Thankful (2015)
With everything, all the pain, all the anger, all the sleepless nights, it's easy to forget just how lucky I am. It's too easy. Too easy to dwell on things. I can't count the number of afternoons I've spent doing nothing but hiding away in the dark corners of my mind and listing all the reasons why my life sucks. I don't ever try to start; it just happens. My mind wanders and takes breaks in all the wrong places. It hunkers down for the night next to my partial deafness. It calls up the nerve pain in my chest and talks for hours. It writes letters to the joint stiffness in my right hand and is sure to consult the dictionary before each word is written.
But this isn't one of those times. This time, for once, I want to reflect on all the good things. This isn't all that easy to do, so I'll start off easy and try to slowly branch off. First of all, there is my family, of course. Without them, I would be nothing. Both literally and figuratively. Without my parents, and their parents, and their parents and so forth, I wouldn't even exist. But even more, I wouldn't be a shadow of the person I am today without the support and love my family gives me. I can still remember the day I first told my mother I was starting to write a novel. Seventh grade, twelve years old. I was nervous and made the statement almost jokingly, so that if she said it was a stupid idea I could easily back out. But she didn't, thank the lord. She has been encouraging since day one, with more than just writing, and I couldn't be happier about it. Writing, not just with novels but in all forms, has been one of the best things in my life. It lets me escape from bad memories, meet new friends (again, both literally and figuratively), and just straight up have fun. And my writing is going stronger than ever. My novel is slowly being completed. I've recently found a new form of expression in poetry. And I can create quick, fun worlds by writing short stories.
I am thankful for my loving sister. We have never had the model sibling relationship, but we don't need to. We've been then when we were needed, and neither one of us could have survived through childhood without the other's support. And now that we're both starting to get our lives in order, I can't believe that it's all over--we aren't kids anymore. But that's okay. Nothing has to change. We can still be there when times get tough. And our family is soon to expand. Her baby is coming in a matter of months. The children are having kids of their own. As I write this, it is hours before her birthday. Truly, I don't know how I would have managed without you. I am so happy that you've found love. Life has so many doors, and you can choose to open any one you want. I love you, sis.
I'm at the point in my life where I have to open some doors, myself. My school days are rapidly coming to an end, and it's terrifying. But I'll be okay. I just have to stick to what I believe and tough it out.
Speaking of school, it's so easy to look back on it and think Ugh, thank god that's over, but there is plenty to be grateful for within school, too. I met my first friends in school. I had a chance to learn who I am. I even had a chance to show off at times. Naturally, it wasn't all good. But that's okay. I have faced challenge and learned to overcome it. I should really be thanking all those problems and people for making me a stronger person. Caleb, you cheeky windbag you. Your insults don't bother me anymore. I can think for myself. All of you teachers, you taught me discipline and work ethic. And yes, even you, Miss Peterson. You who made me cry. You who broke my heart into a thousand pieces.
College is an exhilarating and scary experience. It shaped and refined me in ways I never expected. This time is where my writing really started to form. I may be a bit antisocial by nature, but I've found a way to be productive with my time. And I've finally found what I want to do with myself until my time on this earth runs out. Writing has allowed me to meet people, to touch people with my words, to learn about myself.
In my short time on this website, I've made a number of great friends. I've never been one for online friends, but you all have changed my mind on that matter. Thank you for accepting me into your midst.
And thank you, reader. Maybe I know you. Maybe I don't. I don't care. Thank you. Thank you for just being you. It may not seem like it sometimes, but you're beautiful. People care about you. The world would be a different place without you. You have talents. I know you can make a difference in the world. And I know just as much as everyone how easy it is to forget, but you have things to be grateful for. Find those things, and focus your efforts on them. Life's too short to stress the bad things. Meet people. Make mistakes. Learn something new. Just have some fun along the way.
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