Untitled

Most people believe it a gentle whisper,

of new life in bright meadows,

of love felt for the first time,

the sound of a nursery rhyme.

I hear the growl of a cornered beast;

a fierce rage in the deep.

I hear that which would stir

candle light to bright flame

unquenchable; unleashed.

I feel relief; knowing it is not just me 

Author's Note

can't come up with a title for this one

Reviews

[JayG]

I know you said you want to be understood more, so since there's something standing in the way, I thought you might want to know.

Look at the piece, not as the all knowing author, but as the reader, who has only the context you evoke or supply:

• Most people believe it a gentle whisper,

One of the problems we face as the author, is that when we begin reading our own words, we already know the story. We also know what we’re referring to, and why. And of more importance, we'll take the words exactly as they’re intended to be taken. But will the reader?

Because we already have context and intent, it’s easy to leave out things that seem obvious to us, then “fill in the blanks” as we read, and never notice the problem.

In this poem, you never identify what “it” is.

• I hear the growl of a cornered beast;

In what? That mysterious and undefined “it?” You know, so it makes perfect sense. But the reader?

• I feel relief; knowing it is not just me

Doesn’t track with L1, because the number of people in that “not most people,” group is unknown.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/