Chapter 3: Long Distance Relationships

A type of relationship that has been booming with popularity since before the internet was created; but is now easier to manage. Tips on how to find a good match and Tricks to avoid scams.

Are you ready for a Long Distance Relationship?
Is a Long Distance Relationship, right for you?
Let's find it...

So, just as a background story I am going to get a little personal with you.
I met my husband through an online site, Mysapce.
So, is it possible to find someone online and have a successful relationship with them? Yes.
But, it was a painstaking trail of mistake and error until him.

Jump to back when I was 13. I just got my first computer in my room. I'm on the internet, looking around and I can't hearing about this new site- Myspace. Everyone who was anyone, was on this. So, I made my account. I remember being on there for maybe a weeks time when I ran across a anime character profile. I thought that was pretty cool, being that I, am into anime. So, I messaged the person, just saying "Hey, I love that character too". I was then thrown into the world of Role Play. I wasn't the reading type, I wasn't the writing type and when starting off, I was a one liner, I didn't know the ropes and it was a hot mess but after time, I made some new friends. I wasn't hugely social in school- I had problems at home and this was a PERFECT outlet. My parents didn't have to worry about me going out and doing drugs, I was never home late, but I was always locked up in my room- on that computer.

A few weeks past, I'm online in my role play world and I'm talking to my group of people. We are in a hot spring, playing around. When, I get a "private message" from one of my friends, Josh, we start talking and next thing I know, I'm involved in role play sex. Was this my first time with this? No, but that is a story for another time. So, anyways, were talking, having role play sex, and our characters hook up. THEN curiosity hits and you wonder, who is on the other side of that screen talking to me? Could he be a SHE? Could it be an old man? Who are they? So, then we exchange personal information and what goes from the computer is suddenly me on the phone for hours talking to them. Trading pictures, emails, etc. Now, it's personal. The idea comes to mind, "Hey, we know each other really well- We talk all the time, we are having role play sex- why not- date?". Originally, I was not looking for this, I had a bunch of guys in my area who wanted me and if I wanted to have sex or something- I could have, easily. But, I felt I could understand a person better like this. Our characters get married, in real life we are talking about the future, we are having a great time.

So, skip to four months, everything is going great, we are talking at all times of the day and suddenly I wake up one morning and I can't get a hold of him. Nothing, no email replies, he isn't picking up his phone and when I tried his home number I was basically told that he wasn't available. His role play account- I can't contact it, he blocked me. I'm sitting there shocked and upset- I try to think- did I do something? Is this my fault? Nothing. No answers. I'm torn. But- I get over it in time and swear off Long Distance Relationships....

Skip to a year- I've got a lot of people wrapped around my finger, I'm just having fun, I'm not looking for anything serious of life changing when suddenly I meet this girl, Foxxy, She says she is around my age, looks good in real life, blah blah blah but doesn't have a a picture of her self. At one point, she talks about some medical problems she has but is doing good. Again, I wasn't looking for anything- but after talking and getting to know one another it was hard not to feel a connection. It didn't help that we got intimate a few times through private messaging and emails. I keep asking for a number, maybe a picture, just so I can feel closer to her. Then one night- I get a number, and I'm shaking, I want to call but I'm so nervous- I'm so excited. I work up the courage and I call. Her "brother" picks up, and I ask for her. He says that she isn't available but starts asking me who I am and how I know his "sister". I explained and we start talking for a while. Finally- after what seems like an hour he says that she is sleeping and to call back in the morning. I agree and hang up the phone... twenty minutes later my phone goes off.

It's her number, I pick up- thinking, "It's her!!! I get to talk to her!" And it's her brother again but this time- he isn't happy, he is crying. I ask whats wrong- if everything is okay.. and then he tells me, "My sister pasted away two weeks ago- I've been on her account talking to you, pretending to be her so you wouldn't be upset but I just can't keep up the act any longer.". I'm shocked. I'm upset. And I start yelling. I'm young, I don't know any better. I hang up the phone and I'm crying. Again, I'm destroyed. Shortly after that call, I call up a friend and tell him what happened. He, right away said that it didn't sound right. That something about all that just seemed a little too fishy.  And after I calmed down, I had to agree. So, I call the "brother" back and start hounding him. Turns out- there was never a sister.... It was just him role playing a "girl" online and he wasn't looking for anything serious- just someone to mess around with. I'm friends with him now, and lets just say I'll NEVER forget how we met.

Skip Skip Skip, I'm in and out of little relationships, just small things, nothing to really talk about. Back when I first started out in role playing- there were two guys that approached me. Josh and Scott The one I accepted, was the guy who blocked me and ignored me after four months into the relationship as a way of breaking up with me. The second guy, Scott- came back around- and we started talking. Our characters were friends and it was nice. But- later, we ended up exchanging numbers and started talking on the phone. A relationship began in role play and in real life. And this one lasted for about- 8/9 months. We were always on the phone, exchanging pictures- even on the webcam here and there. He even sent me some stuff through the mail. I talked to his mom, there was talk about me going there during the summer. So, I knew it was really him. But, I fucked up. I'm not going to lie, to this day, I'm sure he still hates me. I put so much drama into his life and my only excuse I can use is, I was young and stupid, I'm sorry to this day. The emotions I feel for him, are still with me to this day. But, I think it might more of a "possession" type feeling at this point. The break up was bad... Really bad. I tried to kill myself two times, I couldn't sleep in my bed for two weeks and because we slept with the phone on next to us, I'd wake up in a panic and check my phone to see if he was there only to realize- he wasn't.

