You and Coffee

Poem comparing and contrasting a girl to coffee. Why I need Coffee

Coffee black as sin,

Your pure white skin.

Bitter waves roll over my tongue

But I still taste the ghost

Of your saccharine kisses.

The dark aroma of coffee

Wafts through the air.

Your fragrance still lingers on me

From the night before.

The only similarities

Between you and my black drink

Is the heat I feel from both of you.

The coffee almost scalds

My mouth with its steamy heat.

But my memories of you set me on fire

And immolates me completely.

I need black coffee like I need you,

But I need black coffee because of you.

You steal the late hours of my night,

But even the early morning belongs to you.

You’re in my thoughts and in my bed

And I daydream of you over coffee until my boss

yells at me to get back to work and that

If I this keeps up I’ll get fired.

I think I’ll pour myself another cup.

Author's Note

Please help me make this good. Let me know if you have any suggestions or new directions i should take this. Presented this to my class and my teacher didn't like it.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

I don't think you necessarily need to do anything more to make this poem "good". It's already fairly interesting and gets the message across. You have some good comparisons and you give a memory of what the narrator and lover I'm no poetry expert, so I don't have a whole ton to suggest for you. It seems alright to me.

[anne elizabeth]

Clever correlation and comparison. I think the last bit would read more emphatically if you:
removed the two 'but's at the beginning of the lines and transition directly from "bed" to pouring another cup. I think mentioning work and boss kind of...well...puts ice in the coffee. Solid piece, thanks for sharing.