Innocence Disguised

Helena: (Walks in the room. Inspects it. Sits down.)

 

John: (Enters. Sees Helena. Keeps walking.)

 

Helena: No hello?

 

John: Hello.

 

Helena: Do you have plans?

 

John: When?

 

Helena: Tonight, naturally.

 

John: No. Not in a manner of speaking. I was thinking of going upstairs and hanging myself. If that's alright by you.

 

Helena: That's fine but not until Hope leaves.

 

John: She's coming again?

 

Helena: I know. I was upset too. But she's our friend so we must humor her in her time of distress.

 

John: Yeah. I know. It's just so boring. How much longer do you think she's going to be in this time of distress?

 

Helena: Well, after her last breakup she came over six weeks in a row without cease, so you never know, do you?

 

John: Yeah. One never knows. What are we having for dinner?

 

Helena: I told Hope to pick something up since we need to amuse and distract her tonight.

 

John: Did you actually tell her that?

 

Helena: Not in so many words, no. But she will pick something up.

 

John: I hope she doesn't pick something up that sucks.

 

Helena: John, I just want to hear you say one positive thing. Comment on my beauty.

 

John: You said you wanted to hear something positive.

 

Helena: Oh, John. Come here. Sit with me. Sit.

 

(He sits.)

 

Helena: That's better, isn't it? If we have a girl what shall we name her?

 

John: We're not going to...

 

Helena: Treat me as if I'm Hope and humor me. Please. Pretty please.

 

John: Okay. Well I like the name Ophelia for a girl.

 

Helena: Yes. I see that going very well for her.

 

John: Well, your Majesty, what is your suggestion?

 

Helena: Never mind. Never mind. You've already made your mind up that we shall never have children. I want them. You don't. Nothing changes. Here I have went to all the trouble of decorating the nursery and buying the baby toys and a crib and a rattle and a bottle and years worth of diapers but you don't want a child because you feel this world is too dangerous a place.

 

John: I'm sorry but that is how I feel. I never wanted to be born

 

Helena: Has life truly been that awful for you, John? Really?

 

John: Irrelevant. Hope recently had a child and look what that's done to her

 

Helena: How in the name of Hell is that her fault, John?

 

John: Don't press me. Don't.

 

Helena: John, you're a strong man. An able man. A man I have loved and continue to love

 

John: Don't speak of love. Not tonight

 

Helena: What is the matter?

 

John: Nothing. It's nothing.

 

Helena: I can tell when something is the matter

 

John: Do you ever ask yourself is life is more a farce or a tragedy

 

Helena: What a silly question. Johnny, this is not a time to be silly or mopey or a silly willy little Nihilist, kk?

 

John: KK? What is this? An internet chatroom?

 

Helena: I am not enjoying your tone or your train of thought. I feel as if we will be blown up soon and then what?

 

John: I need to get out. I need to leave. I cannot abide having Hope in this home tonight

 

Helena: Why ever not? We've humored before. We'll humor again.

 

John: It's not genuine.

 

Helena: Your feeling of not wanting a baby is genuine. What good has that done for me?

 

John: It always comes back to your feelings.

 

Helena: Drop it. It's over. Next subject. Thank you.

 

John: When will she be here?

 

Helena: How am I to know? She arrives when she arrives. She gives me no specific details, we might as well wait... and wait..... and wait, okay? Do you have any pressing plans besides sneaking up to the nursery, staring around at it, and wondering what might have been?

 

John: I don't do such things. This is it. This is where we are. There is no room for compromise or what if's, okay? We must take the good with the bad and learn that sometimes

 

Helena: Please. Please. Continue to astound and exasperate me, Professor. What utter rot are you spouting here?

 

John: How are we to continue in this vein if you refuse to accept and respect

 

Helena: John, the noise is deafening. Please. It's done. We'll digress once again.

 

John: I'll be in my study. Let me know when Hope has arrived so I can...... Let me know when she's here.

 

Helena: Have fun. I know what you're really doing.

 

John: What are you insinuating?

 

Helena: To the study with you. Thank you. You have been a marvelous audience.

 

John: Helena, this world is not for everyone. This is a world where many come into it although they never should have. I don't want that to be the fate of our baby.

 

Helena: To the study.

 

John: One day you'll understand... and on that day you will

 

Helena: To the study!

 

John: (He sheepishly exists.)

 

Helena: (Grabs a photograph. Admires it and kisses it. Places it back where it was.She rises and paces, mumbling to herself. After a few moments of this indecisiveness the doorbell chimes. She immediately stops pacing and mumbling. She comes to full attention and bellows) It's open. Enter.

 

Hope: (Enters.) What am I to do, Helena? What am I to do? I called Bobby today. I told him I love him. I always will love him. He is the only thing that keeps me alive. Without him I would have thrown myself off a bridge long ago. He told me I was being hysterical. What am I to do? I am so full of pain and agony. Hold me. Hold me.

