Battle Song

Lift the Family banners high

Silver, gold, blue and red

To fill our enemies with dread

Marching bearers, let them fly!

Boom, boom! Hear the drums?

Shake with fear

They sound your doom!

Flee, fly! Your blood will spill

Helms of starlight, ringing steel!

Your rank and file will fall at length

We march in strength

Our foes waylaid.

With honor come to allies' aid.

Reviews

[Devesh]

This reminds me of a book by Garth Nix called 'Shade's Children'. It was a fun read and so is the song! Good job! :)

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thank you.

[Devesh]

You're welcome. :)

[ANM]

Like the Battle Song, could spurn an epic or a novel, well done!

[Christyn Jeffries]

It is part of a song sung by one of the characters in my novel.

[ANM]

Is your novel on here it certainly sounds like something I would like to take a look at!

[MoriartyMesa]

On what shore, would this army advance?

[Christyn Jeffries]

I haven't named my created country yet.

[Chris]

Seems there is always a tune worthy of marching off to die on their lips... and angelic chorus to brings the emptiness home.

[Christyn Jeffries]

Yes. And to keep up the courage when facing imminent death.

[Roland Sivar]

Absolutely love this.

Very Tolkien-esque! And I always find short poems harder-hitting.

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thanks! It's funny that you say that, because I wrote this for my fantasy novel.

[NeiL ArandA]

This is really nice . Still patriotic In style and in nature . Hope yo see more .

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid war poem...Thank you for sharing the charge...:)...................

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thank you!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)............

[Sioranth Smith]

I love the visualization and the concept of this piece, but the rhyming and rhythm are somewhat choppy. For example for rhyme, stanza one is ABAB, two is CCDD, and then stanza three is kind of incongruent with five lines and a highly interpretive rhyme scheme of EFEGG. I think this piece would be extremely powerful in a fixed form, but it would do well as free verse with a little more consistency, too. I really like that you added auditory images with the drums because that's one of the lines that makes this a strong poem and builds energy for it. I was picturing a very noble sort of army with the drums and starlight helms. If you wanted, you could try moving that last stanza to the middle and move the middle stanza to the end to bring the energy up earlier and really push that "war cry" through to the end when they come to aid. :)

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thank you for taking the time to help me! I rearranged per your suggestion. I knew the rhyming was a little random but I wasn't sure whether or not that was permissible in poetry.

[Sioranth Smith]

I would say that it depends on what type of poetry you're trying to write. Generally, whatever you're writing (whether a fixed form or free verse), you want it to flow smoothly and sound good when you read it aloud. There are all kinds of rhyming schemes and meters, none of which have to be followed "in form," but the poem should still mesh together on its own. Trying reading yours aloud and you may see what I mean. I could inbox you some of my favorite poetry reference sites (for meter, rhyme, types of forms, etc.) if you'd like? They help me tons!

[Christyn Jeffries]

Sure, thanks!

[Forest Green]

A true charge, filled with emotion of the conflict to come.

Nice writing.

[Christyn Jeffries]

Thanks! I'm glad it worked. I'm new to poetry, so I was wondering if it came across well.