Feeding The Ducks

Greg: I’m going to feed the ducks, Karen. You coming?

Karen: No. You be safe out there.

Greg: I’m going to feed the ducks. Why won’t you come? Feeding the ducks. Feeding the ducks. I want us to feed the ducks together. They’ll quack and they’ll waddle and they’ll laugh and chase each other and who knows what else they’ll do. They’ll be merry. We’ll be merry. Come feed the ducks with me

Karen: No thank you. But thanks. I appreciate it, but I’m busy

Greg: Come on, come feed the ducks with me. Feed the ducks! Feed the ducks! Feed the ducks!

Karen: Enough. Go. Please. I don’t want to be with you today. I’m sorry but that’s how it is. You asked for it.

Greg: Fine. You’re missing out, sis. Missing out big time. I’m feeding the ducks and you can’t stop me. (Leaves.)

Gerald: Hi, Karen.

Karen: Where have you been?

Gerald: I’ve been.

Karen: I’ve been waiting for you all my life.

Gerald: Cool. However, I must leave.

Karen: But you just got here. I’ve never seen you before but here you are and I think I love you.

Gerald. Nah. You’re just lonely. I just decided to cut through your house. It’s quicker. I’m out of here now. Bye. (Heads out.)

Karen: My love was here but for a moment. It was love at first sight. But where is he now? Ah, well…..

Susan: (Enters.) Hello

Karen: Hi, sis.

Susan: Did Greggy go to feed the ducks?

Karen: As he does every day, yes.

Susan: One day one of us most go with him. It can’t be good for him to be alone all the time. He has serious issues.

Karen: I guess. You can do it.

Susan: No. You. I’m very busy and the outdoors does not treat me well.

Karen: Will anyone ever care about me?

Susan: That’s a silly question. I must go. I’ll be back sometime. Have a nice day. Bye. (She exits.)

Charles: (Enters.) Hello, Karen

Karen: Charles, I feel alone.

Charles: One day that will change. Do you know where I left my wallet?

Karen: In your bedroom. Next to your alarm clock.

Charles: Of course. Thank you. I must be going. (Begins to head out.)

Karen: Aren’t you going to grab your wallet?

Charles: Oh, heavens, no I’ll have someone else grab my tab today. I just want to know where it is if I ever want to spend my own money agaIN. Bye bye. (Exits.)

Gregory: (Re-enters.) I’m back from feeding the ducks!

Karen: How was it?

Gregory: They weren’t there. They never are. I’m sad.

Kasren: I know. Come. Sit with me.

Gregory: (Sits down next to Karen. She wraps him in an embrace.) Will they ever be there?

Karen: All things come.

Gregory: I’m going to head out again.

Karen: Yes. One must never give up hope.

Gregory: Feeding the ducks! (exits.)

Father: (Enters.) Hello, sweetie.

Karen: Father.

Father: Are you well?

Karen: I am not unwell, Father.

Father: I am glad to hear it. Good. By the way, your Mother and I are… we’ll be taking a break.

Karen: As you do every six months, yes, okay.

Father: I am glad you understand. I don’t know what else to say to you. So I’ll leave you alone. Have a nice day. (Exits.)

Mother: (Enters.) Hello, dear.

Karen: Mother.

Mother: Is your brother out feeding the ducks?

Karen: Yes, Mother.

Mother: And your sister.

Karen: She’s busy.

Mother: Very good. And you?

Karen: I am unloved.

Mother. Good. All is as usual. Your Father told you about our mutual separation, I assume?

Karen: Yes. It sounds usual.

Mother: Good. I’m glad to hear you have no objections to voice.

Karen: Yes. It is fine.

Mother: Okay. I have nothing more to discuss with you. Have a nice day. (She exits.)

Gerald: (Re-enters.) Hello. I should introduce myself. I know I used your home as a shortcut to get to work but I can’t face my workplace anymore. I don’t like my boss nor any of my co-workers. It’s too dreary and uninviting. It is devouring my soul and all I am and ever want to be. I am here with you now. I also felt a spark when I crossed through here to get to my dreary job. And you have the courage I lacked to profess your love to me. What courage. I love you, too! Tell me but your name

Karen: I am Karen. I cannot say I recall you.

Gerald: I am the man who crossed through this very room to get to my job. You professed your love for me.

Karen: Oh. Think nothing of that. I do that often.

Gerald: With all men?

Karen: Not all. Often I say nothing or little to them. But, yes, I also often profess love I don’t have to them. It keeps me believing there is some love for me in this world.

Gerald: I apologize then. I thought we had a love between us. But I supposed wrong. I am truly and humbly sorry. I shall leave you be.

Karen: Thank you for being so kind. It means a lot… I just cannot return such an affection.

Gerald: Wait. Let me stay. We’ll get to know each other. Maybe then we’ll have a mutual affection.

Karen: Alright.

Gerald: Tell me about yourself.

Karen: My name is Karen. Your turn

Gerald: Anything else?

Karen: My middle name is Diane.

Gerald: Tell me about your interests

Karen: Love

Gerald: And

Karen: Love

Gerald: And

Karen: Same as previously mentioned

Gerald: Oh. Well, my name is Gerald. I was working as an accountant but it was too dreary. I am now here and I love you, Karen who loves love

Karen: You have misunderstood. I find love interesting. I do not love love.

Gerald: You don’t?

Karen: Not at all. It bores me.

Gerald; But you seem so desperate and desirous to have it.

Karen: I have no answer for you.

Gerald: I must go. This was a mistake.

Karen: It’s all very well. We all make mistakes. Have a nice day.

Gerald; You too. (He exits.)

Charles: (Re-enters.) I have returned.

