on broadbeach

we slid past the sand hills
falling into dark flats
laughing
off balance





she asked if we could walk the shoreline to coolie or all
the way to europe





i dreamed her a sailboat freedom
under remains of bright stars



there were near deaths and i soften
like warm pockets of saltwater
to describe
the waiting
of
yourself
in slow
return






stretchings of despair
galaxy collision
our lifetimes are metamorphic







in these moments
we dare
to
hum
beauty







and sleep
on moonlit kingdom
to be one
with
thunder
wind
and
dust

Reviews

[Neville]

The words just seem to melt and flow so easily
I am envious of your pen. N

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"i dreamed her a sailboat freedom"

this just a bit reminds me of emily dickinson...her "no frigate like a book"

traveling through books, traveling through the mind...giving another freedome..."laughing off balance " with another...

such phrasing...this took me to a moonlit kingdom.

[Steven]

'laughing
off balance'

ingenious.. I know it, that feeling. So awkward. I'm buzzed, and just realized all of the cryptic keys on my laptop that I try to avoid--I have no idea what they do. F6?? 'End'???? It's the haunted woods of my keyboard. I stay away. But I'm buzzing and keep hitting them and expect an explosion or something. Nothing happens. But maybe i'm doing unseen damage, like internal bleeding. Forgive my rambling, haha

[Circe]

that's funny :)

[caesarkreshen]

oh oh oh... I would rethink "off balance." Usually stuff like that works, but it caught my eyes. Otherwise, good.

Sometimes I see words in your writing that turn out to not be there.

[Circe]

weird! me too!

[Leica]

lovely capture of those beautiful moments..
really like this stanza:
"in these moments
we dare
to
hum
beauty"

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You know how to captivate a mind and take it on a journey, this one was to a romantic paradise.

[Paula]

Those last eight lines are so elemental, they resonate strongly. The detail given adds a charming provincial feel and personal reference, but then the poem opens up universally.
It's well written.