Jester on the Roof

Sitting on the roof, the jester watched the sun dip below the treeline. This sunset seemed metaphorical to him. As the day was ending, so was an era. The king was deathly ill, and his son lay buried, his mangled body still warm. The jester's lips twitched and a tear rolled down his face. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Nearly a minute passed, his strained gasps growing louder and louder before finally he threw his head back and let loose rapturous laughter. The sounds of his mirth echoed through the sleeping village. He wiped tears from his eyes, leaving behind a crimson smear.

Author's Note

I'm experimenting with flash fiction. Trying to tell a story in few words, letting the reader fill in the blanks. Let me know what you think. I welcome any feedback.

Awarded the "Freaking Amazing" award by Andronicus

Reviews

[Novel Minded_75]

Did you mean, 'mangled' instead of 'manged'?
Just an observation.
I have never wrote flash fiction before. The shortest story I have ever written was 5 pages.
My introduction prologue to my fantasy story could be considered 'flash fantasy' at only 3 pages, but I never even considered it.
Anyway, I enjoy your writing, Clifford, and thank you for gracing others with your work and showing them examples of how to write and keep people's attention.
Score does not reflect the work by any means. It's simply how much I rated it.
Keep them coming :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Until I joined this site, I had never written anything short, either. This is a great place to experiment with different styles and types of writing. And thanks for catching that typo.

The score doesn't bother me. All part of the feedback/improvement cycle. But if I may ask, was there anything in particular that you weren't fond of? Your philosophy of receiving feedback is the same as mine - the more honest and constructive, the better.

[Novel Minded_75]

No, nothing in particular, Clifford. Just a score of numbers.

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm sorry; I didn't word my response very well. I wasn't asking about the score. I was asking independently of the score if there was anything that seemed off to you. This piece isn't as good as I would like, so I'm open to suggestions. I always am, but especially here.

[Novel Minded_75]

I was caught off guard at first but the gasping that turned to rapturous laughter, but once I read it again, I understood. But as far as anything that seemed off to me, I cannot truly say. I have never taken any writing courses, so I'm not so credible in that regard. I think you captured what you needed to, my friend

[KCthelastboyscout]

Laughing through his tears.like rain falling when the sun is out.very intriguing story to write
Well done

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, KC. Thanks for stopping by.

[matrixmark]

An easy to read flash piece but yet it took me a little time to work it out. Once I did - Clever, very clever. I won't spoil it for other readers though. The clues are then and cryptically well done. As usual Clifford, I enjoyed your work. Please do write another one like this.

Mark.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you, Mark. I appreciate your time.

[matrixmark]

Thank you for thanking me. Time: I only wish there was more of it in the day to get more things done.

Mark.

[Jacob Clifford]

I hear you. Where does it all go?

[matrixmark]

Tell me about it!

Mark.

[Hannah]

I love how much is said by implications instead of by being directly stated. The jester's wickedness is very powerful when the full story is understood. The jester killed the king's son, but did the jester do anything to the king? Was the king poisoned, or was it just "fortunate" timing for the jester?

[Jacob Clifford]

Thanks, Hannah! This story is intentionally vague, and there's no "right" answer, but I had it in my head while writing this story that the jester poisoned the king, and then killed his son. Very good at coming up with that!

[Paul Bell]

The Jester, like the Clown, hide behind that mask.
But you never really know what goes on in that mind.
The laughter is really hiding a deathly deed.

[Jacob Clifford]

Very well stated, Paul. Thank you for your comment.

[Zoya]

Wicked! So much said in so less words. Very well done!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, Zoe. I appreciate it.

[Zoya]

No problem

[Hope]

Imagery you portrayed is so well and palpable in this story.
I think your attempt in flash fiction is really noteworthy.
Also a second reading helped me to feel the magnitude of emotions you portrayed through such few lines.
Great story!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much, Neetha. Glad you enjoyed.

[Great Aunt Astri]

I think this works very well. I think the ill king would be very happy with his jester sending mirth through the sleeping village, even though his son was dead. I like the similarity between the sunset, and the crimson smear. Well done.

[Jacob Clifford]

This story is pretty cryptic, but I was trying to imply that the jester was the one who killed the king's son. The crimson smear left behind by the jester's fingers was the blood of the prince. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. It's much appreciated.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Oh, it is so easy to misinterpret poems. I thought the crimson smear was the sunset reflecting on his face and taking away his sorrow. See what an innocent, clean-minded person I am? (she said with her fingers crossed to belie the fib). I now see the cryptic side of your poem. Yes, rather clever ... and I have written worse!!!

[richieb]

Clifford,
Excellent story using flash fiction. Your imagery and show of emotion carried your story. Even though the story presents questions of detail, you give enough info to let the reader understand the background. You are a natural at this genre.
Peace,
Richie b.

[Jacob Clifford]

Richie! It's great to see you. And thank you very much for your kind review.

[barleygirl]

THIS IS AWESOME! I was completely carried away as I read. At first I was very much entranced by your vivid & uninhibited imagery. Then I felt like laughing when gasping turned to mirth, nicely gradual transforming moment, & a second later I remembered this was the jester, so of course. It all makes perfect sense. Plus it's a great allegory with the lesson of turning sorrows into laughter. You packed so much into this, which is the point of such a short piece. It feels very complete.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much. I'm really surprised at the reception this piece is getting. I thought it might be too cryptic or just plain boring, but the readers seem to think otherwise. Always a pleasant surprise.

[Carol Cashes]

I didn't write that very well, but hospital coffee is designed to generate heartburn and blurry vision...I did get the story. I reread with and immediately saw that you created a piece of Flash Fiction that is firstly - waaaay less than 500 words, extremely hard to do. And you did it well. Write more Flash, you've already mastered it.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for your flattering review. I hope your surgery went well.

[Carol Cashes]

My husband underwent a five hour surgery on Friday: the surgeon put titanium rods and pins in his spine to stabilize and injected bone calcium cement mixture to fill a compression fracture. All of this to repair a botched surgery in 2013 performed by a VA surgeon. I stayed overnight Friday, went home for a few hours Saturday, came back until about 8 pm last night, then actually got a little sleep last night. I came back this morning and he's supposed to be discharged, but we'll see. Now we're just waiting for his orders to go home. I hope so...I'm tired and he's getting no sleep: both from the pain (surgeon told me it's one of the most painful surgeries to have) and the nurses popping in every 20 minutes to see if he needs anything. They should know by now that he definitely knows where the call button is! We'll be fine once he gets home, the dog will quit giving me that "Oh, it's just you" look when I come in the door and the cats will maybe start speaking to me again. Also, I'm starvin' and the cafeteria has shorter hours on the weekends.

[Jacob Clifford]

I know being in a hospital can be a stressful time. I've only been there an extended time as a patient, though. I'm sure there's a whole different level of stress for everyone else. My thoughts are with your family.