Last Chance

Frank: I’m going to get the car, I guess. Tell Jamie I would like to see her. Got the new car, you know.

Cecil: Oh yeah? You have no idea how much I don‘t care.

Frank: Sure I do.

Cecil: You couldn‘t possibly know. Jamie died anyway.

Frank: Shucks. Who am I going to go with then?

Cecil: I‘d go with you but you bore me so you‘re on your own.

Frank: Is Rita still around?

Cecil: How the Hell would I know that? I don‘t know any Rita. I don‘t even know who I am most of the time. I‘m bored. I must go eat. But I remember that we have no food. See we lost all our money. My masters. I get to quit this job at the end of the week, and move on to even worse a******s.

Frank: Congratulations, you piece of s**t. Now where is she?

Cecil: I can‘t wait to leave here. This place is uninspiring. I should have committed suicide eons ago in a place as bad as this.

Frank: I never much understood suicide. I wouldn‘t do that. If I wouldn‘t do it, I don‘t understand it. I‘m that good. I need some cash. Do you have some? I‘m going to have do something different with my hair too. It‘s not that great. Scratch the money idea. I think I know where to get some. Damn! I forgot to take back my library books. Now I‘m going to owe… I don‘t even know how much. Okay. You! Get the maid.

Cecil: Oh, bother.

(Cecil exits.)

Frank: Crappy hair. Library overdue fines. Damnation. Did I even read the books? I never read so I guess not. I need to write that poem to Lydia. Isn‘t her birthday coming up soon? I don‘t know. The bills. Oh, that cannot be good. The lamp. I need to buy a new lamp for my son. What‘s his name? David, maybe. Could be Dennis. I once had a friend named Dartagnan. Oh, no, I didn‘t. That was a character from Snow White. No, that‘s not right. He was the king of Spain. No I‘m a hopeless idiot.

(Maid enters.)

Maid: Yes, dumbass?

Frank: Cripes. You’re surprisingly plain. Okay. Here’s the deal. I need a maid. Are you interested?

Maid: Do you have a daughter?

Frank: Sure. Why the Hell not?

Maid: I’m not sure if I believe you. What’s your name?

Frank: That doesn’t concern you. I just want you to come to my house and clean the place up daily. We won’t be having intercourse or anything unless I want to vomit. Where did you go to elementary school?

Maid: I didn’t. I never went to school. I never felt like it. I did what I wanted since I wanted to. You know what I’m saying. I need to go clean the bathroom. I’ll be back when you’re dead.
Frank: Dirty talk. Nice.

Maid: You met Cecil, right?

Frank: Sure. The guy who looked like Morticia Addams?

Maid: Or Liz Taylor, sure. He and I once met Shakespeare.

Frank: Neat. Shakespeare wrote travel journals, right?

Maid: I’ll love him forever. Not Cecil or Shakespeare. Just him. That’s all you or anyone else need to know. What the Hell is Love anyway? None of us know. Some of us like to think we know or we build all kinds of illusions and become convinced that we know. But none of us actually know. I have no illusions of knowing. I am constantly asking, “What does all this s**t mean?” Those exact words. That’s probably why I’ve never belonged anywhere. And is probably the reason people call me annoying and uncultured. Oh well. I’ll be your maid I guess. I have nowhere else to go and no one who wants to be with me. So you’ll do. I’m going to go read some Chekov. Ta-at.

Frank: Wait. Hang on. I want to hold you for a moment.

Maid: I’m far too fragile. Delicate. Proud. Lonely. Disconnected. Words. Words. Expressions. Love. Indifference. Superfluousness. I’m exhausted and famished and I just want to go home although I have no home and never will. That is precisely, exactly where I want to be. I’m done. Please…. I must go start dinner.

Frank: Let me.

Maid: Please go die.

Frank: Perhaps later. Right now I would very much like to rock you to sleep. You need that. Everyone deserves that.

Maid: The beds. The laundry. The dishes. The endless clutter. My heart. Broken. Alone. Difficult. Distant. Nonexistent. Hateful. Vengeful. Empty. No you can’t. I mustn’t. I must go, but I will be back a little later to see you off.

Frank: Wait!

(She exits.)

Frank: I was raised as a Catholic. Nay, Lutheran. Perhaps some other denomination of a silly religion. I suppose I have nothing against religion though. I don’t know enough about it to dislike it or to scoff at it. I often do but that is because I am a fool, a knave, a depraved mind and soul and body. No one has ever loved me as that woman was talking about. For good reason, of course. Correction: People have loved me but it was always for a short time and I always managed to drive them away. I didn’t want to, but I did and I have to resign myself to the fact that I cannot keep people I love and adore in my life. Too obsessive and reassuring. Too nice. Too caring. Too concerned. I care too much and I say too much or too little. Full of too much self-loathing and an eternal sense of doubt, shame and guilt. But those are merely excuses as I continue to deal in silly abstractions that are meaningless and directionless, as I continue to avoid what I must truly face: Myself. I am never honest with myself nor am I honest with others. I never genuinely speak to others or make it apparent how happy I want them to be. What a f*****g clod and pain in the a*s I have been throughout my mere existence. I hate myself but I love myself and I don’t want to….. Stop. Just stop it. Cecil will be returning soon. If not Cecil…. The The Maid. If not her, then some other person that will not change a single thing about me. I must read more. I must live in the moment more often. Fool. Blasphemer. Pervert. Done. Okay. Done. Damn! Okay. Now. Very well. It’s only inner doubt and torment. Nothing more. Nothing less. Simple. Fundamental. I don’t give a damn or a hang or even a tinker’s damn. Must become resigned to this utter s**t. Well. Good. Neat. Enter!

