Journel entry 8.5 depression

What's the point in living if you can't share it with the person you love?

We had a good day today,  She even went on to tell me how she misses her king and than moments later goes on about how she has given up and that she doesn't feel like she's good enough for me.  Like for real I f*****g love this girl and than she goes on to tell me that she just doesn't care anymore I am so heart broken right now I seriously just want to blow my brains out but I don't have my gun anymore.  I don't want another person in my life that isn't her she's the one who makes me happy and the one who keeps me calm, without her I am just an empty shell made of glass. Why can't she just except that she is f*****g perfect? why?  I now don't even want to go into work anymore and just shut myself away from the world.  I have never felt this way about someone before, I have never felt this type of love from anyone.  I feel sick to my stomach now,  maybe there's a chance to get her back and by some luck she will stay with me and be with me forever.  If I could show you my tears I would, if I could show you the blood I am thinking about spilling I would.  I would die for this girl so she could go on living.  I am NOT going to give up I am going to be there she is my best friend and pretty much my only real friend.