My Little Haiku 2 and 3

Haikus i just finished. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Tiny Little Leaf
Changing Colors In The Wind
Fall Has Now Begun

 

 

******************************************

 

 

Protects Me From Harm
Wings Fluttering In The Wind
Angels Are With Me.

Reviews

[John Stussy]

Well I'm no expert with haikus, but from a poetic standpoint, these are both really good. I like the second one a lot. Sometimes I need to remind myself I'm not alone, that angels are with me, protecting me. I will probably memorize those three lines to tell myself when I need it. :) Thanks.

[Adamdust]

(it amazes me that some people cannot find this constructive, alas, can't please 'em all.)

You know me, Claudia. The first one strikes me immediately, the second one i don't care for.

the first is haiku-ish, the second is too poetic for haiku.

Again, because you adhered to that 5-7-5 rule (that by now, i'm sure everyone does to vex me -- i'm kidding,no one gives a s**t about what i think), you forced yourself to throw in words that didn;t need to be there, that weighed down a perfectly good haiku moment.

As if a season's start could be pin-pointed so accurately! i'd have settled for "fall is here" or "autumn at last" but then again, we don;t need to even say that because line two already tells us that it is fall by virtue of showing us the changing color of the leaf.

and haiku shuns redundancies, mostly because we only have so much space to convey a simple moment, why say the same thing twice if it isnt contextually relevant? Somethings in nature are repetitive, liek the waxing and waning of a tide and therefore i'd say "sure, let's put that in there twice"

beach lovers kissing -
the tide rolls in and rolls out
rolls in and rolls out

that's a necessary repetition.
What i like about your haiku is the attention given tot he leaf, that an entire season is contained in one leaf, tiny little leaf. this is good. you may consider in the future to open it up a little by giving us a specific leaf,

Sugar maple leaf
suddenly so orange -
suddenly autumn

i don;t like the second one because it isn;t haiku, i mean just because something is 5-7-5 doens't make it haiku, i bet my fingers on it.
if haiku is based on perceptual moments, the concrete world of thingness, then what in god's name is an angel? i know you and i know what the ideas are, the concepts and the art, but these are not things that can't be tangible in the world and therefore don't fit into haiku very well. Justice, love, hate, length, -ness -- these things are concepts without physical actuality. unlike other poems, haiku doens't mask things with fancy and pretty words, you know that. It reveals things with very few, very sparse succinct and detail oriented words, that shun too many adjectives and verbs, but loves loves loves nouns of specificity.

right on. it's beena long time since i reviewed you, or heard from you. things are going ok these days. talk to you soon.

[Jenny Davis]

Very nice haikus, I particularly loved the last one, so sweet and spiritual, very nice :)

[Crazy Cat Man]

I love these 2 haikus :D very cute I love fall.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

This is why I love haikus, great work, love the second pic. mimi :O)

[Alex]

Thank you for this soft and beautiful poem ,it soothed my aching heart :)

[Whisperer]

I don't understand haikus much. But I am assuming that being concise and precise is a prerequisite. And you've done very well. The images you've added complement this piece well too.

[Susan M. Fenn]

I love haiku's, I don't have much success writing them. But, I admire those that can, with so few words, get such a wonderful range of emotions across.