This is the End

Dolores: Today is the day.
Edward: No. Tomorrow will be the day.
Dolores: Shut up.
Edward. As you wish. If we could do it all over would you marry me?
Dolores: Of course I would.
Edward: Thank you. I am glad we never had children though. I have never cared to hear the voice of a child.
Dolores: I know. You have never cared much for anyone though. I have often been certain that you hate me too.
Edward: Only sometimes. Don’t worry about that. If I truly hated you I would have killed you long ago.
Dolores: It is a shame we never left our spouses.
Edward: Yes, but there is no time for regrets now. We are both moderately happy and we know who we really love.
Dolores: It is also a shame the world is ending today.
Edward: Tomorrow.
Dolores: Stop being so difficult, Edward.
Edward: I forget how old you are.
Dolores: 33.
Edward: I am 66.
Dolores: You’re twice as old as I am.
Edward: This all sounds so morbid. Have we always been such reclusive people?
Dolores: I assume so. Neither one of us have really moved in many years.
Edward: I should have been a hippy.
Dolores: You made a decent living.
Edward: I never enjoyed it though.
Dolores: Let’s kiss then we can discuss our disgust and dissatisfaction a little more.
Edward: Please, no. I am going to leave my wife tonight.
Dolores: Don’t be silly, Edward.
Edward: I have to.
Dolores: Don’t.
Edward: I can’t stay with her any more.
Dolores: I hate my husband too but what would we do if one of us were single? It wouldn’t work.
Edward. We would have no reason to keep our love secret any more.
Edward: Don’t you realize how sick it is that we keep our love for each other hidden because we have allowed ourselves to be trapped in empty, loveless relationships?
Dolores: Absolutely not. We have both been empty long enough to realize how little it means.
Edward: I’m sorry. I am leading us down a very depressing and morbid road. I didn’t set out to have a conversation as dark and as grueling as this.
Dolores: I know, dear. You have always wanted to be the clown.
Edward: Why have I never gotten a laugh then?
Dolores: You can’t help the fact that you’re not funny.
Edward: That does severely complicate things.
Dolores: I wrote another note to my brother Martin today.
Edward: How is he?
Dolores: No one knows. He’s been missing for twenty years now.
Edward: Where do you send his letters?
Dolores: To my parents.
Edward: Do they read them?
Dolores: Yes. They write back.
Edward: You come from a most strange family.
Dolores: How is your sister?
Edward: She died a few months ago. Drank herself to death.
Dolores: I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?
Edward: Did you have any reason to know?
Dolores: Did you tell your wife?
Edward: Naturally.
Dolores: But you didn’t tell your lover?
Edward: You didn’t know Madeline. She did.
Dolores: But you and I love each other.
Edward: To an extent, yes, but we’re hardly in love.
Dolores: Edward! Take that back!
Edward: Listen, Dolores, we have some great times together but we’re just two lonely, needy people who found some solace in another after being unable to cope with our own meaningless marriages any more.
Dolores: How has your wife remained married to a man as cold and dark as you for forty-five years?
Edward: I have often asked her that question. She has never been able to answer it. We never had children so they weren’t keeping her. I never made a lot of money, and I wasn’t romantic or violent. I always suffered and mourned in private. I don’t think she and I have had a real conversation in our entire marriage.
Dolores: Why do you two stay married then?
Edward: I don’t know why I have done anything I’ve done.
Dolores: Let’s listen to some music.
Edward: That sounds delightful.
Dolores: Existentialist sounds or Nihilistic?
Edward: Neither. Let us listen to utopian dreams lived out through music and sound.
Dolores: Won’t we feel a little emptier?
Edward: Perhaps but it’s worth a shot.
Dolores: Why can we not escape these feelings? Have we become addicted to feelings of futility?
Edward: I’ll put the music on (Exits).
Dolores: Come in, Jonathan.
Jonathan: This is the man.
Dolores: He is the only man I have ever loved.
Jonathan: He is very old. He is not even remotely handsome.
Dolores: But I love him.
Jonathan: I don’t think we should be married any more.
Dolores: Don’t overreact, Jonathan.
Jonathan: You promised me your fidelity.
Dolores: I also promised you I’d care what you had to say about everything. The truth is I don’t care for any of your beliefs.
Jonathan: As soon as he walks back into this room I will kill one of you. It will be a surprise as to which one I choose to exterminate.
Dolores: Bragging does not suit you, John. You don’t really care about what is going on here. Your anger will disappear before he returns.
Jonathan: I love you, I hope you know that.
Dolores: The world is going to end today.
Jonathan: Dolores, I love you.
Dolores: Would you like fish or chicken tonight?
Jonathan: Why, Dolores, why have you done this to me?
Dolores: Our marriage has never been anything but a cell for the both of us. We both hate each other, why do we persist in believing we could be anything other than casual acquaintances?
Edward: I could not find any music.
Jonathan: I threw all that trash out last week.
Edward: You must be Jonathan. I was beginning to think you were a figment of her imagination.
