Blessed Relief

Carl: Why did you cheat on her?

Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: You must have some reason.
Bob: No.
Carl: Were you bored?
Bob: Yes.
Carl: Then that’s why you cheated on her.
Bob: No.
Carl: Then what?
Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: Think about it.
Bob: I have.
Carl: Well?
Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: Are you two getting divorced?
Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: I think you two should give it another shot.
Bob: Maybe.
Carl: If it doesn’t work out, you can always have my wife.
Bob: No thanks.
Carl: Are you unhappy?
Bob: I wish to die.
Carl: Why?
Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: You’ll snap out of it.
Bob: I don’t know. I miss her. I love her but I hate her.
Carl: Yeah. Tell me more.
Bob: I don’t know.
Carl: Let’s go out.
Bob: No.
Carl: Come on.
Bob: Where?
Carl: Bar.
Bob: No.
Carl: We’ll stay in then.
Bob: Yeah.
Carl: TV?
Bob: Sure.
Carl: Great! (He turns on the TV.) What would you like to watch?
Bob: Whatever.
Carl: Ok. There’s nothing on. (He turns the TV off.)
Bob: Bummer.
Carl: So…… Killing yourself, huh?
Bob: Sure.
Carl: Ok. I don’t think you should.
Bob: Ok.
Carl: I’m serious.
Bob: Great.
Carl: Well…. How serious are you about killing yourself?
Bob: I’m not sure yet. I hate life though.
Carl: Stick it out, things can get better.
Bob: You obviously don’t know me very well.
Carl: maybe not. Explain this to me.
Bob: Carl, no. It’s important and unimportant at the same time. One life, it’s one life, I’m one person, right? I… I highly doubt anything will change when I am gone. I’m so bored and useless. Explain why I should stick around, all I’m doing is hurting others or annoying them or royally pissing them off.
Carl: Won’t hey be even angrier if you kill yourself?
Bob: I guess I’ll have the answer to that question after the deed is done.
Carl: Don’t talk that way. Please.
Bob: Music? A drink? A slice of pizza?
Carl: I only came here to talk to you. That’s it. No outside interferences, please.
Bob: Yes we’ll get divorced. She never did anything wrong except for the fact that she wasn’t all I wanted in a spouse, I guess. I’m quite a miserable wretch. It’s not as simple as that. I have yet to find anything in life that is as simple as that.
Carl: We’ll talk this all out.
Bob: I don’t even know where she went. I think she told me….. To her sister’s. Perhaps. I’m not sure.
Carl: Talk to her.
Bob: I am so sick of talking. Of apologizing. Of saying I was an idiot. I’ve been selfish and self-absorbed… I’m just a very empty, lifeless, nothing of a man. I always was. This stems all the way back to when I was a child. I would sit numbly for hours staring at the wall, hoping against all hope that all the things I thought were important… Friends, toys, etc… whatever else it was I deemed so important really weren’t….. I was so lost… and today I remain lost. The difference now is I have cheated on my wife all due to the fact that I am ugly as well as bored. Bored ugly people who are married to boring ugly people don’t know what to do… so they meet someone a little younger, somewhat attractive or appears so, and they get to talking. We talked about reality TV or about…. Maybe it was work or what classes she was taking, or what she wanted to do after school and after a while of a bunch of mindless chatter that bored us, and made us more fully aware of how…… Unimportant and drab our lives were…. I have a correction to make…. I said bored ugly people cheat on their wives instead of being responsible…. That is without a doubt a lie, a falsehood, it is completely stupid and unfounded. Obviously I just messed up. But, what, am I supposed to dwell on my failure forever? Yes, I messed up. Who knows if all the apologies and nice gestures in the world could ever make up for my self-absorption… but I have to move on even if I want to correct what has been done here which has been all my fault. I can’t do this anymore. Life or death? I don’t know. It’s the most difficult question humanity has ever been faced with. If I die…. I don’t know. If I live…… I don’t know. Maybe that’s all life comes to in the end…. I don’t know my elbow from my dick. I have lived by my dick for most of my life. I have been that dumb. That stupid. Juvenile. I don’t need to list of all the terms, do I? Of course not. I’m not bored nor numb nor empty nor without some sense of resposibility and reason…. I’m just…… Incredibly messed up and sincerely wishing I had never been born. I’m contradicting myself at every twist and turn. I’m……. I messed up and she doesn’t want to spend any more time with a guy, who at the age of 52 cannot find himself.
Carl: You two have been through so much…. The death of all of your parents…. The death of all three of your children….. the divorces of your best friends… the sex scandal that almost cost you your job at the school. You cheated once and it was awful of you… I’m not justifying it in anyway because you were wrong in going with another woman when you two agreed to a monogamous relationship. But I have to believe that you two could rise above this infidelity and come to some sort of resolution to do better in the future. But maybe you crossed the line and now you will find yourself all alone because I doubt this other woman truly cares about you.

Bob: Does she even care about me? I don’t even know where she is. She could be anywhere. Maybe she has already killed herself. I’m a little obsessed with death. Ever since I was born, well not that long, but from the age of 7 or 8 or 9 I became very transfizxed by the notion that I would not have to live here forever. You know I had my first girlfriend when I was 25 years old, and it was her. She accepted me with all my faults and all my brokeness and I truly believed that I would finally be rid of all the demons that had plagued me all my life. And for a while I was. I finally got moving, got a degree, got a job, got a nice apartment and I truly thought I was going to go places, meet exciting people, be kind, do good works, and mean something in the long run, and for a while I was doing well. I was making good money, we had children, good kids at that. We had many friends and were finding solace and purpose in all the right places for all the right reasons. But then the kids died, our parents were murdered, abortions and miscarriages took place, the economy hit us hard which meant unemployment and looking for work we were overqualified for. Ageism began to take place. We began to knmow prejudice and ignorance like never before. Loneliness, depression, brokeness, slackerism, laziness, long nights, endless mornings became a routine. Suicidal thoughts and doubts seeped back in then everything went haywire until the other night when I lay with another woman and broke all the vows and promises I made all those years ago to end my perpetual loneliness and despair. And now I have done nothing but screw myself to a hopefully premature grave that will be attended by a very few and cared about by even less.
Carl: Bob, it’s time.
Bob: Very well. (Shoots Himself.)