The Snake inside of me, the Fallen Angel.

The Snake inside of me, the Fallen Angel

Somewhere in time...
There was a shape shifter
Not for feelings,
--But Attention...

Not for materials
Nothing with sense
Not even reason,
--But Boredom...

Scared to be alone.
At night I was..
Some fallen Angel
At daylight I was..
Just another Snake.
--The Man.

I was lurking, both shapes
From one victim, to another
From soul to soul
Body to body

Just to feel good
And so greedy I was
Painless, for sure.
Without a sparkle,
Nor feelings...

With every bite I had
More venin came after
More Lies, lies...
So many lies.
And senseless life

There more I had..
Much more were lost
Every day was boring
Every one was boring
--Taking shapes

More people hurting
More venin gained.
Until the day, that day.
The snake got bitten by...
--Another Snake

With all that venin
Through my veins
Shape shifting, I think
Wasn't working, anymore

Nothing, was the same
Seem the same, nothing
Nothing, felt the same
In fact, I felt..

That was the day, I felt it
Fallen tho, the pain was growing
I was getting smaller and smaller,
Every day, hungry.

Day by day, more hungry
Then ever, in pain.
Hurting, lonely.
I was feeling them

No more souls to haunt,
To hurt, at last.
To feed my snake,
Dying inside, inside of me

The snake was struggling
Between life and death, itself.
Surprisingly with my wings, growing.
Once the snake died, they were...

My wings were growing back, At last.
So beautiful, more beautiful then ever
My lust for love,
Made them grow again...

Even tho my lust for attention
Was getting weaker...
And weaker, so weaker
That I lost my appetite for that

For now, vanished, at least.
And when I grew,
To be mature enough
I saw my wings,

In the mirror one day
Thinking, what a mess
What a mess I left behind
For this, to happen.

What a mess of souls,
A graveyard full, of wings
And a ton of Angels dead
Greedy b*****d, the snake

Kept going and going
Painless, living a shameless life
Pity to me, pitying myself
At least, I don't deserve it

I don't deserve anything from others
At least, again
I can look in the mirror
The shame is there,

The quilt is there
And the pain I feel,
It's there too.
It's Me, the SnaKe.

Within an Angel.
Still Me, Shape shifter.
the Fallen Angel...
The Angel face,
With an Evil mind.

It's Me, no other.
No other living,
Could do such things...
Nor death itself,

Could do those things...
It's Me, the Angel
The Angel you don't know.
The Angel you never seen

About you never heard of
Under the skin of that Angel
Was living a snake, pity to me.
That snake still haunts me

From time to time
Like present...
When time is infinite,
I will endure my pain
Still, he lives thrum my dreams

Haunting, he's still there.
Speechless I was,
For the first time,
In a long time.
Careless I wasn't.

Now trying, to repair...
Trying, not to despair...
That my job, will be in vain
Like that would, not be fair

For all those Sins
My sins, as Angel
My sins, as snake..
So many, many more

The beast inside of me.
I sinned, painless
Now I will endure,
My path full of spins

Because I deserve it, all.
All that will come, bad
Good is still unknown,
I haven't had a feeling

Yet, but still, my fault,
My bad, it's all.
Yet again, somewhere in time
This time, my Angel wings..

My sparkling Angel Wings
So beautiful, but full of pain
I wasn't able to fly yet,
Still, after so many years

I haven't recovered,
Still, my fault.
Doing my job, healing others
Helping others, every day

I was helping myself
Thinking, that one day
Maybe one day, I will become
I will reborn,

As an actual Angel.
But time goes by...
And that day,
This day, it came

The day I met another Angel,
After a long, so long time
After so many years
All these years pitying myself

One day I met an Angel
A real angel, my angel
It was like today,
When I met that Angel

My wings were shivering
At the first glimpse of beauty
Such a beauty, like never seen
Like never seen before,

Oh no, the Snake
The snake in me,
That snake, willing to reborn
Willing to kill again

To kill my Angel
I was so hungry,
But hungry for love,
Not just Attention.

I missed that, so much
So much, I missed
A touch, A kiss
And others more...

So there I go,
Pitying myself...
Whether to kill the snake
Whether to let it, live again

Almost giving birth
Rebirth of that evil Beast.
My twin brother,
Within the same body.

In that second I stopped
Shocked, was thinking
Why? why ? why me?
Now that I found...

I found an real Angel
Some Angel, made me feel...
Made me, feel again,
At last, after years...

So many years, in pain, but.
I had to kill, again.
To kill... but,
Not some other Soul

I sinned, again, but..
I saved an Angel, killing a beast.
Killing my own and self soul.
The beast, that beast inside.

To be free, again.
To feel, again.
But time gone by...
My Angel, that beautiful Angel.

My Angel had to fly,
And wasn't coming by...
That Angel, such beauty
That Angel, left me...
Hanging, in pain.

More like dying... indeed.
But, I felt again.
I felt, love and Pain...
At the same time.

This time, at least.
I know, I think
I know, I didn't hurt no one.
No one but... me.

Thinking, I saved a Soul.
Another Soul to be on my list.
On my list, in that graveyard.
Still feeling, now...

Feeling a bunch
Nor good, nor happy
Nor joy, in my life.
Still, feeling lonely.

But Feeling, something
That something,
That makes me go forward
At last. ---Present.

After going backwards
So many years
So much time,
Time gone by, lost.

So not being me,
So not a beast.
Here I am, finally.
Finally, True...

Loving a shadow
Your Shadow...
An Angel's shadow
In peace with myself.

Able to look in a mirror
And liking what I see.
Here I am, At last,
Some Angel.

At least... for now.
Still loving you,
Loving you, my shadow.
The shadow of an Angel.
Hoping you will fly by, again.
So help me God.


---
The story of an Angel face with an Evil mind.
Whom is still sorry for hurting You, and you...
And many others, just like you, My Angel.
Farewell, My beautiful Angel.

The story of my life, to be continued... some other time, in time.
The original can be found here claudelgfx.blogspot.com

Just another Lost Soul.

Author's Note

excuse my weirdorientalanguage.

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[Desideria]

I left on purpose to comment last this wonderful poem. I left it for the moment my inspiration would come back, and it eventually came. In every snake there is an angel... remember that the first demon to exist was an angel that dedicated himself to pleasure and lust, but not love. This angel was the most beautiful, Lucifer, the light itself. Even if he became a demon, inside his heart the angel exists. That's way Evil is never more powerful than Good. In spite of destroying many souls and bringing unhappiness, Evil is never permanent. And sometimes, a fallen angel is found by a wonderful soul that helps him to rise and fly again. Even if the wonderful soul remains hurt on Earth looking nostalgic to the sparkling angel reaching the sky, the angel is safe. There are not only guardian angels, but also angel saviors, capable of sacrificing themselves in order to bring happiness and relief. And they might appear from nowhere, making the shadows of love disappear and raising the sun of another love. There is no permanent shift: any demon can become an angel back, it only depends on him and sometimes on luck. Moreover, the snake is the symbol of temptation, of the time that always comes back. The snake bites his tail and forms a circle, the circle of eternal shifting and eternal desire. It also loses its skin once a year, as it is capable of regeneration. So, don't be afraid of the snake, inside it there will be an angel forever, who just waits to be awaken but a saving soul. Hope, just hope the savior soul will come...