The Shadow Man

What are you afraid of? The traditional bloodthirsty, flesh hungry zombie, or a disfigured monster lying in wait under your bed? Maybe a more rational fear, like living in a world where your God is dead, and death is a pitch black abyss? I've always feared situations with no easy logical explanation. Where the backstory is filled with alleged mysterious tales, and the eerie endings insinuate the antagonist still lurks in the corners of our fearful minds.

On a Saturday evening, me and my brother wandered through the neighborhood my father lived in. We visited him on weekends often, and did the same activities. Enough video games and television watching to bloodshot our eyes and dry out our brains. This particular Saturday evening was bitter and chilly, being on the threshold of winter. We thought walking through a deserted cemetery would alleviate our boredom and be sort of exciting.

What the cemetery was to me was a wonder-filled landscape to wander through with no apparent danger. That was my initial feeling of the place. Me and my brother passed multiple graves and small tombstones, talking and unaware of our surroundings. So unaware, that we realized two facts that were pretty unsettling. First, the Sun had fell significantly low, reducing about a quarter of our vision. The second, we realized we were lost.

I was unsure if my brother was jokingly trying to scare me or if he was genuinely on edge as I was. Being five years older than me, he probably didn't want me having a panic attack over being temporarily lost in a small graveyard. Besides, how difficult can it be finding our way out? The truth was, the cemetery was a massive maze, and the further and faster we tried to escape, running franticly tripping over the occasional dead bundle of flowers placed at the headstones, the darker it seemed to become.

Dread was filling my entire body, and my feet begun to drag as if cinderblocks were tied to my ankles. My brother was now becoming noticeably anxious, he had gone from a nervous light breathing to deeply hyperventilating, like he had sprinted a mile and back. We then felt the pressure subside for a moment, as we came across a man.

He wore all black, and he was kneeling next to a grave. We thought maybe we could ask for directions, as our desperate and shaky faces waddled towards the man. He appeared to be sobbing, mourning the death of whoever was buried in the ground. We edged closer, and the sobbing became more deep and sorrowful. What we saw as we slowly drew closer, was not man.

The thing, was a tall black shadowy figure. It appeared dark and grim, and was now bawling in long deep tones, as if being tortured. Me and my brother froze, my lungs felt like they were being gripped by icy hands. My brother's face turned twisted, into a grimace of sheer terror.

The sobbing abruptly stopped, and the shadowy man fiercely twisted its head onto us. I felt like I was struck with lightning, a sudden jolt traveled through my body. My brother had already sprinted in the opposite direction, screaming for me to follow him. It was night by the time we found our way out.

My brother never spoke to me again about what we did that evening. I never spoke to him about it either. It wasn't concerning our sanity or imagination at that point, just out of apprehension that we would see such things again. I've never stepped foot inside a cemetery again after that. If I do, I'll tread it carefully. If you do, listen for the quiet, sorrowful sobs. You may run into the shadow man.

Reviews

[aramis360]

This is good work. Some grammatical errors, that if corrected, could polish up the sound and pacing of your writing, and make it better. I feel that this work has two separate topics, and that only one was essentially needed. The first being the question, "What are you afraid of?", and the second being the story of two boys getting lost in a graveyard. The story, itself, would have asked the question regarding fear on its own.

Your sentences are clear and to the point, and many writers do not understand the value of this. Keep that quality in your writing. This is a demand from the vast majority of professional writers. Simplicity is where genius is.

[Christopher Zayn]

Constructive criticism is always appreciated!
I guess the reason I asked the question was to set the tone of my story. The theme was fear, though. I was just experimenting, I've never written a horror/suspense topic before.

[Relic]

I'll echo the words of those below and add one thing I noticed that bothered me just a tad. Me and my brother. I would switch it to my brother and me, my brother and I or the both of us. Other than that, an enjoyable read.

[Robert Parlange]

Liked the story. It has a good prologue. Something H.P. Lovecraft used to use in some of his stories. It sets the mood.
It might not hurt to put it into a more formal short story or essay format. It has all the elements: beginning, middle, and end. You could use a little dialogue between you and your brother. Or the shadow-figure.
Good work.

[Stan Lee]

Wow! I really enjoyed this story. The descriptive language is wonderful. And I particularly like the way it ended. "If you do, listen for the quiet, sorrowful sobs. You may run into the shadow man."

Thanks for sharing! :)

[Christopher Zayn]

Thanks! I didn't think this story would be received that well but I'm glad someone liked it!