Mary Sue

Please don't invite Mary to your story.

Mary is perfect. She's tall. Blonde. Her skin is flawless and snow white and she has eyes like pale blue orbs. And, ho boy, those double d's are something to write home about! She's beautiful, sexy, and exotic. She's tall, and her hips sway in a mesmerizing way with each step she takes.

Aside from her physical stunningness, she has a heart of gold (not literally, but let's not forget that she's rich too!). She donates to charity, cares about everyone she met, and goes to church every Sunday. She and the G-Man are tight.

Of course, she doesn't realize any of this. That's right, folks, our beloved Mary is humble. She knows she tries her best, and she likes to think she's a good person, but she doesn't realize how much of a literal embodiment of a goddess she is. She looks up to her family and friends, but she doesn't know they also look up to her.

Her modesty may come from her scar (that, obviously, in no way detracted from her physical beauty; if anything, it makes her look mysterious). It's a small, silver scar that runs from below her eye to her cheekbone. She got it when she saved a purebred Persian cat from a burning building on top of a mountain during an earthquake while it was raining while a mass murder/rapist chased her with a chainsaw, and she had to walk uphill both ways. Anyway, a beam fell on her head. It should have been fatal, but she got lucky; it didn't even mess up her hair.

No problem is an obstacle for her. She faces trials with a confident smile and a carefree demeanor. She could have any man she wanted (she even converted a few gays), and she found her perfect match: Gary Stue.

She is flawless. She is perfect. She is Mary Sue.

Author's Note

Mary Sue: A literary trope where a character is too perfect. The character may sound cool (and oh boy, wouldn't we like to meet her), but reading about a perfect character gets old in a hurry.

Reviews

[richieb]

Clifford,
The first part of your story makes a grown man cry because she may be real. The second part makes a grown man cry because she is not real!
Peace,
Richie b.

[Jacob Clifford]

Haha, love this review, richie! Thank you for stopping by.

[θεά]

Snarky but oh so lovely! Mary Sue in your words came to life, and heck, my attention span, which usually that of a squirrel's, didn't waver for a bit! Clifford, you need to get your ditties published. The world needs storytellers like you. Kudos.

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm flattered little Mary could be so entertaining. Truth be told, part of my absence from this site is due to me trying to get something published.

[θεά ]

For a bit I thought your absence was due to the stunner that Mary Sue is!
Please do get published! Best wishes.

[Alecia]

AWW!!! I just LOVE this!!!!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you, Alecia. Glad you enjoy it.

[Relic]

Appearances can be deceiving as they say. If only there were really a first-half of Mary Sue. :)

[Jacob Clifford]

There's certainly some truth to that statement. Thanks for stopping by, Relic.

[Autonomous]

Not going to lie, I write a Mary sue every now and then but truth be told perfection in one solitary individual makes it cringe worthy.

[Jacob Clifford]

It's alright to have good idealized traits in a character - it's encouraged, sometimes - but when it gets to the point that it is in this story, it can indeed be cringe worthy. Thanks for stopping by, Zwsed.

[Zoya]

The write is as perfect as Mary Sue herself! A phrase turned into a full fledged article, great job there. Truly enjoyed it!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, Zoe!

[Zoya]

No worries!

[barleygirl]

I love you for this! I can't tell you how much I barf when I read something with a character of perfection! It's my number one gripe of many stories. Your sarcasm is dripping here in the most delicious way. Every time I think you've just written the funniest tongue-in-cheek slop, you double your efforts in the next paragraph . . . culminating, of course, in the kitty rescue which begs something that far exceeds "over the top" as kudos! I love this. It is so much more fun than reading one of these over-wound-up rants by some grammar or poetry police! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm glad someone agrees with me about "perfect" characters, and I agree with you about not wanting to read wound-up rants. I would prefer a story over a page of angry text any day. Thanks for appreciating this story.

[wordman]

sounds like my kind of girl

[Jacob Clifford]

I think she's everyone's kind of girl! Thanks for reading, wordman.

[PaintedBirdy]

i liked this. hilarious. i wish i knew this Mary Sue ;)

[Jacob Clifford]

Thanks! I'm sure a lot of people would enjoy her company.

[.]

Hahaha. The embodiment of perfection this young lady!

To good to be true? Who knows! Such wonderful detailed description of all the perfect facets of this goddess like specimen. And i certainly had a chuckle over her cat saving heroics!

Perhaps underneath all of this perfection there lies a beast waiting patiently for just the right moment to unleash its hell on the Earth.

A very enjoyable write, Clifford. It does make one think of what sinister intent may lie beneath. Well Done.

[Jacob Clifford]

I like your thinking. It's true that people this perfect are often covering something. Your interpretation is more interesting than mine. This story is modeled after the literary trope "Mary Sue". A Mary Sue is a character who is unrealistically perfect and, as a result, not fun to read about. Although, maybe now I'll have to write about a "perfect" character who is actually a sociopath! Thanks as always for reading and reviewing, Doodley!