The bathroom

A sad one.

I hear your sobs from the bathroom 
And I hope it’s not what I think 
Pray I misunderstood 
Hope and hope so deep

We open the door 
And there you lie 
Lost in some fog 
Then I realize
From the look in your eyes
And the colors I glimpse 
It’s all over the tiles 
And it covers the sink

The scene freezes in silence 
Images flashing slow 
We try to grasp in an instant 
How it began to flow
Searching for the tool you used 
That would lead to the breach 
Searching for the weapon you chose 
To finally... sleep

And I wonder...

“Is this it?” 

“Is this the day 
Our life will collapse?” 

“Is today the day that 
All my fears come true?”

Will there be no other laugh 
In our lives forever stained 
Will there be no innocence 
Left from what was shed 
Is this the date cross-marked 
In our memories forever 
Is this the day so black 
Where our dreams shatter?

As I hear the sirens fade 
I’m left in silence, petrified 
In shock staring at my hands 
Voiceless and horrified 

So unbearable 
That it dissociates me 
So unshakable 
That it suffocates me 

Breathing the thick air 
Painfully into my lungs 
As I wash blood off my hands 
And clean the bathtub

There were no tears that night 
Just a blinding pain 
As sharp as the knife 
You pressed to your veins

Oh mother… 

What have you
Done? 

You have left me 
Forever 
Terrified
For things 
To come

Couldn’t you spare us 
I was just a child 
In this bathroom who would comfort 
The little girl I was? 
Couldn’t you handle 
The anger and the tears 
Preserve your children 
From their worst fears?

You’ve shattered our lives 
From your own weakness 
And filled our eyes 
With... endless darkness 
Broken our hopes 
For any peaceful day 
An anguish for tomorrows 
That will never melt away

Author's Note

Picture from Francesca Woodman.

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Oh my god Claire...

that just tore at my heart. That was so vividly written I felt like I was there for a moment... what a horrific experience that would be for a young innocent child to bear... my heart sooo goes out to you if this comes from a true experience...

Thanks for writing and sharing this. Many people can take some kind of solace in the fact that they are not alone with such a tragedy in their lives.

Blessings to you dear friend.
Antonio xx

[Dream Weaver]

Truly a testament to this rarely
spoken subject. Sadly and hard
to say how a terrible affliction
can be so beautifully put...

[HappyAccident]

I love the imagery I can feel your sadness in every word you've written.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad poem. I lost two brothers to suicide and everyday I think of them 22 years later. The poem told a very sad and heart braking story. Nothing can clean the mind of a death that no-one will ever understand. A powerful poem.
Coyote

[bob, small b. aka invs]

how terribly sad. this shows so well that suicide is not so much as solution as it is a legacy. it affects so many so deeply and it's something that stays with the survivors forever. nicely written.