Listen and Forget

Rich: Melanie. Melanie.

Melanie: Yes, Rich?

Rich: Where have you been?

Melanie: Upstairs.

Rich: Why have you been upstairs.

Melanie: I’ll let your mind wander.

Rich: Why won’t you tell me?

Melanie: I don’t have to.

Rich: I’ll hit you if I have to.

Melanie: No you won’t. You never have, you never will.

Rich: Let’s go eat. Where would you like to go?

Melanie: I’m not hungry. I’m going back upstairs.

Rich: What do you do up there?

Melanie: I do what it is I do. Now don’t worry about it any more.

Rich: Let me come up with you.

Melanie: Good-bye, Rich. You’ll be sleeping alone again tonight.

(Doorbell rings)

Rich: Come in, Steve.

Steve: Thanks, Rich. How is Melanie?

Rich: Who’s Melanie?

Steve: What’s on TV?

Rich: Crap.

Steve: What else?

Rich: I’ll turn it on. We’ll see. Wait we don’t have a TV any more. Melanie threw it out last week.

Steve: Radio, stereo, anything? Do we have to talk?

Rich: Yes. What shall we talk about?

Steve: Do you have a newspaper?

Rich: More tragedies and disasters today, I’m sure.
Steve: I’d like a girlfriend.

Rich: They’ll cause you nothing but misery. I suppose they’re nice to have for a while though. I’ve caused her tons of misery too. I’ve been a failure in every conceivable way as a husband. Fortunately I never became a Father. My children would have never left therapy. So, Steve, what kind of woman do you want?

Steve: One that never talks or contradicts me.

Rich: If those ever existed, they don’t now. You want a pretty one, I’m sure. We all did. And then we discovered that no matter how ugly or gorgeous they are, that they will only sap your energy, your ego., your balls until you’re covered and buried in slime and nothingness. Don’t pay too much attention to me, Steve, I’m just a broken man who hasn’t had hope or faith in years. Many people misunderstand what I mean to say, or maybe I’m not even sure what it is I mean to say because I’m stuck in another world, or maybe I’m not of this world or any world. It’s possible I don’t exist and all this, whatever it is we’re having right now is not real, it does not exist, it never did and never will have taken place because a dog is dreaming this strange dream, and wants to wake up but is being punished for some selfish, dumb thing it did earlier in the day. Oh, Steve, Melanie doesn’t want anything to do with me any more. I don’t know why. No, that’s a lie, I know. Where the Hell have I been? What have I been doing? This is like something out of  a second-rate soap opera. An unattractive, poor, pitiful man comes to know that the wife who he took and loved no longer loves him because he is so out of touch with all his emotions and feelings due to all his feelings of inadequacy, etc. I don’t have to bombard you with language, language, language. The sounds, the rhythms, the… what am I reaching for here, Steve? What am I attempting to say now? When did simple human, interpersonal communication become so difficult and impossible, or is it just me? Tell me, Steve, where am I coming from? Maybe I never loved her enough, maybe I never loved her at all. I guess she has often been very lonely and I didn’t comfort her enough and give her the reassurances she needed to hear when she felt lower than I feel at this point in time, but what was I doing? Was I working or watching sports of sitcoms, reality television? Was I listening to more masked music where we become even more frustrated because all the lyruics and the music in the world cannot cover up all our emptiness, and you know what? I’m not even that old. I’m not even thirty. I haven’t had a hard day in life then why do I feel as though I was 80? If I know all this is wrong, why do I continue to indulge in this pessimistic, disgusting behavior that is alienating me furthewr and further from where I want to be, but where is it I wish to be? Why does it always have to be some sort of endless, futile journey with me? Am I beginning to repeat the same words over and over again. IfI had studied and read and learned more diligently I wouldn’t be stuck where I am now, but I’m not stuck I could be enjoying this, I could run up there right now and see what she’s doing but would she get mad at me for doing that? Would it be inappropriate? Are there answers any more, or am I missing something most vital here? Where have I been and what have I been doing, Steven? Well, you wouldn’t know, you’re not here often enough to know. I haven’t seen you in ages. I can’t believe I’m saying any of this to anyone. I’ve kept all of this bottled up for ages., most people don’t carte about another’s internal, self-indulgent struggles. Have you noticed that? Well it is a very narcissistic, circuitous age, isn’t it? None of us know what we want. I suppose that statement was far too general, I shouldn’t do that. Or is it ok? I can be forgiven of all things as long as I am sincerely sorry for being wrong, right? But who knows if any of that is real and true and right and all that s**t. Who knows and who cares because we’ll never know until we’re dead, and no one, mostly myself wants to wait that long, but maybe some people are ok with waiting because they believe for sure that they will be much happier in their next life than they were in this life, but who knows if that’s really true. We have all believed a number of things, been completely certain andf have come to realized that we were veery wrong since no one ever comes out to be completely right, but maybe in another world, I mean a next life there would be people who are perfect and are exactly right about everything, but no one knows for sure, but perhaps I should be content with uncertainty, and just leap or be convinced by some sort of a Messiah, but what if I end up in a cult and it edns up liike Jonestown? I doin’t drink kool-aid though, so maybe I’ll be ok, but maybe there will be something else. Maybe chocolate mousse, I love chocolate mousse. What am I going on about? hat;’s on TV?

Steven: Tabloids. Trash tv. Entertainment news. Few more deaths in the war. But a few celebs are having children and are giving money to charieies and to the environement. They’re adopting a few more children. Music and the cinema are continuing to churn out love stories and stories of redemption and adversity. Many action flicks. Many songs about failed, flawed relationships, and a loss of love and purpose to the songwriter’s life. It’s a shame. There’s not much going on in our society today. No wonder we all want to be so important, it almost makes it seem worth living some days.

Rich: Listen, Steven. Let’s go upstairs and see what Melanie is doing. We sit and we complain and we lie to ourselves about the starkness of modern-day life and it’s not a great world to live in. Nothing happens except stupid, senseless, attention-seeking crap but you and I and everyone else in the history of the world has been bad because we all want to matter, but I want to care about everyone, love them, care for them because I want all of those things for myself as well .