Journel entry 9.5

So I went up to see my girlfriend. I bought her an Oreo milkshake. We walked to her car and we didn't talk we just held each other and gave kisses. She has no idea how badly I needed those hugs from her. Miss her already. It was soo fantastic seeing her tonight. God I love her scent and that smile and those eyes and her kisses. I wish I could've just held her for hours. The little time that we had together felt like an eternity. So in love with this girl. She doesn't have to say a word and she can still get me to blush hardcore and smile a real smile not like the fake ones I give to everyone else. She always can put a real smile on my face because I am always happy when I get to see her. Doesn't matter if it's only for a second I'll take whatever I can get to see her. She ran her fingers through my hair omg I love that so much.   I asked her what she was doing and she said writing, I said same and she said I'll go than.  I never want her to go, no matter what I am doing I always try to make time for her.  Even when I am writing I like her to stay.  It may take a bit to message back but I always stop to take the time to talk to her, she's the best part of my day.  I feel so bad I got her to start writing on this and everything she wrote got deleted.  I do love it when she writes yet to see anything except for that poem she wrote me but non the less I am glad she's using it to write her thoughts down.  This is a great way for me to not have to keep everything bottled up inside.  I try hard not to write dark poetry but I have written it for so long that I am good at it or the way the medication makes me feel.  I realized the only time I really write anything love type is after I have spent some time with her.  I do wonder how many people follow along with reading my entries and if there was anything I have said that maybe helped someone out with there life problems.  I did think about something though I do need to learn how to keep calm, maybe there's a pill out there that will help me just relax cause I don't really know what else to do.  I am looking for a therapist though maybe they can help me find a way to relax so I am not so uptight about everything.  I really try hard not to be but for some reason un known to me I just get super uptight about certain things and I think my uptightness annoys her.   I do know this I am tired of getting stepped on at work and I about lost my job today.  I was in the wrong but still I got all my s**t done and I wanted my boss to see my good work before someone destroyed it all.  There's this lady at work omg I hate her with a passion,  every freaking day I work prep she makes food and than expects me to clean up after her.  Today she made something and than tossed all this salad and cheese crap in the middle sink, about sliced my finger off trying to dig that s**t out of the sink to get it unplugged.  Tomorrow I am talking to the boss about it to try and get everyone to stop throwing whole foods in the sink. I found chicken freaking chicken stuck in there one day sliced my finger and I was like seriously??? my boss can't figure out for himself why I get so pissed working dish well that is the reason because people keep throwing crap down the drain and I have to scoop it out to unplug it.  The only good thing to come out of working dish this whole week is my girlfriend I think is working DRA or whatever it's called so I'll get to see her a lot more so in the end it is a good thing.