Journel entry 7

I am sorry for the pain I have caused you

I am sorry for everything I have done

I forgive you until the end of time

I said it was okay

Everything will be okay

Know that I love you

Know that I care for you

Know that I will always be here for you

You're my one true love

I am sorry that your ex's where nothing but pieces of s**t

You're such an amazing wonderful person

I truly deeply care about you

Tonight was perfect

Tonight talking I think will help us move forwards with our relationship

You're my best friend my only real friend that I have on this earth and I am not ready to just give that up over a stupid fight

I know what I said and I was mad I was angry I could blame it on my bipolar but I am not going to

What I said was wrong I am sorry I am truly sorry

It's so hard for me to know what is real anymore I have been hurt by so many people

I am addicted to certain things in life and I just don't know how to quit them

I still dip but just super small amounts the gum helps barley

I am doing the smokey mountain snuff and in hope it will help me quit permently for good this time

Last time I quit was for 6 months and it was the worst experience of my life

I can't begin to tell you of the horrible dreams I had from them the most fucked up part is waking up buzzed covered in cold sweats and my girlfriend at the time tells me don't worry about it drink this.

Turning out that she was medicating me with pain killers and ambien with a mixture of whiskey and than raping me in my sleep

We broke up and she still claims it was justifyable because I am a guy and I enjoyed it. How do you enjoy something you aren't made aware of?

This thought always crosses my mind on how do you do that to someone you claim to love?

I am going to leave it at that and come back maybe tomorrow with an answer