Yo

Fred: Is that you, Killer?

Killer: Yep. I’m homeless now.
Fred: Do you enjoy it?
Killer: No. I’d rather have a home.
Fred: Homes and families are overrated. I often wish I were homeless.
Killer: I can understand that. Can you understand why I’d like to have a home and family though?
Fred: Sure, but I think I’m the saner one here.
Killer: Surely. I’ve been in and out of the mental institution twelve times over the last three years. Have you been in one yet?
Fred: I visit your ex-wife there.
Killer: How is she?
Fred: Fantastic.
Killer: Why didn’t you two ever get married?
Fred: I didn’;t want to get a divorce. Too much paperwork.
Killer: I see. I have a date tonight.
Fred: Homeless people date?
Killer: Yeah we’re like anyone else.
Fred: You don’t look like everyone else.
Killer: Neither do you. We’re all different yet we’re all the same.
Fred: Ok, you nutcase, I’ll catch you later.
Killer: Oh, wait, a girl by the name of Lily came by earlier.
Fred: Pretty, isn’t she?
Killer: Well, yes, we all are. She’s waiting for you at home. I’ll be over at 7.
Fred: ou can’t come to my house.
Killer: Sure I can.
Fred: I don’t want you in my house.
Killer: Why because I’ve killed twelve men?
Fred: I think that’s a decent reason?
Killer: Your prejudice knows no bounds
Fred: Fine. Come over. My Mother-in-law will be there anyway, she’s killed off at least nine husbands now.
Killer: What are we having?
Fred: You want to stay for dinner?
Killer: Yeah, I can’t afford a restaurant so I’ll take my date to your place.
Fred: You can’t bring a date.
Killer: I don’t see why not.
Fred: Is she clean?
Killer: Are any of us unclean?
Fred: Well, yeah!
Killer: Your anger and your hatred are going to make you very miserable, you know?
Fred: But, well, that’s, come on, I mean, ummm, come on, don’t be this way. Be sensible. Talk with some sense.
Killer: Here she comes! We can go now!
Fred: Wait! That’s my wife!
Killer: Yep! Surprise!
Serenity: Hey, Killer. (They madly embrace.) Hello, husband.
Fred: How long has this been going on?
Serenity: About ten years.
Fred: Seriously, Serenity?
Serenity: No, it’s been twelve years actually.
Fred: We weren’t even married twelve years ago.
Serenity: Weird, isn’t it?
Killer: Oh, Fred, we’ve been trying to protect your feelings but we couldn’t hide it anymore. Serenity’s moving in with me.
Fred: Moving in where?! You’re homeless!
Killer: Well we don’t all need big fancy houses with all the latest appliances, Fred.
Fred: Big, fancy house? We live in a flat!
Killer: Nevertheless, Serenity has now decided after being in a loveless marriage for 11 years she must be with the one she loves.
Fred: Well, are you thinking of getting a job?
Killer: I don’t need one. I have transcended such ordinary things. Serenity and I are in love, that’s enough.
Serenity: I have grown so weary of your materialistic ways, Fred.
Fred: What materialism? I haven’t bough anything new all year. I pack a lunch, I walk everywhere, we don’t have gas or electricity half the year, we don’t even have a bed. I’m..
Serenity: But you’re living in a mansion while the real people are on the streets building their own homes.
Fred: It’s not a mansion! It’s, what planet are you two living on? What’;s going on?
Killer: We’ll talk about it over dinner, Fred.
Fred: There isn’t going to be any dinner, you bum! You’re stealing my wife away from me and you don’t even have a home. How did this happen? Do you have any idea how ridiculous this is? This is, you have got to be kidding me. Is it April 1st! Yes, it is, isn’t it. No, it’s December. Of all the months to move out on the street, why right before Christmas>
Serenity: When you have tio go, you have to go.
Fred: The children! What about them?
Serenity: They’re coming along!
Fred: No children of mine are going to move into a box! No, I refuse. I wil;l nopt have them freezing outside, they can freeze inside but not outside.
Killer: He doesn’t get it, Serenity. He never will. He’;s a very sad case. (They exit)
Fred: What just happned here?
(End.)