Teneramente and Recitativo

A portion from the first chapter in my book

Teneramente’s eyes dazzled as her siblings danced and sang to the tune of their heart. With every word and step, pure white light expelled outward forming shapes and objects that reflected their very feelings. Some performed in large groups, with one in the center singing and manipulating the energy while the others danced in unison around them.

A loud and beautiful voice drew Tenera’s attention. A child reaching the apex of her song. On her last note, a great, gleaming spire formed before her group. It shined bright with purity with lines that appeared to race to the top, and curvature that exclaimed perfection. The song had ended, yet the spire continued to hum the song of its creator. It would do so for eternity. The singer cheered with glee as the dancers around embraced her. Tenera noticed that all of the nearby siblings had halted their activities as well, to marvel at the beautiful work one of their own had completed.

A great presence gazed upon them as the Light itself took notice of the spire. Its gaze was so warm and welcoming that Teneramente couldn’t help but to exclaim her joy. “BEAUTIFUL…” It whispered, echoing through the plains of the realm. Its words were met with a unified cheer that echoed just as loud.

Amidst the groups of artists, Tenera spotted a sibling off to the side, singing alone to his own dance. “Recitativo!” Tenera called out, but he was too focused to hear. Tenera worked her way through the groups and called out again once she was closer. This time, he halted, turned, and greeted her with a warm smile. She ran up to him embracing him tightly, and he reciprocated in kind. “Look at it..” he said, looking over her shoulder. Tenera turned and gazed again at the spire, groups were now performing around it. Both admired the sight for a moment longer, then looked at each other and smiled again. “Perhaps.” Recita began. “We will one day make such a creation.”

Teneramente chuckled and joined her hand with his as they walked through the gardens of the realm, taking in its infinite beauty. “Nothing, even half as magnificent, has ever been completed by soloists.” Tenera stated. A moment of silence passed as Recitativo pondered the comment. Tenera noticed him gaze curiously at the Light in the distance. The Light was always there, ever present, shining its light and glory for all to see. Sharing its great power to all of Its children so that It may marvel at their creations. It was an entity of pure love and joy, and Tenera’s heart welled up at every sight of it. At every word it spoke. At every creation it provided.

Tenera recognized a sparkle in Recita’s eyes. It was the same sparkle that appeared when he dreamed. She couldn’t help but smile as she pondered what grand thoughts were racing through his mind. He was so ambitious and motivated, and he expected so much out of himself. That’s what made him unique in her eyes. They were both soloists, but he was a dreamer. He didn’t want to be just another child in the group. He wanted to be more. He wanted to be greater. And Teneramente couldn’t help but be attracted to it. He was her favorite to perform with.

Recitativo broke his gaze from the Light back to Tenera, the sparkle still burning in his eyes. “One day,” he said. “I’ll pour my very soul into something so great, the Light itself will be speechless. A creation the realm will never forget.” Tenera brought herself in front of Recita and cusped his hand in both of hers. “And I want nothing more than to be there when that day comes.” She said. Recita smiled greatly at her reassuring words, and Tenera noticed the sparkle begin to fade as his dreams began to calm.

“But!” Tenera exclaimed, bringing his attention back to the present. “I believe we have our own garden to work on.” Tenera released Recita to turn and look at their garden. Of course, everyone in the realm was welcome. This garden, however, had become an area all soloists regularly convened. Alone, soloists couldn’t create towering spires or great, breathtaking visuals. But every flower and tree told a story, which contributed to the garden. And the garden, indeed, was breathtaking. Tenera spotted the first place her and Recitative had made their mark, and she gingerly made her way over to it. A clutch of violet daisies stood waist high, as if no time had passed from the moment of their creation. She knelt down and let them cover her in their beauty. Tenera felt Recita place a hand on her shoulder, enjoying her happiness. “Shall we?” he asked. Excitement filled Teneramente as she placed her hand on top of his and brushed the tips of her fingers over the blooms. A second late, Teneramente and Recitativo were whisked away from reality to watch their past play before them. Together, they observed a younger version of themselves standing where they were now…..

