Jester on the Roof

Sitting on the roof, the jester watched the sun dip below the treeline. This sunset seemed metaphorical to him. As the day was ending, so was an era. The king was deathly ill, and his son lay buried, his mangled body still warm. The jester's lips twitched and a tear rolled down his face. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Nearly a minute passed, his strained gasps growing louder and louder before finally he threw his head back and let loose rapturous laughter. The sounds of his mirth echoed through the sleeping village. He wiped tears from his eyes, leaving behind a crimson smear.

Author's Note

I'm experimenting with flash fiction. Trying to tell a story in few words, letting the reader fill in the blanks. Let me know what you think. I welcome any feedback.

Awarded the "Freaking Amazing" award by Andronicus

Reviews

[Novel Minded_75]

Did you mean, 'mangled' instead of 'manged'?
Just an observation.
I have never wrote flash fiction before. The shortest story I have ever written was 5 pages.
My introduction prologue to my fantasy story could be considered 'flash fantasy' at only 3 pages, but I never even considered it.
Anyway, I enjoy your writing, Clifford, and thank you for gracing others with your work and showing them examples of how to write and keep people's attention.
Score does not reflect the work by any means. It's simply how much I rated it.
Keep them coming :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Until I joined this site, I had never written anything short, either. This is a great place to experiment with different styles and types of writing. And thanks for catching that typo.

The score doesn't bother me. All part of the feedback/improvement cycle. But if I may ask, was there anything in particular that you weren't fond of? Your philosophy of receiving feedback is the same as mine - the more honest and constructive, the better.

[Novel Minded_75]

No, nothing in particular, Clifford. Just a score of numbers.

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm sorry; I didn't word my response very well. I wasn't asking about the score. I was asking independently of the score if there was anything that seemed off to you. This piece isn't as good as I would like, so I'm open to suggestions. I always am, but especially here.

[Novel Minded_75]

I was caught off guard at first but the gasping that turned to rapturous laughter, but once I read it again, I understood. But as far as anything that seemed off to me, I cannot truly say. I have never taken any writing courses, so I'm not so credible in that regard. I think you captured what you needed to, my friend

[Carol Cashes]

I am a super fan of Flash Fiction and have tried my hand at it several times. Descriptions are excellent, but maybe more about why the jester would cry then laugh? Did he mangle the son? Did he poison the king? Am I too fog-headed from sitting around a hospital for two days? More likely the latter, Clifford. I liked the set up and again, your descriptive powers are excellent.

[.]

Aha! The demented laugh of a cunning killer!

Fitting though isn't it? Made to be a fool and the butt of all of the courts jokes for so long, this jester has reached his peak of patience. And what a last laugh he has!

Flash fiction.....that's a new term to me, but i see your point behind it. And i have to say it works brilliantly here. Short, sharp and crisp with a fantastic ending.

Brilliantly conceived, Clifford. Very well done!

[Jacob Clifford]

Yes! That is exactly what I was going for! The jester was ridiculed for so long until he couldn't take it any more. I'm thrilled you got all that. Thanks for reading.

[Stan Lee]

This! Now this is the best I've read lately by far. Absolutely. spot. on. Brilliant Clifford!! I read this as soon as you posted it but didnt get to reviewing til now. Needless to say, it's been swirling in my mind ever since you took me for a short but INTENSE ride. You super got me with that twist. And then you leave us with no doubt at the end with those last five words. Ohmygoodness I can't think of enough good things to say about this one Clifford. It's freaking amazing. I hereby award it the Freaking Amazing award. That twist! That everything!!!!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrghghghhgghgh!!!!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much! I'm thrilled that twist seemed fitting to you. After writing this story, I figured it would either be great or fall completely flat.