Talk to me

for a grieving friend

I saw you,

Shuttered glance.

Flat lined.

Not another chance.

I saw you,

Heart and Soul

Transformed 

in ecstatic dance.

I saw you,

arms wide 

to pull me closer

or push me away

I cannot tell anymore.

Your feet stand still.

I saw you,

heart closed to the world

I saw you,

locked somewhere

inside of yourself,

hiding from my stare

I saw you,

lips stitched shut

I knew in that secret place

You'd had enough

I saw you, 

and my heart screamed

"Talk to me.

Show me you still breathe".

Reviews

[chrysantheranium]

Brilliant work, Anne! It felt like the poem was being read out loud to the reader, as if the poem and reader were the friends tied behind shut lips. It goes to show how big your heart is to reach out the way you did, and I love the flow of the words together, making it all come together to sound like a hushed memory or the murmur of a stream. Very well written!

Some random grammar advice, since I know we as writers sometimes overlook our works:
- "Show me you still breath." Unless I'm misunderstanding and you were playing with words, the "correct" form of "breath" would be "breathe" in this line. I can see it going either way but I thought I'd point it out just in case you were aiming for the word "breathe" instead of "breath." :)

All in all, a great poem! I think my favorite line in this one was "Arms wide / To pull me closer / Or push me away."

[Anne’sRants]

Thanks for pointing that out. I wouldn‘t have noticed. I appreciate the constructive criticism :)

[Rhayne]

Again, a beautiful piece. I felt the emotions of both parties. The fear and agony of watching someone you love die. For the other, dying is a relief, final release from all you dread, yet, as they leave their body, they long to one last time, hold the one they love most before they go.

Beautifully written.

[MarkAndTheOcean]

Lovely little poem! Unrequited love or even love from a distance is always a bittersweet feeling, you feel happy at what you desire but sad in thinking it can never be.
Keep it up!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this almost feels like a poem to self, rather than to someone else...am i still alive, still breathing?
i feel like I have flatlined....that my heart is dead...is it still beating?
after so much pain in love, it certainly can feel that way...
intense write.
j.

[Anne’sRants]

Thanks j. Thats an interesting take on it. It grieves me to see other people hurt like this. That pain definately reflects back.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Anne! : )
It's just Richard, come to welcome you and partake some of your deeply touching poetic offerings. I hope you're enjoying the Café, making new friends, fans, and a nice following … I am sure many will be pleasantly surprised by the variety of your skills, as I was when reading through all your pieces.
You're quite the artist, with a huge, open mind, heart, and soul … those aspects in a human that allow a common poet to become a brilliantly expressive and accomplished virtuoso … my humble discernment of You, of course. : )
This particular piece seems to reveal your softer, empathetic, more caring, giving, and compassionate side, all expressed in a Skeltonic Verse-like format to virtually flow down the page and up into my heart.
Though, I love it all, this verse drifted ever-so softly and promising through my smitten senses:
"I saw you,
Heart and Soul
Transformed
in ecstatic dance."

Gripping and touching … I'm enchanted! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Anne’sRants]

Thanks so much Richard. I appreciate the encouragement.

[Richard🖌]

You're certainly welcome, Anne, but there is more than encouragement in my review.

[Richard🖌]

I'd enjoy a read and review from You. : )

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

I love the melody it whispered in my ear singing to me the love song of friendship.
It's really amazing sharing this kind of piece for it makes the mind feel its reality.

Well written, Anne.

[DAH]

There's a soft jittery waiting conveyed
in this piece that allows the reader to participate.

The reiteration works really well as it adds
a needed down beat, as if the reader is dancing along ...

Good job!

DAH

[Anne’sRants]

Thanks DAH

[DAH]

My pleasure!

[Relic]

Reaching out to a friend like this shows a big heart that wants to act automatically and immediately. That's a good trait to have. Nice writing.