 

“Teneramente what shall we make?!” Recitativo energetically exclaimed, that spark ever present in his eyes. “I got it!” he said, turning to look at Tenera. “A rushing river that spans the entire garden! No, wait!” He paused, letting an even greater idea take root. “A mountain that can be seen from a great distance!” Teneramente took a step back and giggled nervously. Recitativo’s energy was exciting, but also a little intimidating. Realizing this, Recita digressed and laughed, his face blushing in embarrassment. “Wha…What about you Tenera? What did you have in mind?”

Tenera’s eyes grew wide and a great smile played out on her face. “Well. I’ve always wanted my own garden!” Tenera cheerfully replied. “Maybe some flowers!”  Recita smiled and nodded, but Tenera could tell it didn’t satisfy the spark in his eyes. “Flowers are a great sight.” He replied, turning to gaze into the distance. “But why start so small when we can start something great right now?” He asked.

Tenera looked at Recita curiously, and wondered what great ideas were racing through his mind. Tenera stepped in front of Recita’s gaze and joined her hands with is. She smiled warmly at him until she noticed the spark begin to calm. “I think,” she said, breaking the silence. “A vast river would fit perfectly here.” Recitativo’s face lit up, happy that she approved of his idea. “But right now,” she continued, gazing into his eyes, “would you like to make some flowers with me?” she asked, eagerly waiting his response.

Recita’s face calmed into a warm smile, as he softly tightened his hold on her hands. A look of determination took form as he looked over Tenera’s head, back into the distance. “Let us create the most beautiful flowers this realm has ever seen.”

Teneramente cheered and embraced him tightly. Recitativo stood for a second, shocked at her sudden excitement. Then, he happily returned the embrace.

Author's Note

Show no remorse :)
I want to hear every problem you find.

This portion is meant to be an important part of the first chapter. Partially Defining the setting, introducing two of the main characters, and defining their relationship.

If you don't get a good grasp on those three topics, then I've failed somewhere.

Obviously I'd thoroughly appreciate any suggestions

Reviews

[Winterspell]

Veery nice. I found a grand total of... *drum roll* Two errors. One was [“Perhaps.” Recita began.] instead of ["Perhaps," Recita began] and I'm not sure if a full stop works or if it's a comma at the end or what. And the other one was at the very start -- here I am being extremely knit-picky -- was when someone said "BEAUTIFUL..." they're meant to have a new line.
Okay I have left my inner grammar freak loose. But apart from those two minor errors this is pretty good... will there be any more? Plleeeaasseee? *puppy eyes*

[Church]

Thank you for the constructive review. A thorough proofreading hasn't even started, and it desperately needs to be done. I will annotate those errors in a comment so I know to correct it later. Thank you.
I'm pleased you enjoyed it, and it thrills me that you want to read more. It's all very reassuring. I'm currently reading through everything again, and if I find myself troubled or unsure of something, I will likely post it here, looking for honest opinions from writers like you.
It sounds selfish, but I want to be careful what I release. I do hope to publish this one day and I don't want too much revealed about the plot. :)

But now, I need to read more of YOUR story.

[Delmar Cooper]

I think the genre is world building, creating a Neverland or Oz or Middle Earth from the writer's imagination." Sibling" seems to be used to imply brotherhood of a gregarious, non-threatening, non-sexual type. I presume the names are symbolic, but I don't have the cultural or linguistic background to explore that. The relationship seems to be coworker and supportive in both directions. The male seems the more ambitious of the two and my mind goes ahead to his ambition becoming a source of conflict.
There are a few grammatical errors a good proofread will ferret out.

[Church]

Thank you Delmar. Your analysis is mostly on point, which is very reassuring to me.

Yes I'm still very far away from a thorough proofreading. It definitely needs to be done.

Thank you for reading and commenting on the three topics I was focused on.

[Delmar Cooper]

Good luck with your book. I hope you have great and satisfying success in your endeavor.