Depressing. And I was young, so I was stupidly acting out. Sleeping with his role play friends, anything and everything I could do to make him see me- I did it. But- after time, I moved on. And again, I swore off LDR... I tried dating in my area again- that didn't go well. I got too bored with it.

So, I'm online one day, I'm in high school around this time- I get an private email from a friend who tells me, "Hey, I think this profile might belong to a Role Play Legend", and I'm like, "Wha-" And I message the guy, Craig. We start talking through private messaging then webcam and shortly afterwords I'm head over heels. Why? He voice, was so deep- and he'd talk to me through webcam- so, there felt like a connection had happened quicker.  He was older- by I believe 5 years and we are talking but nothing sexual was happening. He had a rule, no sex with anyone under his age by five years so- on my- I want to say 16th birthday, we engaged in role play sex. But- he didn't want a relationship. Which sorta pissed me off but we had a dislike for my ex's ex girlfriend, so I didn't push to hard. But- I started to feel more and more used as time went on. It was like, "Dude, I'm on webcam for you every day- I'm showing you things I'm not showing to others and I'm doing EVERYTHING you ask- What more do you want for me?". Well, again, I was young, I was looking for attention. Things at home were- not good. I just wanted someone to love me again. So, like a lost puppy I stuck around. Getting more and more frustrated. A one point, I tell the guy, "I'm done, I'm so over this, if you don't want a relationship with me, then you get nothing..." That lasted for about four hours until I caved and apologized and he makes me feel like the biggest s**t in the world...

In the mist of all that- While I was in a role play relationship with my main character, she met this guy, my future husband. She/I was upset that the guy who my character was in a relationship with, was basically never on and she was ranting to him about it. He gave her/me some advice and after a while a friendship was made. We started talking more and more. Then, I gave him my number. I enjoyed talking to him online and thought I'd enjoy talking to him on the phone and I was right. He was funny, sweet, and his biggest concern was me. I felt- really special. And the more I talked to him the less and less I thought about the guy who was just using me for his sexual needs. One day, I'm sitting outside, I'm locked out- and I get a call. It's from Mr. Knows-It-All-Craig, I answer, we talk but I'm noticing, I don't care- those "butterflies" were gone. And I let him know that- and that is the last time we talk.

My future husband is sending me stuff in the mail, we are talking on the phone, on webcam- we have our bumps here and there but we make it work. And at 17, I knew who I was going to be spending the rest of my life with. 18, he comes down to Texas from Florida, picks me up and takes me back to Florida with him! Now, I'm 23, living together happily married, and a mom!

As you can see- this was not gained over night- I had to learn and there wasn't anyone to help or gain knowledge off of. So, here are a few questions to ask yourself.

1. Are you ready for a LDR?
- Like any relationship it's not going to be an easy walk in the park. There are going to be problems, trust issues, arguments, etc. But if you stay strong, it can all be worth it. The goal in mind is to one day meet up and spend your life together.

2. Are you crazy jealous?
- LDR's may not be for you... Heaven forbid you can't get a hold of them and you start to freak out, wondering if they are okay. Only to find out that they were busy doing something and that was the reason they couldn't pick up the phone.

3. Do you have the time to be in a LDR?
- You are going to have to put time in that is basically like a second job. Not just for you but for them. If you aren't the talkative type, LDR might not be the right type of relationship for you. Because, a LDR breaths off communication. 

4. Do you really know the person?
- If you are going to do this, you need to make sure you really know the other person. Life story- all of it. Because inviting them back to your place of even heading over there could be your last. Or heaven forbid everything they told you turns out to be a lie.

5. What are their future plans?
- Don't be a dumby. If they are talking about collage life- and how they have some huge ideas in mind, ask yourself, "where do you fit in to all that?" because down the road, it's only going to get harder. And if you are able to pull out in the beginning, why not? If you don't think you can handle it, don't bother.

What do you need to have a successful LDR?

Webcam - http://www.walmart.com/ip/V7-Vantage-Webcam-300-with-Built-In-Microphone/16419432
Mic - http://www.walmart.com/ip/V7-Stereo-Headset-Black/20434683
Programs - http://www.skype.com/en/
Land Line - I'd suggest a cheap land line.
And of course, BE YOURSELF!

How to know if you are being scammed

1. They don't want to share any pictures with you OR They only have one picture of them and don't upload anymore.
2. They are SUPER good looking but refuse to get on webcam with you OR Keep making excuses to why they can't get on Webcam with you.
3. They keep changing their story OR There is ALWAYS something wrong with them.

NEVER SEND THEM MONEY.
NEVER ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVES UNTIL YOU CAN CONFIRM THEY ARE OF CONSENT AGE.