Play by play

So an hour ago Kelsey and her friend got into my car. Kelsey looks so f*****g hot I am still trying to process it. Let her drive my car and her friend sit shotgun. I'm in the backseat typing this and checking her out. Like at the moment I just want to pick her up pin her against the wall and start kissesing her. Like damn she looks good in this skirt. She's been calling me babe and everytime she says it my heart starts to race. God I love this girl. Soon will drop her friend off and finally go home and make cookies. Ally can't wait to see her, that dog heard her voice last night on the phone and she put her face like almost on the damn screen. She was worried about her. I hate when Kelsey says we arn't dating. I get sad cause I miss saying hey that's my girlfriend. Honestly just having her around is better than nothing. She just said hey you haven't given me a kiss yet. We kissed, my heart is racing some. God her kisses are amazing those lips are so damn soft. She went to the beach, I think she got a tan but it looks good. That moment you realize that the girl you're in love with is sitting next to you but she's also your ex but you want her to be your girl again but she's atleast your best friend. Still not able to get over how f*****g hot she looks right now. Was looking at her she saw me and smiled blushed to hard. She tried the sour candy thing I got and she's like these don't taste good ha-ha. She stole my candy turtle :(. Well I'm in love with my best friend who's also my ex. So I decided to try this thing where I write everything as it's happening and we've been together for 2 hours now and I'm loving every moment of it. I was planning to kill myself tomorrow but since today has gone so well I'm gonna put that on hold for a bit. So as I come back to this.... Kels showed my parents her yearbook as I went to go pickup the pizza came back to find out she hacked into my laptop and won't tell me how she got into it. Honestly that freaks me out but thank god the tab I had up shut itself off cause idk what I'd do if she saw I had the suicide hotline was up. The last thing I need is my family getting involved with my affairs and holding my pistol hostage longer. I already got rid of my knifes which turned out sucks since now I don't have anything to cut with... Well I guess I could use a razer but those don't hurt at all when cutting so I used my finger nail to dig into my arm this way when it's healing it starts to hurt. For some reason I feel nothing when I cut it's weird. Guess all my adrenaline rush makes it where I can't feel a damn thing who the f**k knows. I am enjoying my time with kels though. Gonna miss these moments with her after I'm dead and gone. As I sit here looking at her watching her smile she and everyone else I know have beautiful am planning my suicide. She's the only person who's stopping me from tyng my leg to a rock and Chunking it into the lake. I wonder if she even realizes I'd do just about anything for her. God I wish you could see her right now. She's so beautiful