journal entry 12.5

So for the last few days I have had the urge to take my razor and cut but I made a promise to my girl that I wouldn't,  some days are harder than others. The other day I wanted to cut so bad but I stopped and I could hear my girls voice in the back of my head telling me everything will be okay and that I don't need to do it.  I took it and threw it away.  I have missed her so f*****g much. I was so depressed my room is creeply clean as hell.  I never have it this clean but now I seriously don't feel uncomfortable about having her in my room since everything is nice and clean now. I am really hoping she stays the night tonight or tomorrow.  Having her with me will bring me peace and comfort.  I have had a few good job interviews yesterday and today I am going to this wedding rental place for a job interview. They said they're in desperate need of men to help move heavy boxes and stuff and it pays enough to be able to get my own place which will be fantastic cause I will no longer have to sneak my girlfriend in and out of the house at odd hours of the night. If I had my own place and when she graduates I wish if I'd ask her she would say yes about moving in with me cause I want her around all the time.  When I get home from work it would be nice to see her beautiful smile warm my heart after a long days work and get to come home knowing that I get to lay on the couch and snuggle up with the best girl I have ever laid eyes on.  Earlier she told me to stop being an a*****e and at the moment I saw nothing wrong with what I said but looking back at it she was right I took it in the wrong direction and I wish I could take back what I said.  She said she doesn't want me to bother coming to see her tomorrow before work but I hope she changes her mind because I do care and I do want to see her even if it was only for 5 mins it would be worth the 25 min drive up to her work.  I love my baby girl more than most people know. She's on the phone with me right now and I think she is asleep. I love falling asleep with her while on a phone call it's almost like she is right her next to me.  Sometimes when we are on the phone I roll on my side and I hold my cell like I am holding her hand and it makes me feel that much closer to her.  Don't care who thinks that is lame or gay but I'll do whatever it takes for me to feel closer to her.

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

A problem with commenting on this site is that often you are not sure whether you are dealing with personal experience or not! This story is pretty dark Chris but its very strong because is seems honest and describes openly the problems and worries of this young man. There are a few points that I'm not too sure about. You could have explained what was said after she said 'stop being an a*****e'. The bit about being depresseed and the room being creepily clean might be explore more. The sentence 'She's on the phone with me right now and I think she is asleep' is a bit puzzling to me.
I think there a lot to interest the reader which could be expanded.
Well done,Alan
You might lke to have a look at my story 'the Gardener' which has some dark humour.