Diary of a Broken Girl: Day 34

We begin our journey once more

Kat was at her last day or work. She told Buck that she was quitting the day before so he can have her last paycheck ready; he tried to talk her out of it but she made up her mind. After Mark left that morning after they slept together, she knew she couldn’t stay.

Mark is such a great guy, but she wasn’t ready for what he was offering. She flashed back to yesterday and what he told her that morning.

“Well I work all day today, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned in and kissed her. He then started kissing her neck and nibbling her ear. “I’ll make you happy, I promise.”

Kat gave a fake giggle and hugged him goodbye. As he walked away she couldn’t help but feel scared.

She snapped out of it when a customer asked for more water, she went over and poured them another glass.

If I stay he’ll pressure me to be with him, but I’m not ready…I’m just not.

Kat finally got off of work; she brought an extra change of clothes so she can turn her uniform in and leave with her paycheck. She planned to drive by Mark’s work and tell him goodbye; she wanted to make it short so it’d be easy, but these things never are no matter how hard you try, she should know from experience.

Once she reached her room she quickly grabbed her bags, turned in her key and loaded her Mustang. As she was going to get in the driver seat, a pair of hands touched her shoulders, she turned around startled.

“Whoa sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Mark said.

“No its fine. I was just coming to see you.”

“Oh yea, what for?” He looked in the back seat and saw her bags, a look of confusion came upon her face. “Are you leaving somewhere?”

“Um…well you see…I was…Oh God there’s no easy way to say this.”

“Say what?” Mark had some sort of idea what was coming, but he was praying that he was wrong.

“Mark…I’m leaving…right now.”

“What?!...I don’t…Why?”

“I just need to leave, its hard to explain.”

“Can you at least try. I mean a few weeks ago you said that you loved it here an that you were looking for an apartment. I mean, what changed?”

Kat found it hard to explain why she was leaving and the heartache in his voice didn’t help much.

Mark was so confused, he just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and yell that she’s crazy to leave him.

“Mark…I’m not ready for all this. I’m not ready for you.”

The hurt in his eyes was excruciating to her. As she went in to hug him, he stepped back.

“Please try to understand. I haven’t completely dealt with the past four years, I’m not ready to start a new life. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to marry me Kat. I’m just asking you to give me a chance. Stop looking at what you’ve lost and start looking at what you can gain. Please stay, stay with me.”

He looked at her with pleading eyes, but she just couldn’t stay, she knew she couldn’t.

“I’m sorry.” She quickly turned around and got in her car before he can say anything else. She started the car and pulled out. As she drove off, she looked in the rearview mirror for one last glance at him. She imprinted his image in her head, his shaggy hair, gray t-shirt, his stained jeans, his eyes, his scent, and the way his hands felt on her body. A single tear fell down her cheek; she wiped it away and focused on the road.

Mark stood there hoping that she’ll realize it’s a mistake to leave and she’ll do a U turn and come back. After a few minutes when he saw she wasn’t coming back, he took a deep breath and went back to work.

It was already night and Kat was about 100 miles away from Silvertown. She pulled into some cheap motel and checked in. she took a look around as she entered the room. The wallpaper was peeling, the carpet had stains on it, the bathroom sink was rusty and the TV had only one good channel. She sat on the bed and pulled out a sandwich she made before she left.

Back to square one.

She finished her sandwich and lifted her feet onto the bed and rested her back on the headboard. She reached into her bag and took out the only comfort she’s come to known. Writing in that notebook had helped her stay sane and kept her from doing harm to herself. It’s the little things that save us from ourselves after all.

Dear Journal,

I left Silvertown…I left him. The look on his face when I told him I was leaving tore me up inside, but I wasn’t ready…I’m not ready and I don’t know if I ever will be. Mark deserves someone better, he doesn’t need to be with a person who has doubts. Guys like him don’t stay on the market long, he’ll find someone he can truly be happy with, I just know it. As for me…well I’m on the road again without a destination; but I found my something once and hopefully another something will come my way again. I started my journey without hope, but I’m starting it again full of it.

Reviews

[Amor-de-angel]

Your descriptions are so good.
Sad that she had to leave but I will be interested to see where she goes from here.
Great story

[Jenny Davis]

Geez, I hope she goes back to Silvertown, she is being foolish! Good chapter :)