AIRLESS "Terminal Break" (Chapter 29 excerpt)

AIRLESS "Terminal Break" (Chapter 29 excerpt)

A Chapter by Christoph Poe

"Why do you love me?"

Days had passed before I found the courage to ask such a bold question. His eyes carved me over as I turned in embarrassment. His cheeks would twist with that crooked grin, and he spoke words, such resonant sounds, I thought I'd never hear.

"The first time I met you--the first time I saw you--I wasn't entirely sure what I thought."

My head bowed as I glanced out a dirty window. "You didn't have an opinion? You didn't have a train of thought?" Overlooking the river, the breaks of the surface due to protruding rocks mesmerized me, but they proved not distracting enough to keep my thoughts off of Ray.

He moved around the room, and folded the blankets we had slept upon for the past couple of days. "I wouldn't say I thought nothing. Have you ever felt as if the air was sucked from your very lungs, and you were dying for breath due to the absence of a loved one?"

My eyes fell to complete my bland expression, knowing the thought of blankness and maybe even a bit of betrayal. Betrayal from who? From that single loved one, or maybe even our creator who I thought little of.

"I know of it."

My eyes remained black.

"It was that same feeling, but," he trailed off. "Occurred backwards."

A bit confused, "You felt as if I sucked the air from you?" I directed.

"Yes."

My estranged expression pushed him further.

"As if I had loved you for a very long time. The void was filled."


© 2013 Christoph Poe


Author's Note

Christoph Poe
This is only an excerpt from a much later chapter (Chapter 29 of 32). It has seemed to attract a fair amount of attention on my other accounts, so I thought I'd continue to share it. Thank you for viewing!

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Reviews

Ha, I love it. What the guy says, "Have you ever felt as if the air was sucked from your very lungs, and you were dying for breath due to the absence of a loved one?" I love how it goes with the title. Airless. That's really cool. This was very well written, thanks for sharing it with us.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

Thank you! This scene, which is very close to the end, really is that punch line of the novel. Both .. read more
Very good simple, poetic prose. Very to the point, not many wasted words in this one. Even though it was just a snippet and part of something bigger, I think it gives a pretty complete picture all by itself, and left me feeling satisfied after reading it.
The only thing I was wondering was something that is more up to personal taste I think than anything else and you can throw it out the window if you want:
Saying things like "breaks of the surface due to protruding rocks" and "blankets we had slept upon" seems to be slightly melodramatic and unnatural coming off the tongue. Personally I'd re-phrase it to something like, "the ripples along the surface from the rocks below" and "the blankets we had slept on", or something along those lines, following more natural speech patterns. But, as I said, that's only personal preference, and it was a very good piece regardless, not a necessary change.
Keep up the good work!
SLK

Posted 11 Years Ago


I really liked this. Very interesting! Keep up the good writing!

Posted 11 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

Thank you kindly! :)
I found this to be very interesting and well written. Just to grab a small slice of a much larger work, place it out here for us to see, and have it make a great first impression certainly speaks volumes of what the rest of the book must be. Very nice.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

A big THANKS to you for looking at this. :) I know you write a lot of pieces circled around love. Th.. read more
i know this is only and excerpt but how you wrote it made me wanna read the rest, i wanna know how it got to that point and what's going to happen next, i can see why it attracts attention.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

Thank you for giving this a read! I can only hope everyone finds something interesting in it. I've i.. read more
Just a snapshot as it is, I know I'm missing a lot. What I do see is sharp, compitent writing.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

Do you find that appealing? Or is it a bit of a turn-off?
Thank you regardless! :)
Samuel Dickens

11 Years Ago

It's appealing and interesting. Not a turn-off at all.
Christoph Poe

11 Years Ago

Thank you again. :) I really do appreciate that you took the time to look for more out of my story. .. read more

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Added on January 18, 2013
Last Updated on January 31, 2013


Author

Christoph Poe
Christoph Poe

Tuscaloosa, AL



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