, which is odd because I know that if I lose what it is I have I will be ok…. Perhaps…. Well, yes.
Pippy: So, as succinctly as possible…. Wait, let’s… um…. Well I am confused…. I am lost… not in a worldly sense but only in the sense of this, our current conversation which is…. Leading me to believe that there may be something shocking…. But it may not be as shocking as it is embarrassing or disgusting… but maybe it will go in a completely different bent than that…. But at this moment all I hold are a pocketful of possibilities and probabilities since…. For now…. I know nothing of what is on your mind… I am full of thoughts, feelings… and, well, other things I cannot quite work into words… now…. But maybe later I’ll be more able to express what I wish to express…. But that’s merely a maybe for nothing…. At this moment…. Can be…. Fool-proof. Do you…. Yes… No questions…. I completely understand. We will continue talking, leaping, jumping and evading until what it is we truly wish to say has been said. I get it. Ok. I hope I’m right. If I’m not, I hope you will have the courtesy to tell me how far of f course I am… at this moment.
Hop: She is gorgeous, yes. There can be no mistake…. Where her beauty and charm… well, her beauty is concerned, I am almost sure. She is… I enjoy every moment I have with her…. I never thought the simple act of lying with another would be so reassuring and enlivening… although I often get exhausted during those times, but I still feel… if only for a moment that I have some worth in this world. But do I really…. Wait, no questions. But I suppose I worry that I am one of the many users…. Yes, users, it’s a silly, generic term but we’ll use it here to try to make sense…. Well, not sense…. That does not, and will not ever exist in something like this…. World….. the complaints about this planet are a little silly… a little pointless, I think… but maybe I think wrong….. can you think…. Oh,we must avoid questions at all costs… although I’m not sure why…. Perhaps they’re irritating and no answers exist…. But I did not come to you to tell you that there are no answers….. I suppose….. I suppose…… It’s not enough…. Now a monologue about insatiability and our worst parts….
Pippy: No! No. Let’s return to where we were heading before we decided we would get as far away as possible from the actual tenor of this conversation. All these generalities…. There exists no knowledge between the two of us…. Only our opinions which aren’t worth very much…. They are worth as much as any other person’s opinions… according to me… according to others, others opinions are much more valid than my opinions, and your opinions.
Hop: We could just chill out…. Not care what others think…. But you and I both become very attached to other people while they don’t see us as being much more than other people…. We build up these pedestals and treat them as though they were idols…. We suck. It’s as simple as that I believe. We’re too stubborn and unwilling to change….. But we want to, but we wouldn’t know how to start such a transformation. I’m worried. I’m ill. I should puke but I’m too tired to even do that at the moment. No wonder we’re lonely. We’re completely dissatisfied because we have become insatiable as well as impossible to please because we want everything…. When one wants everything one will always believe one has ended up having nothing. Sadness envelops my soul and no sense is to be made of anything that is going on. Perhaps though curiosity would not destroy us…. But if often does… but I don’t wish to pretend to have answers and knowledge anymore… I want to actually possess it.
Pippy: A great person I once knew often posed the question that if he were so smart, so funny, so clever, so inspirational, so talented, so attractive… why was it that at the end of the day he always ended up being empty, unfulfilled and all alone in the universe? He began to realize that he only knew ego anymore… he thought he was so grand, so superior… and maybe he was… but all of his knowledge and abilities left him hollow because he was unable to relate to people in any true sense. These pictures of great monuments, statues…. The architecture that has brought inspiration and awe to so many hearts and minds…. In the long run…… What does it do for any of us? Why must….. Why must……… Questions are not necessary and will not get us any closer to realizing why we’re here. I only know, you only know, the rest of people only know how they feel… they cannot adequately describe why they feel as they feel. They could blame it on their parents, their schooling, their abilities, their being a social outcast, but I truly believe when all is said and done so many people never fit in, are never happy, are never loved because everything has become far too lost…… But that would be an answer andf I truly believe answers do not exist. Passion…… That’s what we all need.
Hop: I’m sorry.
Pippy: Don’t be. There is just no answer.