Diary of a Broken Girl: Day 32

She lets her fear get in the way of her happiness

It’s been 5 days and Mark has really gotten close to Kat. They spend countless hours talking about any and everything. They always find time to be with each other before or after work and sometimes meet for lunch or dinner.

He's been getting a little flirty with Kat every now and then, dropping hints that he’s interested in her, but she keeps pulling away. He’s been trying to break through the walls she’s put up, everyday he gets a little closer to her heart but every time he tries to talk about her past she closes up. Her fears keep her from getting close to him and he can’t leave her alone, there’s just something about her he can’t get enough of. He thinks about her constantly and couldn’t stop even if he tried. He wants to help her get over whatever happened to her, only then can they be happy together.

He was meeting her for breakfast at 9:30 since they both go in at 11 am and she won’t be out until 10 pm, she’s working another double shift. They met at Daisy’s Café, Mark ordered bacon and eggs and Kat had pancakes.  He kept staring at her as she ate, neglecting his own food. He couldn’t help but think how cute she looked in her uniform.

“Aren’t you hungry?” she asked as she was about to take another bit of her pancakes.

“Why did you leave home?”

Kat stopped eating and looked at him, completely taken aback by his bluntness, “What?”

“Why did you leave home?” Mark asked again.

“I told you I don’t like talking about it.”

“Why? Why don’t’ you want to talk about it? What happen to you Kat?!”

Kat wiped her mouth, threw her napkin on her plate and stormed out of the Café. Mark quickly paid their check and ran after her.

“Kat! Kat wait!” He finally caught up to her, grabbed her arms and turned her to face him. As he looked at her, he saw that she was angry but on the brink of tears. “I’m not asking you to tell me everything, just give me something. What happened?”

Images of the past 4 years came flooding back and all the old wounds opened up again. She took a deep breath and looked at Mark. When he saw her crying, it nearly broke his heart.

“Kat…what happened?”

There was a short pause and she said, “Life happened.” Without saying another word, she walked off toward work. Mark was left standing there confused.

It was now 10 pm and he’s been waiting outside of Buck’s Diner for the past 2 hours in his truck. All day he’s been working on his apology to Kat. It was wrong for him to push such a sensitive topic, but who can blame him, she’s been keeping so many secrets, it makes him feel like she can’t trust him. He finally saw her leave the diner and practically jumped out of his truck.

“KAT! HEY KAT!!” He started running up to her.

When Kat saw it was him, she rolled her eyes and kept walking. She didn’t understand why this guy is so fixated with her. Plus she was still upset about how insensitive he was this morning and she didn’t feel like being interrogated again.

Mark ran up beside her and walked with her. For awhile Kat was ignoring him and Mark was trying to figure out how to start off his apology; he decided to just jump in to it.

“Kat look, I’m sorry about this morning.” He looked at her for some sort of acknowledgement, but she gave him none. “C’mon don’t be this way, talk to me.”

She stopped abruptly and looked at him sternly. “What do you want from me?!”

“I want you to trust me…I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.”

“Why do you care? You don’t even know me!”

“And whose fault is that?” He was finally fed up with her stubbornness, she sensed his frustration and continued walking; Mark wasn’t far behind. “Okay, if you don’t want to tell me then I’ll just guess.” She continued ignoring him. “Did you rob a bank? Did you kill someone? Oh I know, you were sleeping with a mob boss, cheated on him and now you’re on the run from him and his gang. C’mon Kat, am I getting hot or cold here?” They finally reached her hotel room and he went and stood in between her and the door. “Why won’t you tell me what happened? What’s the big secret?!”

“Fine!! You want to know so badly about my past then I’ll tell you! Where should I start?! Oh how about I tell you when my parents died and how I had to drop out of college and give up my dream on becoming a writer to pay their bills along with my own. NO, WAIT, I GOT A BETTER ONE! Let me tell you how I fell in love with this guy whom I thought was going to change my life. How he moved me from California to Nebraska telling me that we’ll start a life together there and even got me a job at the place he works at. Then how he dumped me for someone else leaving me with absolutely nothing, no home, no money and no job!!” Tears started forming in her eyes and she broke down. “Then I can tell you how lost and alone I felt, how I drove for two weeks knowing that I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. So there Mark, now you know. Are you happy now?”

He could not have felt worse; he didn’t know what to say or do to get her to stop crying. He went in to hug her but she was resisting.

“Don’t touch me! GET AWAY!!”

He finally wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.  She buried her head in his chest and cried uncontrollably in his arms. He led her into the room and sat her on the bed, he then went into the restroom, grabbed the toilet paper and handed it to her. He sat down next to and an awkward silence fell over them; it lasted an excruciating 5 minutes. Mark then moved and knelt in front of her, Kat couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“Hey, look at me.” He said softly.

She hesitated a little, but finally looked at him with a tear stained face.

“I’m not your old boyfriend. I can make you happy.”

“What are you talking…?”

 Mark didn’t let her finish, he just went and kissed her ever so passionately. He began gently laying her down on the bed and started kissing her neck. Kat wanted to stop it but the way he was handling her was too much; she sank into a blissful world. It wasn’t long until clothing was being removed and they were both enjoying sweet ecstasy. He was being very gently with her, moving slowly and kissing her softly. Its been so long since she’s had such a tender moment, especially with a guy like Mark. She was letting out low moans with every thrust and loved hearing his heavy breathing in her ear.

Once they both climaxed, Mark gave her another passionate kiss, looked her in the eyes and said, “I love you.”

Kat was surprised by the remark, but couldn’t bring herself to say it back. Instead, she just smiled, gave him a kiss, and held him in her arms.

It was 3:30 am when Kat woke up, she had her head on Mark’s chest and his arms were wrapped around her. She quietly and carefully unwrapped his arms and climbed out of bed. She grabbed a robe from the bathroom, put it on and made her way to the table and took out her notebook.

Dear Journal,

Mark and I slept together tonight, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. He knows about everything now, about Vincent and my parents, everything. I thought that if I shared this with someone that I’d feel better, but I don’t. I could’ve sworn that I saw pity in his eyes and that’s why he slept with me. He said that he loves me and I don’t believe him, how can he? We don’t even know each other that well. I can’t go through this again, my heart can’t take it, and I won’t survive. I’m sorry Mark!! I’m so sorry.

 

Reviews

[Jenny Davis]

Uh oh...I hope she doesn't push him away, he is an awesome guy...I really liked this, great job once again :)

[Autumn Dawn Gorny]

Wow Mark finally broke the wall hopefully she can get the fear of rejection out of her head.