I Will Wait

My first love poem, written in honor of my friend's quest for true love. :) May you never waver~

I feel the wind wander for hair, at loss-

Your fine light hair- to ruffle and toss,

Months on end, searching in vain

The wind alone, can feel my pain.

I hear your voice sing, in each summer song,

Each debut lasts, all season, night-long.

Notes hang in air, rumble of drums,

And now the end- swiftly it comes.

I see your chin quirk in every small smile,

Count them quick, now, and number those miles,

Hard to recall, harder to forget, my angel-

The miles between us laugh from their safe cradle.

Winter approaching- come to me now,

Or I'll wander forever like Egypt's last Mau,

I miss your face, your eyes, your hair,

I drop to my knees to say one last prayer.

But remember this pain, this quest for truth,

We all come unfinished, a little uncouth,

I'll have problems in packages, tied up with string,

We'll need to open and solve and then we can fling.

I believe in my faith- this religion for you,

I hope to our gods that you stay true,

I know that you'll come for me- from far or from near,

I open my eyes to any form you may take,

And close my heart to this love of fear.

Author's Note

The third stanza is a bit awkward.... Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Annie N.]

hey babe, great write :) the 3rd stanza is perfect in all its flawlessness... if you're determined to fix it though, maybe take another look at that last line in stanza 3? i would leave it as is! beautiful work you've got here on the cafe, thanks for sharing

[Arya Le Dasmones]

thanks sistah, you're not half bad yourself ;) And I am looking at the third stanza, but maybe it's one of those things you need time to polish~

[G!o]

First i love how it is musical and how it flows so easily....really gently written even if it is that you were writing from someone else's feeling. I somehow find it easy to bond with this because i was planning to write about a love that i know exists but i haven't encountered it yet and it's like you've written my thoughts. As for me i find the third stanza just fine, it is in form with the rest of the poem. Really written well Arya. Lovely.

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thank you!!!! It means a lot to me to be able to discern my own feelings clearly, and to hear that about that bond puts me on fire. I hope I get to read one of your love poems sometime soon :)

[G!o]

Lol thanks but i really don't like writing about love...it's somehow the rarest and strangest feeling i get acquainted with. I used to write once bout love but i somehow lost my touch with it and even if i do write about it...it usually isn't as sweet as this you've penned here. But you can check in my writing "my pe-n-otes love" and "risk worth it"...they are about love

[Eddie Gao]

Hey, lahhhhve it!!! Yeah, the final line of stanza 5, maybe cut an 'and' out. Also, 'fling' doesn't really go with the whole idea of the poem...it gives the wrong connotations. Other than these things, this is truly top-notch poetry! I don't think the 3rd stanza has any problems whatsoever. Nice title, by the way!

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thanks :):) Hm... I see your point- it was supposed to have that double meaning, though fling is not the aspect of romance I was going for :P Tanks youz for the comment!!!!

[SaRuGi]

personally i dont think its awkward :) and i LOVE it! and how u put in the rhymes so causally~~ :)

[SaRuGi]

AND thank you!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Thank you!!!! I appreciate that you think so :')

[SaRuGi]

^_^ you're a wonderful writer!! :D:D

[Arya Le Dasmones]

[Arya Le Dasmones]

Something is wrong with this... my comments on your comments are not commentating at all... AHHHH...

[SaRuGi]

haha what were u gonna write　;D

[Arya Le Dasmones]

"as are you" - insert three above.

[SaRuGi]

oh..~ not as good as you :P (no arguing)

[Arya Le Dasmones]

we are not going over this again.... D: not AGAINNNN.... AHHHHHHHHHH

[SaRuGi]

hahahaha ;D