Was it a Dream?

A Stage Play by Forgotten and Loved

Lance: You seemed separate tonight.

Laura: What do you mean?

Lance: You were there but you weren’t. You know.

Laura: That’s vague enough for a few lifetimes.

Lance: You know what I mean. I’m not the best with words.

Laura: Well, we all have different talents.

Lance: What’s with this flippancy?

Laura: Oh, just let it go, okay? Some days are good. Some aren’t as good. This was a “not as good” kind of day. Simple. Over. Moving on.

Lance: Normally I’d agree but you’ve been like this for a while. A few weeks. Actually it stretches back several months.

Laura: Oh, so what? A little sad phase or spell. Maybe some depression. The common cold. No big deal. I’ll even go to the doctor’s and look into antidepressants tomorrow.

Lance: I feel I might know what this stems from.

Laura: Oh, that. No. I mean, I see how you would feel that way but that was a while ago.

Lance: You never mourned it properly.

Laura: Interesting. I was unaware that there was a proper and improper way to mourn and hurt.

Lance: Well, no, there isn’t but…

Laura: But you just couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie…

Lance: Listen I understand it’s been tough. It was tough on me too….

Laura: Tough on you, yes, I suppose…. But it means more to the woman I imagine

Lance: That is not a fair assumption

Laura: Fair? That’s a laugh. I can’t talk about this…

Lance: We have to talk about it eventually…

Laura: Yes but why now? It’s been six months.,

Lance: Seven

Laura: It doesn’t matter. We should have talked about it but we didn’t. it wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Lance: we could have went to a support group

Laura: hearing other people tell me their pain doesn’t make me feel a connection with them whatsoever. Does it help you?

Lance: it might. We’ve never given it a shot.

Laura: Listen, maybe one day but as it is… it doesn’t much matter. She’s gone. And there won’t be another. We have company coming. We might as well prepare.

Lance: I knew nothing about company. When did this happen? Who are they?

Laura: She’s a young woman I met at the party. She was standing over at the cheese table. She loves cheese. She’s also a connosieur of Chuck E. Cheese. I’m not kidding. She’s pretty but not glamorous.

Lance: There were many pretty yet not glamorous women at the party. Why her? Did you have some sort of amazing rapport when you spoke to her? What exactly transpired and prompted you to…

Laura: I don’t know. There was a freshness to her. I liked her voice. I know it sounds silly. She’s youthful. She’s petite. Can’t be much over five foot. Might be under it come to think of it. There was something endearing about her. I don’t come across endearing much.

Lance: Endearing? Is she also elfin and magical and delightful? What’s the point in all this? We don’t entertain anymore. We’re out of practice.

Laura: Lance, don’t be dramatic. We’re not old. We’re not even 30. We’re both hurting. Why not invite this young lady over and see what happens?

Lance: I just don’t see the point.

Laura: Why does there always have to be a point? We can always come up with something to talk about. If nothing else we can talk about what we lost. Haha.

Lance: I fail to see the humor.

Laura: You’re being an old stick in the mud. You’re not even 30 and yet you’re the most cynical man I know. She’s coming. Deal with it. Try to be pleasant.

Lance: I’ll retire to my room and you may entertain her by yourself.

Laura: Oh, you can’t. I told her you’d be doing some magic tricks and reciting some of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

Lance: Laura, why must you torment me so?

Laura: The void must be filled in some way. Might as well be in an amusing way for myself.

Lance: I haven’t hurt you.

Laura: No you’ve been too bloody kind, understanding and patient. You never hurt or accuse. You just stand there and care. I can’t bear such consideration. It lacks life and passion. Too passive for my tastes.

Lance: Yet you stay.

Laura: But, why not, I still love you. I just don’t like you much

Lance: How can you love someone you don’t respect

Laura: Oh, sweetheart, I respect and adore you plenty…. Just not in the way in which you want me to. Now, that’s a good boy. She doesn’t drink alcohol so fill a glass of water and bring it out here. Bring some cheese as well.

Lance: I love you, Laura.

Laura: And I you, Lance. Get the water and cheese. This will be a lovely night.

(Doorbell.)

