Looking through Deaths Eyes

A man who has developed Cotord's Syndrome (Walking corpse syndrome) when he was a teenager due to a terrible accident Faces dying because of brain cancer. Cotords Syndrome is where the victim feels as if there dead and rotting. They feel bugs crawling and

         I woke up around Seven A.M to the usual dull hospital walls. I felt like nothing was wrong with me today. I tried to get up, and that false hope slipped away as I couldn’t move at all . "Well at least I made it another day." , I thought to myself.  I felt myself slipping away with every minute that goes by. I wondered why God hated me so much. I never did anything to deserve this. In fact all I did was help people. But, yet I'm being punished. “Does this torture ever stop?”, I think.
          I wasn’t much anymore...Slowly breaking down and rotting away. I didn’t feel like I had a soul anymore. These doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Took some of the best they had to figure out that I had Cotard’s  Syndrome. Some know it as Walking corpse syndrome. I have had it since I was a teenager. But that’s not why I am here at this hospital. It’s just an addition to my brain cancer.
    You know….I never really thought that I could die. But I am becoming aware that the usual smell of my rotting flesh is intensifying. The pain is at it’s peek as the bugs crawl through my flesh. And I realize it is just getting worse.
    Looking back at my life I see how lucky I was to find a woman who accepts me. Ah! Beautiful women she is too! She is coming to visit me shortly. She is the only thing that I look forward too.
    There was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" I said.
My wife comes fluttering in and seems happy to see me.
"Daniel, how are you feeling ?" ,she said.
“Not good Amy not good at all. Everything is getting worse. It’s so hot and my bones feel like napalm.”
    She reached over me to grab a towel and that’s when I smelt the fresh scent of a mans cologne. It was then I knew Amy was cheating on me. And the pain suddenly worsened. I noticed the hickey mark on her neck when she leaned over as well.
"She is just waiting for me to die to inherit all my money." I think to myself
    Amy had this odd, sad look on her face. She saw me looking at her and quickly turned away. I was holding back tears at this point. I was wondering if she was going to tell me. I tried not to think about it.
    She begins this long discussion about how she was going to be out of town for a few weeks. I saw that coming like a brick wall. I tune her out as the nurse brought me some soup for lunch. I examine it, and notice it smelled like throw up and had the texture of rotten milk. I look at the spoon, and take it out of the bowl. I see my reflection in it. It’s the most horrifying thing to see. Your flesh peeling off your bones ,and maggots crawling through your eye sockets. I know nobody else sees it, but I do. Amy’s voice finds itself in my head as she says goodbye. I didn’t say anything to her as she left. I took one last look at the spoon and wondered if I could cut out me throat with it. “Nope…probably not.”
    I had this feeling like the end was near. Like somehow I knew I was going to die soon. The nurse walked in and made sure I was doing ok. I told her I was fine and asked her to open the curtains. When she left the room I looked outside the window. Most people would have seen the finer things to life. But then I just think about how cruel the world is. How corrupt the Government is.
    The next day I knew I was going to die. It just felt right.. I was weaker than ever and my pulse was slowing down gradually. The nurse came in the room with flowers and a card. She placed them on my side of the room. I take one of the flowers from it’s vase and smell it. It triggered memories of my childhood a time where everything was great. I felt so touched deep down. The nurse notices what I am doing. Her facial expression quickly changes. She said that the flowers were for the guy I was sharing a room with. She takes them up and places them on the other side. Silent tears slowly roll down my cheeks as I realize that no one even cared enough about me to come see me, or send me something.
    Slowly but surely I am getting closer to death. But I felt so comfortably numb. My hands are sweaty and the room feels so dark. I feel myself shaking.. I grab the glass of water beside me and take a drink.

“Here it comes.” I think to myself.
    My body jolted around, and I was in complete agony. I felt like I was going to explode. I coughed some blood up and some doctors rushed into the room. I tried to tell them something.

“t--t--ell.” My body began jolting again. “Tell A-Am-Am.”  I started coughing violently as my body was thrashing around. I grabbed the nurses hand and I said

“Tell A-Am-Amy I l-lo-lo-love h-he.”
    I never got the last word out. My soul was taken that moment and I was looking through Deaths Eyes. I saw all the nurses and doctors faces and as I look into there hearts I see pain and sorrow. Then I see my dead body. My real body as it really was. I look at the expression on my face and it matched my soul. I saw true despair…And never had it felt so good.
 

Author's Note

There are probably a lot of grammar errors. Feel free to point them out

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Hi Chris.

Yes, there are grammatical errors throughout the story, but they are easy fixes and not nearly as distracting as the tense usage. You tend to jump back and forth between present and past tense in many of the paragraphs, which tends to vex the reader. Here is an example of what I mean:
"She BEGINS this long discussion about how she WAS going to be out of town for a few weeks. I SAW that coming like a brick wall. I TUNE her out as the nurse BROUGHT me some soup for lunch. I EXAMINE it, and notice it smelled like throw up and had the texture of rotten milk."

I would suggest a complete rewrite of the story by way of fixing it into a past tense scenario. Maintaining the story as is accommodates an amateur tone about it, and distracts from the fact that it truly is an interesting story. I greatly enjoyed the part where you described how the protagonist views himself in the spoon's reflection with self-disgust and loathing. Adding to that, the icing on the cake is the fact that you pointed out that no one else sees him like this. Focus on that sort of descriptive narration, rework the tense usage, and I think you'll have the work that you set out to write in the first place. You may also want to concentrate on giving a bit more description as to what Cotord's Syndrome is, and how one becomes afflicted with it.

Please send me a read request when you fix these things. I'd really like to reread this in its proper context. You're onto a great idea with this story, but like all masterpieces, it needs a few touch-ups.

[nostal]

Nice.

[Larissa G.]

I agree, creative. My biggest problem other than what Damien mentioned was that it was SHORT. Short stories don't mean brief. Character development would help. Find ways to make us connect with the characters more, go into depth in scenes more often to prolong the suspense. So, good luck with the fixing. :)

[Steph♥]

Damn you're creative... haha... =)
-Steph♥

[Victor]

Wow this strory was really good thxs for writing this piece it was good

~Victor

[Face In A Crowd]

Wow... Wow... Wow... That's good. Wow... that really is wow. Just wow.