Bored Shoes

Ted: I love you.

Alice: No.

Ted: I do.

Alice: Are you serious?

Ted: Maybe.

Alice: I don’t know. We need to be more romantic.

Ted: Should we kiss?

Alice: No. Not yet. Maybe later.

Ted: I would very much like to kiss you.

Alice: No. Not yet.

Ted: Please.

Alice: No.

Ted: Can we hug?

Alice: Let’s talk first.

Ted: Fine. If we have to.

Alice: What would you like to talk about?

Ted: I don’t know. I don’t like to talk.

Alice: Would you rather have sex?

Ted: No. I enjoy sex less than I enjoy talking.

Alice: Then let’s talk.

Ted: Ok. I like to talk about women, but I don’t think you’d be very interested.

Alice: Depends what you say about them.

Ted: I hate them.

Alice: Very well. Let’s talk about something else.

Ted: I’m bored.

Alice: I’m sorry.

Ted: It’s not your fault. I want to kiss you.

Alice: We must get better acquainted first.
Ted: I don’t think that’s necessary. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.

Alice: There must be something that interests you.

Ted: No.

Alice: Do you have dreams?

Ted: I don’t know.

Alice: I don’t think I can be with someone who is wasting their life.

Ted: That makes sense but I still want to kiss you.

Alice: No.

Ted: Let’s stand up.

Alice: I don’t care to. I wish to leave this room.

Ted: Send another pretty girl in.

Alice: You’re shallow and needy.

Ted: Very good.

Alice: Are you proud of yourself?

Ted: No. I just want to love and be loved in return.

Alice: But you hate yourself and everyone else.

Ted: Right. But I will eventually love myself and others.

Alice: I’m not sure.

Ted: You might be right but if you don’t care to have anything to do with me, leave this room, and send another pretty, sweet girl in. One much prettier and caring than you.

Alice: No. I am going to stay and make you feel uncomfortable.

Ted: You did that a while ago.

Alice: I will make it worse.

Ted: I used to have pets. I used to have a family. I used to be loved, but I never loved her. We did not know each other. I don’t know why she thought she fell in love with me. I still hear from her occasionally.

Alice: I had that same experience with the same person.

Ted: Fascinating. I miss her.

Alice: I miss her too.

Ted: Let’s dance.
Alice: No. Not yet.

Ted: I want to dance.

Alice: I want to sing. May I?

Ted: No.

Alice: (Sings)

Ted: You have an awful voice.

Alice: Thank you.

Ted: I love you.

Alice: Shall we take our shoes off?

Ted: I am not wearing shoes.

Alice: What are you wearing?

Ted: I am barefoot.

Alice: How existential.

Ted: Not at all.

Alice: Is it post-modern?

Ted: I’m just barefoot.

Alice: You’re right.

Ted: I’m bored.

Alice: Let’s play a game.

Ted: I just want to kiss you.

Alice: We can create a game.

Ted: I need to go to the bathroom.

Alice: I would like to get drunk.

Ted: I would love to get high.

Alice: We should.

Ted: No.

Alice: Let’s play a game then.

Ted: I’m bored. We should read the classics.
Alice: Let’s read romance.

Ted: Adventure.

Alice: Sci-fi.

Ted: Fantasy.

Alice: Memoirs.

Ted: Diatribes. Let’s cut this out, and just love each other.

Alice: Mystery.

Ted: (Grabs her, kisses her) I have finally gotten what I wanted. Farewell. Enjoy your life. (Exits).

Alice: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!

(Curtain)