Laura: (Answers the door.)

Alice: (Comes in, makes herself at home.) Hey. How are ya? (Belches.) Aight this is a sweet pad. How much did it cost?

Laura: Haven’t a clue. Lance bought it.

Alice: That’s tight. Who the f**k is Lance?

Laura: he’s my husband, my dear.

Alice: Oh yeah, I remember now. He’s the boring, stick up his a*s guy, right? Walks around always too aware of himself and others. I mean he appears aloof and clueless and that he doesn’t care but you can always tell slightly underneath he’s the biggest pansy a*s who’s ever lived?

Laura: That sounds like my Lance.

Alice: haha you love the p*****s, huh? How come?

Laura: Oh you settle for a lot in this life.

Alice: I know what you mean. Did you see they only had cheddar cheese tonight? Cheddar. I mean I ate 30 slices or so but it sucked. Where the Hell was the Colby Jack and the….. Muenster I guess! As you can tell I lied about being a connosieur of cheese, I say that s**t to mess with a******s.

Laura: How delightful. So you think I’m an a*****e?

Alice: Of course! I love a******s. They’re the best. They’re honest about they way they are even though they’re not aware of it. I imagine you’re really lonely and horny and hate your husband although you want him to be happy but since you can’t make him happy you takle it out on him by never respecting him in the way he wants it, ya know?

Laura: That does sound familiar.

Alice: Where is that pansy a*s anyway? I’m f*****g starving out here. (Yells to Lance) Hey, Lance Baby, don’t bring the f*****g cheese! Bring something good! What the f**k ya gotta, you flaming f*g?!

Lance: Ummm. Hello. You must be….

Alice: Where the f**k is my f*****g food?

Lance: Umm…. I mean….

Alice: Don’t stand there with your sticky dick between your legs, get me something good to eat. You got candy?

Lance: No.

Alice: Pizza

Lance: No

Alice: I’ll even settle for some ramen f*****g noodles

Lance: Well…

Alice: F**k, Lance, man up for a second and satisfy at least one lady in your life.

Lance: That wasn’t necessary

Alice: Listen, go get me some Chinese take-out. Why the f**k not? Here’s a 50, it’ll be done in 10 minutes. Always is. Ching Chong ching. Move it before I bust a cap in your a*s.

Lance: Umm…

Laura: Go, Lance. Jesus Christ.

Lance: Okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can. (He leaves.)

Alice: The f*****g idiot probably doesn’t realize I gave him a fake 50 dollar bill. It’s from a monopoly game.

Laura: (laughs) No I’m beginning to realize why I invited you over.

Alice: To f**k me?

Laura: Well, let’s not get into…

Alice: Come on, honey, the husband isn’t doing anything for you. You told me you two lost someone close and dear to you. That drives a huge wedge between two people. Happened to me before. I was dating this guy named Andrew and I started f*****g his best buddy Melvin: Let me tell you, big wedge which was funny since I ended up giving them both big wedgies. So, what do you say, doll, f**k time?

Laura: I… It’s not the…. Listen you’re pretty and you seem very…

Alice: You don’t want to talk about it and you want to justify doing it or not doing it but…. Come on, what’s stopping you? The worst that will happen is you’ll enjoy it. Nothing wrong with that. Better people than you have enjoyed it. Get your panties out of a twist and let me lay you on this table.

(Doorbell.)

Laura: Excuse me. I wasn’;t expecting anyone else.

Alice: It’s probably Oral.

Laura: oral?

Alice: My on-again, off-again boyfriend.

Laura: Oh.

Alice: Let him in. he’s harmless. Like your husband. Sort of.

Laura: Okay. But I can only take so much boredom.

(In walks Oral: Alice, I’m begging you! Come back to me baby! I need you. Inside of me tonight. You’re all I got. You’re my anchor. You’re my rock. Aww come on don’t make me beg like a little whiny b***h

Alice: I don’t know, Oral. You desire me a lot. Not much fun in that.

Oral: Okay I got it. You! What’s your name?

Laura: Me?