(Harold enters.)

Harold: S**t. You’re a d********g, correct?

Frank: Certainly.

Harold: Why are you here?

Frank: Where else could I be?

Harold: Anywhere.

Frank: Oh yes. That’s correct. I wish I didn’t have any memories or regrets. I wish I didn’t care about anything. I wish I didn’t have to wish things that will never happen. I need to cancel my life or cancel something even more profound. I wonder what my worldview really is. She always ends up ignoring me. I must be that obnoxious. It hurts so much. So, tell me, what’s your name?

Harold: I’ve been told it’s Harold. I choose to believe those that tell me such things because I don’t want to really dicsover something out that they have neglected to tell me. I’m all alone in the world. Like you and anyone else who has ever been in this place. I wish this were not the case. But all I have left now are these wishes that never come true. As you recently stated.

Frank: Well, let’s find something to drink.

Harold: Don’t bother. We’ll sit down and discuss sports or politics or the weather. We won’t care what the other has to say but that’s okay…. When you’re alone you need some sort of stimulation whether it be worthwhile or pointless. Damn am I ornery and bitter. Lonely. Angry. Just empty. I don’t want to deal and sort through any words or expressions any longer. That’s what I did all my life. I was a people pleaser. I said whatever people wanted to hear because I wanted to be loved and adored by them so much. I never bothered to be myself or treat them as they truly were. I was never a real person. Never was. Never will be. That’s why I’m here. This is our last harbor, you poor, lonely prick.

Frank: I am thirsty.

Harold: You’ll always be thirsty unless you figure out the true way to be. Living in the moment and just enjoying people instead of attempting to make them love you, worship you, want to spend every moment telling you how wonderful you are. We were obsessed with ego and self-esteem. We never bothered to let our minds stop working nonstop and just embrace life and people for what they truly were. We were f*****g morons.

Frank: Can we change it?

Harold: We can, but will we? I don’t know. Anything is possible but we’re stubborn and afraid of almost everything. F**k. Damn. Rot. It continues to plague my entire being. I am all alone as all of us are here. No TV or radio. Are there books here? Magazines? Travel brochures? Maps? A Bible? A Koran? Anything? Something? Nothing? This must be why this is called “The Lost Dope”.

Frank: I didn’t know this place had a name.

Harold: Sure. Sure it does. All places even s****y ones have names, Bozo. But this is it. If we can’t find companionship, understanding, purpose, an end to our loneliness, alienation and solitude here. We never will and we will be doomed to live our loneliness and our loveless lives in an eternal torment. Can you even imagine what that would be like? To go eternally feeling like the most rotten piece of s**t ever created. Horrendous. I have lived that way for 65 years. It’s deplorable. As much as I wish this to be over I don’t want to face eternity the same way. I must find love at this our last harbor or total chaos and despair will ensue. But….. Am I going to lie to myself once more? Who would ever love…. Forget it. The moment. Live in the moment. Forget all my worries, insecurities. The demons. The endless possibilities of fatigue and purposeless…. Put those completely behind me.

Frank: I wonder if The Maid will return. I don’t know what happened to Cecil. I don’t know how much life was left in either one of those two. I think I loved them both in a certain way though. They deserve love anyway. But don’t we all? But some of us are impossible to love. If we were all to be loved the world wouldn’t be the way it is today. This is a dumb fixation of me to have at this point in my life. It’s funny how no human relationships I have had have ever lasted more than a few weeks. A few exceptions, of course, but, by and large, I have been a disappointment as a person. I can never think of enough to say or the right things, or I become desperate, needy and obsessive. But I love people, but they always see me as distant and not serious enough, or as the things I have previously mentioned. It’s a shame, but if this truly is my last harbor I want to make certain that I find love and happiness, cheer, joy, blah blah blah. I have been a writer and an actor and a singer in my life. Words. Words. Words. And masks and poses I have said and worn. I have lied to myself and others throughout my entire….. Yes. I have never trusted myself to be who I really am. How stupid and selfish and detrimental of me. Now look where I am. I only worried about myself that’s why I am the way I am, and why I find myself in this isolated, lonely setting with others as confused, broken and…. Okay well you get the point and know what I mean.

Harold: We just have to do better.

(Cecil enters.)

Cecil: But will we? Will any of us? Or is it too late? Fatalistic, am I? I can read your thoughts. All right. Where’s the Maid?

(The Maid enters.)

The Maid: Hallelujah! I have found what I have been looking for! Farewell, gentlemen!

(She exits.)

Frank: I have already forgotten everything about her. I want that feeling of belonging though. Contentment. Even resignation would be fine. I am sick of being too much of everything that leads to heartbreak and loss. What do you say, Fellas?

Harold: Forget this. It’ll never happen.

(He leaves.)

Frank: Cecil?

Cecil: (Stares.)

(Cecil exits.)

Frank: Well………………………. How long do I have to wait and for what?

(Curtain.)

Reviews

[Carter Meyer]

very interesting read; I liked it though. it's nice to see some stage plays around :) thanks for sharing with us! Really great. Can't wait to read more from you, and, if you have the time, feel free to check out some of my own work. I'll be posting some stage plays soon.

[Bexfinch]

i liked it id love to see it acted out

[Senseless whatever]

Interesting write. I thought it started off kind of devoid of emotion. More of a rude banter back and forth between characters. After rereading it I found there are some good messages, insights here and there. Some breaks might help bring them out and make it a bit easier on the reader.

[deeps]

PLease go die, i found that line humorus.
This is set up very well. (Need some breaks here and there)
I like the set up and arrangment of this.
Very well written and your characters hold their place well.
I like this alot.