The past is not the past

Honestly just a crude and angry rant

You think its ancient history 

I'm holding in my hands

It's not

It's the fact that you will never understand

Criticize when I feel like I am losing my mind 

Reject when I don't live my life in your specific way 

Then fall apart when I decide yours

isn't one to celebrate

And now that I'm not there for you

I pray for you each day;

Pray that our paths won't intersect

and you won't stay in my mind this way

I love you, I forgive you

for this legacy of rage

The one that I'll carry with myself 

to my dying day

Looking back I realize, 

I searched for years for this escape

Escape the raised voices and objects bouncing off the rafters

an excuse to run away

Because the little ones 

aren't really little anymore

They don't want help 

with the monsters in the floor

___________________________

Mama I just wanted you to see me where I stood

Intervene with reality-

stop living in your fantasy

not shrink from the screams

I never did,

I always waded right into the fray

If the monster was unleashed 

I woke the monster in me

But you clung to your daydream

and blocked out the noise

Cowered behind the little ones 

so it was we that were destroyed

I swear this little waltz of yours

was something you enjoyed

enjoyed poking the bear

then playing victim with poise

So much Blame - So much Shame

and still you don't understand

I didn't make you

and you didn't make me

Its a fact that we have always been

in full control of who we want to be 

I didn't want to be angry and alone

Just a mum and dad to love me

But the thing is 

those years are well past gone

and there is nothing you can do 

or will do to show that little one love 

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love often comes way too late...and we have to beg for it...it is tainted.

we would hope that parents just have an innate need to nurture...when that is not there, the offspring end up lost in a tangle wood of shame and anger...
this is a moving piece...
j.