I like how this is a story, but it still has a rhyming scheme. It's interesting how in the first stanza, you know the kid slipped up, broke the glass, oops. Then in the second stanza, you start to get cautious and worried and you can feel the fear start to creep up on you. Then it sucked (not the poem, because I really like the poem). I didn't expect for it to be like that. I actually winced because I've felt the crack of a belt before and the immediate fear when you see it, then that lingering feeling afterword when you walk off feeling defeated.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much! That's exactly what I was going for: that creeping fear. That's a good point you .. read moreThank you so much! That's exactly what I was going for: that creeping fear. That's a good point you made about that feeling of defeat. I may have to make some modifications and incorporate that. Thanks for reading!
This is so grim and heart-breakingly pathetic. This is written with abject starkness and the writer is successful in leaving the reader in acute agony and distress of reading about the helplessness of the victims of domestic violence.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Ah, I've forgotten how bountiful your vocabulary is. It's good to see your writing again. Thanks for.. read moreAh, I've forgotten how bountiful your vocabulary is. It's good to see your writing again. Thanks for reading.
The poem is what it's supposed to be, and it's good at it. It is very powerful, though maybe you could play with the intensity. It feels like you are going full power since the beginning and it gets monotonous. Also, 'conjuring plans' seems irrelevant to me. I hope this makes sense. Thanks for sharing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks for leaving your thoughts. You have a good point about the monotonous intensity. "Conjuring p.. read moreThanks for leaving your thoughts. You have a good point about the monotonous intensity. "Conjuring plans" is supposed to be the father thinking of what he's about to do to his son, but that is a strange word choice, isn't it? I may have to take another look at this poem a bit later. Thank you.
It really is vivid that I almost feel sorry for the boy. However, reality is dark and although we try to turn away, the truth can't be avoided. This is a good poem with each lines rhyming, each stanza tells the very scene of terror, the pictures of every boy's worst nightmare. :)
I want to climb in and smack that father right in the chops! Very well written. Sadly this goes on all over the place behind closed doors, makes me so angry but you caught it just right and summed that momentof fear up in a simple yet lovely?? Manner..?not sure that is the right word considering the contents lol but im sure you get what im saying, well done :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Haha, yes, I get what you mean. I'm glad you like the poem. Thank you for reading.
I always like reading darker poetry as I feel like it has the most emotion. I really enjoyed reading this and thought it was written very well. I love how you included the wife and that you made her freeze knowing the husband was going to lash out on the son.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked that detail.
I like dark. Poetry is frequently a picture that makes you feel an aspect of life. You have done that here. And life is not always happy endings. It is the dark that disturbs us and we seek meaning for. I never got a belt, It was the spatula. And there is a dark side in all of us. I do not like conjuring plans in the second stanza, that is a personal opinion, maybe in your household it was different, but my experience with what you describe here is the action is more of a lash out of intolerance, not premeditated. Typo in last line think of should be off.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much for reading, Cyndy. I appreciate it and the comments you've made.
Thank you, my Cafe family, for all that you have done for me. This has been a wonderful period of my life. If any of you ever want to reach me, feel free to send me an email at [email protected]... more..