Jonathan: I assure you. I am very real. Now I am going to kill one of you.
Edward: Please don’t bother with murder. One of us could die or two of us or all three of us but what would even one single death solve? What’s the point?
Jonathan: Were you a lawyer?
Edward: No but I watched enough movies, and I’ve lived enough of life to know that death and carnage will solve nothing, not even for a moment.
Celeste: Hello, Edward. Is this your lover?
Edward: Yes.
Celeste: A man, I see.
Edward: He is very handsome but no. My lover is the young lady standing over there.
Celeste: She is very pretty. What’s your name, young woman?
Dolores: None of your business.
Celeste: Well, None of Your Business, let’s fight for our man.
Edward: Jonathan, let us sit down and enjoy this fight.
Jonathan: Are they really going to fight?
Edward: Whether your wife consents or not there will be a fight and she will be pulverized.
Jonathan: Pity. Ladies, fight!
Dolores: Celeste…
Celeste: My dear, no talking, just fight me. I’ll let you have the first punch then I’ll kick your a*s.
Dolores: I have a rather large a*s.
Celese: That makes it that much more fun to kick.
Dolores: You know your husband loves fat asses like mine.
Celeste: Oh, my dear, I know it. And your a*s is hardly fat, young woman, you simply have a very well-proportioned one that weak men like my Edward go crazy for. I never had much of an a*s myself.
Dolores: I could never tell. It seems to be invisible.
Celeste: Enough with the wisecracks, missy. It’s time for me to send you to Hell.
Dolores: May we postpone this meeting.
Celeste: I suppose. Let us all sit down to tea, cookies and talk. What shall we talk about? Well we cannot discuss good marriages. That much is certain.
Edward: We’re living in a strange drawing-room comedy.
Dolores: Shouldn’t one of us be merely amusing then?
Celeste: Oh, you young people never know how to find amusement. All of us are amusing and all of us are dull… and so on and so forth to infinity. Isn’t talking a bore? Isn’t it dreadful? Isn’t asking all of these pointless questions as titillating as conversation gets?
Dolores: Let us fight.
Celeste: That was a joke, you silly goose. I would never fight a woman that probably has a venereal disease of some sort.
Jonathan: Maybe we should discuss how we’re all going to move on after this.
Edward: No. Let’s listen to music instead.
Celeste: is music an aphrodisiac of some sort?
Edward: Hell if I know. I just like it to give me a sense of something.
Dolores: So what is all this? Jonathan, how satisfying is Celeste?
Jonathan: Oh, you know, she’s awful.
Celeste: He’s very right. I’m awful. He’s awful. We’re not happy. It eludes us and escapes us at every turn. I’ve tried other lovers, no, no one will ever satisfy me, and there’s no reason for that.
Edward: Some music, please.
Jonathan: I have some music in my car. I recorded it.
Dolores: I’d rather have dinner with Schopenhauer or Sartre.
Jonathan: I have improved. I sing about lost love now.
Edward: Everyone does that. I don’t want to hear anything depressing. I am depressed. I want to hear the complete opposite of what I am.
Dolores: maybe this is why we’re always in the pit of despair.
Edward: What did Melville… No, it was Hemingway… No it was Fred Rogers…. No, maybe it was Rush Limbaugh…. Barney? Well, someone said something to the effect that…. I forget it. It doesn’t matter.
Celeste: I’ll be back. I lied. I won’t. In fact…. (Falls dead.)
Edward: She was a lovely woman.
Jonathan: I’ll find another mistress.
Dolores: What was her name?
Jonathan: Doesn’t matter. She had beautiful eyes though.
Edward: After I find some music we’ll take care of her body.
Jonathan: Should we call someone?
Edward: I’ll bury her in the backyard.
Jonathan: Wouldn’t that look pretty bad?
Dolores: Don’t worry about it, Jonathan. Rules hardly apply to us.
Edward: I’m pretty bored. I don’t know what to listen to.
Dolores: I heard of this place called McDonald’s.
Edward: Yes.
Dolores: Their employees are happier than we are.
Edward: Everyone is happier than we are.
Dolores: Why was I born?
Jonathan: To make me unhappy and pathetic.
Dolores: Well that reason satisfies me.
Jonathan: Celeste had a good idea.
Edward: Go for it, your voice is not music to the ears.
Jonathan: I want you all to myself, Dolores!
Dolores: Edward?
Edward: A great man once said…. “Life is a pity.” Well, we’ve had some nice times, kid. But I’m done with you. Jonathan, shall we?
Jonathan: Sure.
(They exit.)
Celeste: I’m alive.
Dolores: Do you want to kiss?
Celeste: No I’ll find someone else.
Dolores: But the world is ending in two minutes.
Celeste: Oh. Still no. I’ll die alone.
Dolores: Please.
Celeste: No.
Dolores: Here it comes……
(Explosion. Blackout. End.)

Reviews

[Senseless whatever]

Depressing, funny, entertaining and insightful. There that about covers it. Good job.

[See_What_Unfolds]

Its really twisted, but good. It has that out there concept thats depressing, but funny in a morbid sorta way. never the less, it was neat

[.ronald.039.]

This was so twisted, so depressing, so surreal, it was unbelievable. I really, really liked it man. I was enamored by the plot line and by their interactions, in the best way. It was surreal, that's the best way to put it. It was real good. The ending was amazing. I don't know if you're attention was a black comedy, but that's how it came across to me. Loved it.