Why did you do it?

what do you do when you do something that has a terrible outcome?

 

What happened to you?

When did you begin to fall apart?

This couldn't have been out of the blue

Was it because I broke your heart?

 

I just wanted some space

I didn't mean to cause heartache

Falling out of love wasn't the case

I just needed a breather for God sakes!!

 

You agreed to this as well!

All this time that went by...

Now you're putting me through hell

Leaving me here to cry

 

Why didn't you fight for me?

Why didn't you tell me to stay?

You let it all be,

You let me go away

 

And the letter, oh that letter

You left it right on your bed

"I hope your life gets better"

That's all it said

 

Where did you get that gun?

I didn't want this goodbye

I didn't want it to be done

Please, just tell me...why?

Reviews

[Shadows of Sight]

Oh, this brings tears to my eyes. Such powerfully tragic emotions run strong in the veins of this work. Hard it is when people do such selfish things like this, leaving behind unanswered questions and incomplete lives.
You captured this sad moment very well. I hope that time will bring new life into you, to help fill this painful void.
Hugs! :)

[Carl]

This peice is an amazing peice. the ending of a relationship is never easy and it is made far worse by the tragic out come you describe here. The opening stanza can be taken one of two ways. Either the two charcters in this peice can be talking and she can be saying to him "Whats happened to you in the time we have been apart. Maybe he looks desheviled and unkept. or the other way stanza one can be taken is that the girl is reflecting on the tragic sadness of the event long after the relationship had run its course. That shows to me a diversity in your writing that is both rare and refreshing.
It would appear from stanza two that the woman in the relationship was feeling "Boxed in" maybe he saw him every night maybe they worked together maybe he texted her all the time maybe he had to know what she was doing 24/7 maybe he was controlling maybe he wasn't the man she thought he was. There is a lamented line in stanza two where she says "Falling out of love wasn't the case" it was to me as though she was saying How many times do i have to tell you i didn't mean to fall out of love with you it just happened.
But there is a angry end to this stanza "i just wanted a breather for God's Sakes. with that line our woman snaps.But she dosen't only break the relationship in two she breaks his heart in the process as well. I loved the emotion in this stanza almost as tho she is tired of fighting but she summons just enough energy to deliver the best line of the peice.
Stanza three is almost a dispearing look at the facts. " you agreed to this as well" its seems like that they have both talked and agreed to a seperation. and she has come to terms with the situation the man in this poem has not. he could be bombarding her with messages. late night calls and things of a not very nice nature. i liked the dispair and the twist in stanza three. To me this shows a depth to the peice and that you have really thought this whole poem through, hope it not personal to you but that is how its come across to be. maybe you had to write this for a closure or a cleansing. apologies if i am wrong.
Stanza four is agin an angry stanza "why didn't you fight for me " dosent this realtionship mean anything to you. you can't just let it die, but it would appear that he didn't want to fight for you infact he didn't want to fight at all anymore. And because he loved you he had to let you go. this stanza is sets up the last two stanzas perfectly. just a tragic hint at the nd of this one. You let it all be. you let me go away. I liked the way this stanza evolved where anger at the beginning is replaced by tears at the end " you let me go away"
In Stanza five we get to know that something tragic has happened. That note. I hope you life gets better.
alomost an apologetic sentiment sorry for the pain i caused you. you normally find that suicides will speak of the world being a better place if they wearn't here. How they have some how upset the balance. you also find it in people who who self harm. that they carry so much pain with in they have no form of release so they cut.(apologies for being graphic but this peice is an amzazing write and im being honest because tha is what this peice demands) also you some times find the best poetry requires the least amount of words.
Stanza six lots of questions unanswerd. the most pressing is Why. There is a song by Cademons Call called Centre Asile and its about a guy called derek webb who friend committed suicide and he went to the funreral. and he wrote the song about that, and one of the lines says "What crimes have you comitted that demanded such pennace. What causes a man to take his own life. i don't think we will ever know.

An amazingly emotional peice and i commend your bravery in writing on a subject that could not have been easy. Thank you for writing this
I tip my hat in your direction
Kudos
carl

[pal]

another wonderful poem.
lovely one, indeed.
pal

[Celtic Cat]

OUCH OUCH OUCH. Oh how I hope this is purely fiction. I could've been in the same place as the narrator myself, but luckily, we're far too stubborn to let each other go. This was written so exquisitely that not only does it awaken the mind and senses, it pierces the heart so thoroughly...that I'm wondering where I got MY gun. Excellent piece. I'm getting goose-bumps now. Sending up prayers....just in case.

[Gary H]

Great piece. This works and reads so well. The gun part comes across as a complete surprise turning a despairing write into a tragic outcome. Guess the picture gives the poem away but I truthfully didn't look until after I had finished reading.

[H. A. M.]

I couldn't help but think about the person that's so clingy you just have to have some space.
The suicide is sad but hard for me to feel. Only because I'm thinking of some unbalanced person.
Then I'm wondering how long the two knew each other.
I see why the character has all these questions because it's so all of a sudden like.
A painful experience none the less.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

hopefully this is not from your own life??? but i do know that these things happen... especially when we're young and foolish, and delicate... and on the edge anyway. crazy how things can even make ourselves feel like going over the edge. but it's always scary to wonder whether our actions towrads someone could push THEM

"Why didn't you fight for me?

Why didn't you tell me to stay?

You let it all be,

You let me go away"

this verse really hit me. i have wondered this before...

[Forest Green]

Man...this was excellently written. Desparate tones in each line...with the final being a cap as impressive as the round in question....you are good at this, Claudia.

True skill at work.

Daniel

[Brenda Sue]

This pulls at my heartstrings. A death is always sad but a suicide is so much more. You have done a wonderfully job writing about something that scare most of us. Wonderfully penned.

[Amanda]

a very sad story indeed...suicide is never the answer to anything and nothing is that important that it warrants this final ending. well written and powerful. good work, claudia!

Love ya,

Mandy

[forfila]

Oh hun, so sad. It always makes me sad a little to hear you write like this. Though it was very well done :)