 

Helena: Where's the food?

 

Hope: I just can't do it anymore. Without Bobby, what's the point? What is the point? Therte's no one else out there for me. Not really. None of them will love me as he did. As he does. He just refuses to admit it to himself. I know. I know. He has had a rough past so he feels if he gets too close and opens up to me too much I'll hurt and leave him like all the rest have. Well, you know me, Helena, I don't hurt anyone. No, ma'am. I am the hurt-e, not the hurter! That's the correct usage, correct? I can never keep it straight. When you are floundering into an abyss as I am you never know! I swear if I sit I will die. I shall stand tonight. All night.

 

Helena: You didn't pick up the food?

 

Hope: I just don't know, Helena. It hurts. It's a whirlpool of despair. A whirlpool of despair, how did I come up with that? Maybe I could be a poet. Do you thionk I could be a poet? When I was 13 I had a poem I wrote published in an anthology. All the other kids were 7 or 8 but mine was still the best. In fact, (She produces the book from her pocket) I carry it with me wherever I go. It's a bit of a good luck charm for me.

 

Helena: Naturally. I haven't seen anyone have as good of luck as you since I read Ophelia's mad scene.

 

Hope: Yeah I know. Now do you want me to read this poem? It's really good. I mean, bear in mind I was 13 so I use bigger words now but still... this is really good. it pentrates a lot into the soul and heart, you know what I mean? Warning: It might make you cry and yel;l and scream and perhaps even slit your wrists and make passionate love which is fine, just don't make that passinoate love with me, I'm a lovelorn woman, I cannot accept being led on by my best friend tonight! Okay, okay, here it goes, (Begins to recite her poem) "We meet and we creep and we laugh and we pray a little prayer that slips oh so subtly off of our proverbial tongues of woe and ache. Our love and our lust have intertwined to become as one and one and a half, perhaps, even, what do you say, lover? Am I to be your one and only or will you throw me over for some w***e from babylon and f**k her as I weep and eventually fling myself off a bridge due to your licentious hornieness. i love you but what do you see when you look at me? a sparrow, a dove, a c**k? and if you do indeed see a c**k, what does that say about you? I must tell you, darling, I am not to be thrown about, but to be handled with care. Karma will ruin ya, baby" (She slips book back into her pocket.) Scene.

 

Helena: So, no food?

 

Hope: When I was in my twenties I wanted to be an actress.

 

Helena: You've told this story.

 

Hope: But my loneliness and heartache were too great to have a life on the stage or the screen so instead, what did I do?

 

Helena: Excuse me. I must tell John you're here. (She exits.)

 

Hope: (Doesn't phase her. She continues talking.) So what did I do? Well, I don't remember, because I took drugs the whole decade. I wanted to forget everything. I thought about suicide but it was too hard. I thought about becoming a nun but I still wanted to screw around and drink and w***e and do what I want plus religion is kind of primitive, you know? It's full of crap or at least what I consider to be crap. "Jesus loves me cuz the Bible tells me so" I mean, that's propaganda. I mean they accuse Hitler of brainwashing people but at least he didn't tell you to believe something cause some book told you to..... well, actually I guess that's exactly what he did with "Mein Kampf" but that's different...... (Actually thinks for a moment) Guess not actually, that's pretty stupid too, but even so, it ain't any worse than the Bible. Granted I have never actually read the Bible before, but I don't have to. It's not.... You know.... I mean they seem to think that for whatever reason we should like bow down to some guy because He was stupid enough to be crucified for us.Have you met people? Who would want to save them of all of their sins? Who are you trying to impress? I get called needy all the time but talk about taking one for the team, I mean, come on Jesus what were you.... and it's like.....

 

(John storms into the room.) John: Why have you not brought food?

 

Hope: Ummm, I was talking. When I am finished it shall be your turn, k?

 

John: I am hungry. Hope said you would be bringing food. You have not. What is the meaning of all this?

 

Hope: I was talking about Jesus.

 

John: Jesus could feed the 5 thousand, you can;'t even feed the 3 of us

 

Hope: You know there is no actual evidence that that feeding of the 5 thousand even

 

John: Don't say anymore. Hope. Hope.

 

Helena: (Re-enters) I wish we had a baby but we don't. Hope has a child. Who has your child anyway, Hope? You don't, correct? I sure hope not. Hahah funny I said I HOPE HOPE doesn't have her baby. What is baby's name, Hope?

 

Hope: You two are so rude tonight. What is the matter? I come to you in distress and despair and I am met with all of this animosity. There is no grace or understanding.

 

Helena: Grace! That's your baby's name, correct?