Karen: How have you been?

Charles: Well. Very well.

Karen: Truly?

Charles: Where did you say my wallet was?

Karen: I don’t recall.

Charles: But you told me earlier.

Karen: Yes I did. I made it up.

Charles: Why?

Karen: Speaking as though you are certain carries much weight and makes things much easier and a lot less fussy.

Charles: What am I to do? Everyone refuses to pick up my tab today!

Karen: Here’s some money. (Hands him a wallet full of cash.)

Charles: This is my wallet!

Karen: How strange.

Charles: You thief!

Karen: Accident

Charles: I highly doubt that.

Father: (Enters) What is this commotion all about?

Charles: Your daughter stole my wallet.

Father: Don’t do that again, sweetie. I have nothing else to say. Good-bye. (He exits.)

Charles: Well, it appears you have learned your lesson. Will you ever steal from me again?

Karen: Most likely.

Charles: Damn you. (He exits.)

Susan: Hello, Karen. Is Greggy still out with the ducks?

Karen: yes.

Susan: I worry about him. He has no friends. He has no prospects. He repeats everything he says several times. He’s a very obsessive person, isn’t he? I suppose that’s what comes of being lonely and having no busyness in your life. How was your day?

Karen: Fine.

Susan: Very well. I am busy. I shall talk to you another time. (She exits.)

Gregory (re-enters) Still no ducks. I am done. No feeding the ducks. No ducks to bed. I wanted to feed some ducks. But no ducks. No ducks. No ducks.

Karen: Come to me. Come to me

Gregory: (He falls into her arms.)

Karen: Someday, Greggy, you will have ducks. They will waddle and quack and cackle and laugh and fly and giggle and stammer and stutter just for you and all people like you. Maybe for people like me. And Mother. And Father. And Charles. And Susan. And Gerald. For all of us. Maybe. Won’t that be lovely?

Gregory: Feeding the ducks. Feeding the ducks. Waddling, quacking, cackling, laughing. Feeding the ducks. Feeding the ducks. Feeding the ducks.

Karen: Yes. Keep feeding the ducks, Gregory. In fact, tomorrow I shall go feed the ducks with you.

Gregory: Feed the ducks! Feed the ducks! Feed the ducks!

Mother and Father enter

Mother: How were the ducks, Greggy?

Gregory: They weren’t there. No feeding the ducks.

Father: It’s okay, son. Well I have no more to say. Good-bye.

Mother. It’s okay, Greggy. I’ll leave you for now. (She exits.)

Gerald: (Re-enters.) Karen! I cannot let you get away! I love you!

Gregory: Feed the ducks.

Gerald: Huh? Oh, hi, and you are???

Gregory: Going to feed the ducks. (He exits.)

Gerald: Was that your lover?

Karen: No. My brother. He’s a little obsessive. What can I do for you?

Gerald: Have you so easily forgotten?

Karen: Yes.

Gerald: I love you. I worship you. (gets down on his hands and knees.) I am not worthy of you but I love you. All I can give unto you is my love. Will you accept it?

Charles: Listen here, thief. I don’t appreciate what you did. You had no right to do it. You know nothing of what I’ve faced or known. No idea. You had no right. I am moving out. Please let your sister and brother and mother and father to know. I’m sure you can find some time. Please have all my stuff shipped to…. (Hands her a slip of paper) to that address. By the way, here’s the wallet back. I won’t need it. I will find someone to pick up my tab from now on. (He exits.)

Gerald: Now, where was I? Oh, yes, I love you and I want you to move in with me.

Karen: Where do you live?

Gerald: I live wioth my parents at…

Karen: You live with your parents?

Gerald: But you live with yours, my love!

Karen: Sorry. Not going to work. I don’t love you. Bye.

Gerald: But.

Karen: I’m done talking.

Gerald: Okay. But I will always love you. (He exits.)

Susan: Hello again, Karen.

Karen: Susan.

Susan: I continue to be busy. Can you believe it?

Karen: Well, what can you do?

Susan: Wonderful question. I cannot live here anymore. I shall leave. Will you be staying on?

Karen: Yes.

Susan: Very well. I was just in the ktiche. Both Mother and Father keeled over dead. If you have a moment call the police and I’m sure someone can be brought to pick them up.

Karen: Yes. Certainly.

Susan: I won’t be able to make the funeral I’m sure. As I am very busy. Should we ever have one?

Karen: I don’t see the point. I’m busy with love. Greggy’s busy with feeding the ducks. And you’re busy. So.

Susan: Okay. Sounds good. Well have my stuff sent to this address (Hands her a slip of paper.) Okay. I’m busy. Have a nice life. (She exits.)

Gregory: Feeding the ducks! The ducks were there. I got to feed them. I shall never return here. Have my possessions. Never mind. I need nothing. I have my ducks to feed. They waddle and quack and cackle and laugh and giggle and sing and…. It’s what I’ve always wanted. Goodbye. (He exits.)

Karen: (She looks around and smiles.) Most everyone finds what they need or want. I don’t but…. It’s okay. As long as I can find goodness for everyone…

Gerald: (Re-enters.) Listen, Karen, I shouldn’t have done as I did. But I cannot give you up. I love you as dumb and as strange as it sounds. I won’t be perfect but I will do my best for you. I love you and you need and want my love although you won’t…

Karen: Stop right there. Gerald, oif course I love you. I was merely playing games with you. (Kisess him.) Let us go. Let us run to your parents home. I need no possessions I have here. I have you. That’s enough.

Gerald: That’s so sappy but….. It’s true and I love it. Let us go.

Karen: To feed the ducks!

Gerald: To feed the ducks!

(They walk off hand-in-hand as the play ends.)