The Backroom

Divan: We must go to the backroom.

Harold: Oh, yes. I don’t want to know what goes on back there. I’d rather just play this piano. You see I always wanted to be a torch singer. To sing those songs of great loss and longing, and finding love and finally understanding who you are, or discovering that your entire life was a cruel joke, or some such rubbish. Or maybe I could become a very decadent composer.

Divan: Perhaps but you can’t play the piano so let’s go to the backroom and see what we can get. Needless to say neither one of us are getting anything where we are right now. No one is returning our phone calls, our emails, they even snub us on the streets when we say “Hello” in a most cheerful voice. So, we’re desperate. So what? Everyone is so let’s be honest about it, instead of wearing disguises and pretending to be okay.

Harold: You know Harold Pinter and I have the same name?

Divan: True you both have the name Harold. Now… ummm….. You have lost me. Have you ever read any Harold Pinter? Do you even know what he writes?

Harold: Well, not in a manner of speaking.

Divan: I’m a writer,. You know?

Harold: Are you published?

Divan: No, my stuff’s good, man.

Harold: Are you a man or a woman?

Divan: Does that matter? Do you want to sleep with me?

Harold: I don’t like sleeping with people. I find it lonely.

Divan: Anything you don’t find lonely?

Harold: Sure. Sleeping alone.

Divan: Care explaining that illogic to me?

Harold: I’d rather keep my private affairs… private.

Divane: Yet you told me you prefer your solitude to all other company.

Harold: Well, it’s much more complicated than that.

Divan: Of course it is. There isn’t anything that isn’t complicated. That’s why suicide and divorce are so popular. Let’;s just run away from our problems and all the woes in our life.

Harold: That’s a bit judgmental, don’t you think?

Divan: Perhaps but let’s talk about my writing instead.

Harold: Can I read some of it?

Divan: You want to sleep with me.

Harold: Maybe when you tell me whether you’re a man or a woman I’ll consider it.

Divan: You’re a worm, aren’t you?

Harold: Man or woman?

Divan: I write stories about love being an illusion.

Harold: Of course you do I never meet anyone with an optimistic lookout on life.

Divan: Oh shut your mouth, Harold. You don’t know anything about me and you never will because I will make sure of that.

Harold: Why won’t you reveal anything about yourself?

Divan: All in good time, Harold. Who am I kidding? I’ll never tell you a single thing. Do you find me pretty?

Harold: I want to play the piano.

Divan: I also write about murder or…. Maybe I don’t. You’ll never know because no one will ever publish anything I’ve written.

Harold: Are you a horrendous author?

Divan: Oh, who knows? Let’s go to the backroom.

Harold: I’m starving.

Divan: Be more honest than that. I like Josh Groban’s voice. Do you like his voice?

Harold: Isn’t he Australian?

Divan: I don’t think so, no.

Harold. Hmm. I thought he was, but, no, I don’t.

Divan: Wrong answer. Let’s go to the backroom.

Harold: I’m scared.

Divan: You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t.

Harold: Here comes my wife, Georgia.

Divan: Of course. A third person. A triangle, perhaps.

Georgia: Harold, who is this ravishing young thing?

Divan: Do you truly believe I’m ravishing?

Georgia: I’m not certain. I might just be being polite. I never say what I mean or mean what I say. I’m unknowable.

Divan: How sad.

Harold: Georgia, this is Divan. A man or woman, I do not know.

Georgia: Human.

Harold: No one knows.

Divan: I know.

Georgia: This is boring.

Divan; Quite. Kiss me, Georgia.

Georgia: Who or what are you?

Divan: Does it really matter?

Georgia: No. Of course not.

Divan: I’ll kiss you.

Georgia: I don’t know.

Harold: It’s okay. You may kiss her, Divan.

Divan: I wasn’t seeking your permission, My Dear.

Georgia: Yes, I can speak for myself, Darling.

Divan: So, Georgia, my dear, are you prepared?

Georgia: Yes….. I suppose I am.

Divan: Here we go then. (Approaches her slowly. Takes Georgia in his or her arms and caresses her and makes her feel wonderful all over.) Georgia, you’re absolutely lovely and wonderful. I hope you know that.

Georgia: Thank you, Divan.

Divan: No problem, Darling. (Releases her.) There you are. Let’s go to the backroom.

Georgia: Yes. Let’s.

Harold: How about me?

Divan: You had your chance, my dear.

Harold: But… well, may I have another?

Georgia: Harold, I love you, but….. Divan and I are meant to be with each other.

Harold: Oh… but…. Why?

Divan: Never ask “Why?” No answer will ever satisfy you. Good-bye, Harold. (Divan and Georgia exit together to the backroom.)

Harold: (Stares in amazement as the lights fade.)

(Curtain.)

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a good stage play. I liked it. Thanks for sharing. :)

[The Analog Kid]

Nice nod to Pinter and "the theater of the absurd." I love the "Dumb Waiter and Waiting for Godot" :)

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Excellent story, thank you for sharing this.

[Senseless whatever]

Good write. I like the flow of the story and the interaction with the characters. As a stage play I believe you need to add some scene setups. Where are they? where or how do they go to the backroom? Paint the picture.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

"Yet you told me you prefer your solitude to all other company."

that line says it all, doesn't it? i also think it interesting how we move from the idea that harold is single, and suddenly are introduced to the fact that he has a wife.. which makes the above line all the more poignant, given that he doesnt sleep alone every night.,.

my instinctual feeling on who or what divan is, is - divan is an ideal.. perhaps even georgia herself. course that may just be me psychoanalyzing this too deep..

[Jon]

good write:D

[Legion]

See other review. This one does have more interesting dialogue though.

[Sara Mercury]

Divan is a man; but it matters not to him. I don't believe in cheating on your spouse or significant other, but if one has met their true soul mate, there is no fighting it. Not ever. This piece has a deeper meaning than the obvious, though, which I find most intriguing. I think love should look deeper than the outside appearance of someone. True soul mates in the spirit world have no gender, really - but they are both made up of male/female energies combined.