Bore

I’m lonely. I’m depressed. I’m feeling inadequate and frightened and tortured. I’m all alone. Sure my husband will be home in a minute or so but he’s no company. He comes in and b*****s about his job then he eats. Then he grumbles his way to the TV set and b*****s about everyone on the news and running our government is an idiot. I try to turn a reality show on and he says all of reality tv is stupid and trivial and says I should be doing more worthwhile things which means I should do whatever he likes. He’s obnoxious, overbearing, doesn’t read, doesn’t write, doesn’t have any hobbies. Believe me he sure doesn’t enjoy sex or foreplay or having witty, urbane conversations. He b*****s and grunts and farts and avoids all issues all the time. This is the man I have been married to for forty years. Hence the reason I am always miserable. Here he comes now. I wish we had some liquor in the house.

I hate my job. Bunch of a******s. How was your day? That’s great. This a*****e at work. My God, what an a*****e.

How so

What the Hell is your problem? Do I have to give you reasons for everything I think and feel? That’s ridiculous. Just give me some silence for a while. Just shut up and let me breathe and think. You’re so obnoxious always blabbering away and complaining and and never shutting up. Just, geez oh pete, shut up and let me think about what I have to do for tonight and for tomorrow. Oh God it’s only Tuesday. This week is going to be a b***h. Damn it. I don’t want to do this again. Oh, God, you haven’t done the dishes. What the hell have you been doing?

Well

Jesus,. Do I have to do everything around here? What the hell are we having for dinner anyway? Dom’t worry about it. Don’t tax yourself on my account. I’ve only been working and salving to feed you and keep you in this nice middle class household all day long. I get no respect. You don’t think much of me. Thanks. I feel so unappreciated and overworked around here. Jesus Christ. Dinner better be good. I’ll tell you that. And let me tell you something we have a lot to talk about tonight during dinner. And while we’re watching TV and seeing how stupid everyone else is in this world

Very well

Yes it is. Now listen to me. Do you need to go anywhere tomorrow? Well, answer me I don’t have all night, dear

No. I took care-

Fine. Fine. But you better be sure because this is the last time I’m going to ask you. I’m hungry. I’m exhausted. Work is a b***h. The boss, you know that a*****e, wants me to file all these bullshit claims I don’t give two s***s about. I just want to tell him to kiss my a*s but I need this job so I can keep your a*s fed and sheltered. I work too hard and sacrifice too much but what can you do? Someone has to do it, and fate has decided I have to be the poor soul to do it. So is dinner on the table yet?

It will be… I haven’t started it

Oh geez. Busy watching TV huh? Yeah a lot of quality things are on at this time I’m sure. The house still looks like s**t. Yeah you’re a real Martha Stewart. You should pitch a show to TV: I’m a Pig or some such s**t. They’ll hire you in a moment. They’ll never believe a woman could be such a slob. Well I guess I’ll have to watch some TV now.

Read a book

I read books as a kid, during college, I read all I needed to know. There’s nothing out there to interest me anymore. All the stories… .they’re boring, contrived, overdone, commercial, mainstream, they’re s***s. It’s as simple as that. Plus they use too many high-faluting words and I just don’t wish to read them anymore.

Could you try to fix the plumbing?

I worked hard all day. You sit on your lazy a*s here all day and you can’t do that yourself? I don’t think I’ll be doing that. How about you get off your worthless a*s a little earlier tomorrow and you can take care of your negligence and futility? Is that understood? Correct? Geez why do I put up with your s**t? (Takes pants off) It’s way too hot in here. You could turn the thermostat down occasionally. What do you do around here all day anyway? Could you imagine if we had kids? You better not be pregnant or seriously I’d kick the s**t out of you right now. Kids. We don’t need that s**t.

When are you going to stop making me a part of your misery?

I’m not miserable. I’m just a martyr. I’m frustrated, but I’m very happy. You wouldn’t understand something so complicated. You’re a nitwit. Yeah you probably think I’m a self-indulgent narcissist. No I’m just overworked. A martyr to far too many causes in this my weary life. A world full of sleaze, a******s, peons, triviality w****s. God, who gives a s**t? Everything is s**t. Nothing is good. Nothing is sacred. Religion is out. Politicians are all liars and c***s. I hate all of this. I hate it. Jesus Christ. Goddammit! Why did you not dust today?! My allergies are out of control now! My God, do something around here once in a while. I can’t believe it would kill you to do a little something rather than sleeping and watching that negro Oprah all day! Christ! Why are we married? I am five years from retirement, and I feel I could never afford it, and I wouldn’t want to retire anyway because if I do then I would have to take over all household duties since you sure as Hell are never going to have to do any. You don’t do anything. I need some socks. Have you done the laundry?

Y…

Never mind. I know you haven’t. You wouldn’t bother. I’ll just have to wear dirty socks tomorrow because I sure as Hell am not going to do any laundry… that is not and never will be my responsibility. That is ladies work, nothing more. I’m exhausted. Get me some dinner already. Do we have steak? No? Damn it. Why not? Why don’t you go out and buy steak? What do we have then?

Chicken.

I hate chicken. Why chicken? What gave you the idea that I would ever want something like chicken? My God you’re stupid. Inconsiderate. It’s a conspiracy, isn’t it? You’re trying to kill me. But why? Why would you want to kill a man who has done everything for you? Is this going to be one more of your “But you don’t love me” rants? Well damn it, no it isn’t because I refuse to listen to yet another, “Oh, pity me, I’ve had it so hard with this brute.” I have treated you well, provided for you, done all the work, everything. You have nothing to b***h about. So if I hit you and yell at you occasionally, well it’s the least you owe me for how providing and charitable I have been for you over all these years. Now run your a*s to the grocery and get me some steak

F**k you! No! You’ve forgotten that I work a job too, you f*****g a*****e! That’s why the laundry isn’t done, why the floors aren’t mopped,