Oral: Is there anyoner else here? You’re it. Answer up or else

Laura: Ummm

Oral: Well, Umm, I like your face. Want to slip off for some………. Extracurricular activity…. Heh heh heh

Laura: Ummm….

Oral: Come on, baby, I’ll…. Lube and tighten the bolts….. Ummm….. Shift some gears….. Crank some crankshafts, mix some cement….. Stir some paint…. Lay some…… carpet and then…… I’ll….

Alice: Come on, dude. Come on. I’ll give you a mercy f**k tonight. Pity. I mean, this is hard to watch.

Lance: (Burts through the door.) No food for you! I grew a pair of balls and I will not buy you what you want!

Alice: Oral, rip his balls off and I’ll love you.

Oral: (Attacks Lance and…. Yeah.)

Lance: Ahhh! They’re gone!

Oral: Yep! I got em! (Throws them out the window.)

Alice: Strangely enough Lance you’re about the same. Now run along and get me that takeout.

Lance: I’ll kill myself!

Alice: Really? You don’t have the balls! Haha

Lance: I’ll kill you.

Alice: Again…. The balls….

Lance: I’ll…. I’ll

Alice: Buy me some Chinese food.

Lance: Buy you some Chinese food. (exits.)

Oral: So what did I do that for?

Alice: Amusement. You amused, Laura?

Laura: Meh.

Alice: Tough crowd.

Oral: You really love me, huh?

Alice: I told you what you wanted to hear. Give me a break.

Oral: So, Ummm.

Laura: My name is Laura. Not Ummm

Oral: You said…

Laura: I say a lot of things.

Oral: You think I’m sexy?

Laura: Alice, I’ll take you now

Alice: Too late

Laura: But…

Alice: That’s how the cookie crumbles, sweetie pie

Laura: So, Oral.

Oral: I don’t think so, Umm. Alice, you ready for me?

Alice: I think when Lance comes back, I’ll sleep with him. I feel sort of bad about the whole balls thing.

Laura: Both of you, get out.

Alice: Why? How come? Why are you shitting your diapers over this?

Laura: This isn’t what this was supposed to be.

Alice: What the f**k was this supposed to be?

Laura: I don’t know. Leave. I need to be alone.

Alice: But Lance will be back soon. You won’t be alone for long.

Laura: he’s not company.

Alice: Whatever. (Smacks Laura on her a*s.) Have a nice night sweetie pie.

Oral: (Smacks Laura on her a*s.) Yeah, Umm, tough break but ya know…. This s**t happens. Take care.

(They’re gone.)

Laura: I wanted to raise you to be big and strong. I wanted you to be everything I never was. But you never will be. I can’t take anything back. I can’t alter history of fate but I wish I could. I know these words mean nothing but I wish I could do more for you. I could have done more. But I failed. As I have with everything else in my life. I wanted to rock you to sleep and shower you with a million kisses but I never will. I wanted to keep you warm and safe and allow you to prosper but I can’t. It’s not fair but it is. It hurts so much. I have hurt your Father too and I don’t know why. I just don’t know. Right now I want to kill myself so much but I can’t do that either. It’s tempting and it would make more sense than anything else because I cannot love anymore, just look at what took place here tonight but…. I can’t die either. It’s so hard. I have heard things will one day get better but it’s hard to believe. Seven months of pain and recrimination and guilt and shame and total hurt. I shouldn’t have done it. There was no reason to. For all it’s worth I’m sorry. (She sits in silence until)

Lance enters: Here’s your Chinese food!

Laura: She’s gone.

Lance: That’s emasculating. And I’ve already been emasculated more than enough for one night.

Laura: Lance, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

Lance: That’s a start, Laura.

Laura: it’s over, huh?

Lance: Some things can’t be fixed or righted. You’ve went too far into yourself. I hope you find whatever it is you want but I can’t and won’t be a part of it.

Laura: Yeah.

Lance: I won’t be a part of this. I won’t apologize. You’ll live. It was ultimately your decision.

Laura: Yes.

Lance: But at least you’re apologizing now.

Laura: (Begins to cry.)

Lance: I’ve been there for you enough. Now you get to face the real hurt alone. (Leaves.)

Laura: (Continues to cry as….

(The play ends.)