We Have the Man

Trion: (Answers phone). Hey. Hey. Thanks. No… No problem. Yeah, I’ll figure it all out. I’m going to stay somewhere for a couple of weeks. I’m not sure where yet but somewhere. It’ll be ok. I’m doing fine. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, I wouldn’t do that…. Well, I’ve made tons of mistakes, I’ve been mean and merciless to a lot of people…. I know we all are, but…. Yeah, Yeah.. Well, I’ll talk to you another time. (Puts down phone).

(Knock at door)

Trion: It’s open.

George: Hello, Trion.

Trion: Hello. I don’t know who you are.

George: I don’t know you either but I will soon enough. I’ve heard plenty about you though.

Trion: Oh. Interesting.

George: Egret will be coming later. Five minutes, tops.

Trion” Oh, the bird?

George: Bird? Oh, oh, right. No. No. Egret is a girl. 25, I think.

Trion: Oh. Well, I suppose, you both can stay. I…

George: We weren’t planning to ask.

Trion: Anyone else?

George: Do you listen… oh, right, other than me and Egret…. Ummm, no, no. Only the two of us. Snickety didn’t wish to come this time.

Trion: Oh. I wanted to meet him.

George: Explain.

Trion: Oh… I was being sarcastic, if I remember correctly…

George: Never ever use sarcasm around us, ok? We do not understand nor do we tolerate it, no, never, death will occur.

Trion: that doesn’t sound just…

George: Just? You have the gall, the arrogance to speak of justice, mr. mercy?

Trion: Don’t call me that, call me Trion

George: I’m in charge here. Well, Egret and I are in charge. She’s here now, you just can’t see her.

Trion: Wait, wait… I…. I…. Wait, I’m trying to make some…

George: Don’t. Don’t give it a meaning or a purpose. Don’t try, no, no, focus on me, what I’m saying to you, don’t go in for analyzing and philosophizing, that’s my area, Mercy. Yes. Let me be your guide. Ok? Don’t worry about it, I’m here to help… condemn and hurt, also, probably, but mostly help. Ok?

Trion: Ok.

Geroge: Now let’s begin from the… well, you’re aware of everything that this concerns even if you don’t know it yet. Ok. Ok?

Trion: Sure. Yeah.

George: Good. A while ago you were born. Now you’re here. It’s all being taken from you because of all your cruelty and evil in the course of the last several years. Correct?

Trion: Yeah. Yeah.

George: Ok. Good. Yes. You’re following or pretending to follow. We can live with that. Nice. I need a drink. Do you have anything?

Trion: No. Not a thing.

George: Could you go to the store to get something?

Trion: Do you have money?

George: I believe so. (Trion hands him a five dollar bill.) Anything, it’s all the same to me. (Trion exits).

George: Come out, Egret.

Egret: Ok.

George: There you are.

Egret: Here I am.

George: We’ll wait for a few moments then we’ll do what we came for.

Egret: Ok. I forget why we are here.

George: As do I but we’ll remember when it’s time.

(Ohoke enters.)

Ohoke: Hello.

Egret and George (Unison): Hello.

Ohoke: George, you’re done here. Thank you for your services.

George: Certainly. (He exits).

Ohoke: Just you and me, Egret.

Egret: Very well.

Ohoke: You’re pretty.

Egret: You’re handsome.

Ohoke: So, we agree.

Egret: It appears so.

Ohoke: Game?

Egret: Sure. Cards or mind?

Ohoke: Neither. Let’s play it with Mr. Mercy.

Egret: Mr. Mercy? Oh, you mean Trion?

Ohoke: Of course.

Egret: He’s dead by now.

Ohoke: Oh, right. I almost forgot.

Egret. In fact, we have a job to do.

Ohoke: We certainly do.

Egret: But, what is it?

Ohoke: We need to replace him with something better.

Egret: A child.

Ohoke: No, we can’t go that route. We have to make something ourselves without that little bit of business.

Egret: Oh. That sounds very complex.

Ohoke: It actually isn’t.

(Trion enters)

Trion: I’m back. There wasn’t anything in the stores.

Ohoke: That’s fine. We’re not thirsty.

Trion: What happened to George?

Ohoke: I don’t know. Do you know something we don’t? What have you done, eh? Speak up!

Trion: I… I.. I…

Ohoke: Yeah, yeah. We have you pegged. We get it. We know it all. Egret, tie him to the sofa.

Egret: If I must.

Ohoke: You must.

(Egret ties Trion to sofa)

Ohoke: Good. You’re supposed to be dead, Mercy.

Trion: It’s Trion. Not Mercy.

Ohoke: Don’t you dare play that game with me, Mercy. I’ve heard enough of it in my life. I’ve heard it all. I’ve been in this situation more times than you’ve hurt people by your lack of grace and kindness.

Trion: Please, don’t.

Ohoke: Please, lets. Egret, get me the book.

Egret: Sure. (Produces little book from pocket, and hands it to Ohoke).

Ohoke: You’ve hurt and alienated every friend and family member you ever had. Your three wives: you haven’t spoken to any of them in twenty years. How old are you now?

Trion: I don’t know.

Ohoke: Neither do we. We don’t know how old we are either though. Aghh, age has no relevance here, you’re a rotten person either way.

Trion: I was. I’m not now. I promise. I know it looks bad. I’m out of everything, I’m losing it all and I deserve it, and maybe that’s the only reason I’m being humbled, but…

Egret: Enough. Stop all your excuses, and your self-pity. We will not and cannot tolerate it. You are to be eliminated to be replaced with something kinder, gentler, richer. It doesn’t have to be much, you have allowed for your competition to be quite awful but still greater than you.

Trion: Are you human?

Egret and Ohoke: Are you?

Trion: No, this… this is absurd.

Egret: Precisley. It’s meant to be strange, mysterious and incredibly messed up. We’re not going to speak clearly and succinctly, well not to you, everything we say makes sense to us but not to you. More the pity, right? Not necessarily. All of this could mean anything: no second chances, you reap what you sow, you’re being replaced because you sucked as a human being…. But, simply, you’re just not worth it to the human race, or what passes for the human race today. You were about to change or so you say, but we have our doubts, and nothing can be definitively shown to us that you will make good on this promise you have just given. So… Goodbye, Mercy.

Trion: It’s Trion!

Egret: It doesn’t matter now. (Pulls out a gun)

Trion: Wait! I want a few last words.

Egret: If you must.

Trion: I must.

Ohoke: Fine. Let him waste his and our time. He’s done it all his life.

Trion: Ok. I’ve been… I’ve been everything that’s bad with this world. I’m not even going to name off the list since you two have been told about all my problems, all my weaknesses, all my cruelties, absolutely everything I ever did wrong which was everything which is why I am now losing everything on this earth except my life…. But I need this life. I never knew anything before, nothing, whereas now I know what I’m going…. Well, yes, I’m going to be kind even if no one ever respects or loves me again. I’m going to hold onto whatever it is I love, respect and adore and make sure it goes and it means more than the world to me. That’s it. I’m… I’m….

Egret: You have no idea how you’re going to do any of this. So, (Shoots Trion). Goodbye.

Ohoke: What do you think?

Egret: (Sudden realization) He said his name was Trion, right?

Ohoke: Something like that, yes.

Egret: We kept calling him Mercy.

Ohoke: Yes.

Egret: We killed the wrong man.

Ohoke: Oh. Well, let’s go get Mercy now.

Egret: Right.

(End of play. Curtain)