 

Hope: Oh, Bobby. I love you and miss you so much. Why won't he love me back? Why must all my loves be unrequited. I know this girl in my art class. Her name is..... well I'm not sure. She's beautiful. Totally gorgeous. If I were into that sort of thing I'd do Biblical things to her... anyway, her name is.... oh, right, I forgot, anyway, she was saying she has never had a man really ever truly loved her. A girl that pretty. No one has ever loved her. I'm not as pretty as she, so what are my chances? (Begins to throw herself on sofa as she remembers that sitting or lying will hurt and kill her) Oh, no, I mustn't allow myself to do that. I shall weep and cry standing upright., I will not allow my enemies to reduce me to such a subservient position.

 

Helena: Is Grace her name or not?

 

Hope: Stop. I want to talk about Bobby. My heart is broken. I was never able to be an actress and I had a poem published when I was 13. Let's focus on that instead.

 

Helena: Do you have any idea what happened to your baby?

 

Hope: What is important to remember at these times is the fact that somewhere in the unioverse there has to be some kind of love. I need love. I have never been the kind to really.... I really am not able to......

 

Helena: We don't have a baby, but we did. For a short time. Remember, John

 

John: Helena, no, this is not...... She is in distress and despair... and.... I don

 

Helena: There you go again. I. I. I. Everyone is always saying I. I don';t want this. I feel. I want this. I am in agreement. I am in disagreement. I feel. I know. I control. I am. I was. I do. I do not. I fight. I achieved. I succeedded. Does anyone think of anyone else? Maybe I don't either..... yep, right there, I said "I". Interesting, no? No it's not interesting. There';s nothing interesting about self-absorption. But, back to the subject at hand

 

Hope: If you two are just going to talk about yourselves I think

 

John: Where's the food?! Hope, all you had to do was bring the food. We have needs. We need to eat. Nourishment. Sustenance. Was it really that hard? Did it have to be? Does it have to be? No. It's easy. We invite you... No, you invite yourself over so we can share in your trivial distress so you can whine over some man who used you for sex and got you pregnant and..... I'll give you credit thius time you actually had the child. and who took care of that child? That child was born a month ago. Who took care of her? Do you recall? Who?

 

Hope: Guys, I don't feel....

 

Helena: Stay, Hope. Stay. You have not inquired about the baby. The baby named Grace. The man was more important than the child. Typical of you. Everyone must love you and your current man. No one must love anyone else. Okay. Fine. What happened to Grace?

 

Hope: (Produces book. Just about to recite when John grabs the book and shoves it down his pants.)

 

John: Come get it, soon enough I'll break up with you and you'll come over here so we can share in your distress over me. The c**k is not some sort of altar, darling, get over it.

 

Hope: What is....

 

Helena: What happened to Grace was not my decision. I wanted a baby. I was happy when the baby arrived. I knew you wouldn't want to be a Mother, it wasna';t baout you so why would you want to? Anyway, I always wanted a baby. This one didnt'

 

John: That is not...

 

Helena: Shut up.. I nursed Grace. Changed her., Fed her. Sang to her. Rocked her. She was my baby. The most beautiful baby that has ever been., Looked just like you, Hope, which.... with all your faults is a wonderful thing. You're absolutely beautiful until you begin talking. One night I returned late. John claimed he was taking care of baby Grace. He didn't want a child. Believed the world was too dangeorus but he was gonig to give it a try because he knew any human being much less a baby deserved the best and happiness and joy. So he watched her. I arrived home, late, I went up to check on her. She was gone. I rushed into our room, and woke him up and shouted, "Where is she? Where is she? Where is my baby? Where is she" He looked at me with sadness and fear and hurt and despair and.... and.... I knew.... I knew where she was....... I knew that...... that...

 

John: Helena.... it's...

 

Hope: You mean that.... that he.... that she....

 

Helena: Neither one of you care, of course. Sure you'll say as human beings you do. John you felt guilty as you shoul;d. People who do as you did...... the world is too dangerous so you..... you do..... you.... and you, Hope, sure you carried her for 9 months, she was the only one you kept, she came out of you.... so.... but.... she was mine! I alwatys wanted a baby, and after years of trying I was bestowed with this treasure andf then.... my husband.... my best friend..... and now you will weep and cry and it'll be about you. But this was mine. All mine. This sorrow. This despair and this nothingness is mine and no one else's I claim this although it shall never make anything.....

 

Hope: Can I visit her... when... all this...

 

Helena: Only he knows. He won't tell. I have my own way to commune. It's.....

 

Hope: John, how could...

 

John: Issues are presented and.... wars and in progess.,... and look aty you: the heartbreak, the loss....

 

Helena: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Anything and everythinf will be justigfied. Leave. Both of you. Leave. I must be alone

 

John and Hope simultanously: Helena, it's... it's a matter of... it's a degree of an undefinable

 

Helena: Leave. Leave. Leave.....

 

John and Hope look at one another, look back at Helena, realize sometimes things are better left alone, unsaid, undone, they leave, with their arms aroiund each other, no longer sure of what is true or real or proper or im,portant. They leave.)

 

Helena: Begins to sing.... Beautiful dreamer, wake unto thee............

 

(As the lights come down, her sobs are heard.... and........ curtain.)