Bloody Mary...

The sound of footsteps echoed through the empty school building. The full moon light illuminating the dark corridors on the second floor showed three figures running fast, three boys.

 

“C’mon hurry up man” yelled the tall one in front.

 

“Yeah! yeah, we’re here relax” said the second one.

 

“Okay! What are we doing here?” asked the third one, out of breath.

 

“Well you wanna join our group don’t you Charlie?” asked the first one catching his.

 

“Yeah! I do” said Charlie.

 

“Well you have to prove you’re brave enough for that.”

 

“What do I have to do?”

 

“You heard about the game Bloody Mary?”

 

“Yeah! a bit.”

 

“Great, here’s what you have to do, go into the toilet, shut the door, look in the mirror and say Bloody Mary three times. Stay in there for 5 minutes and you’re in.”

 

“That’s it?” asked Charlie

 

“Yeah! That’s it! Ryan open the door”

 

The two boys escorted Charlie into the toilet.

 

“Now you just stand in the middle, look in the mirror and say Bloody Mary three time.”

 

Charlie confidently went it but once inside his nerves stared to get the better of him, his trembling hands were showing it and the others saw it.

 

“Hey Dave, this is all I gotta do then I’m in?” asked Charlie

 

“Yeah! Bro, you ready? Ryan check if the night watchman is on his route.” Dave said as he closed the door when Charlie nodded in approval. Outside very carefully Dave slowly without making any noise pulled the latch on the door and locked it.

 

Charlie took a look around him. The toilet was small with four urinals and three stalls, two wash basins and a tube light above the long mirror. He got on the floor and looked under the stalls that were locked, they were empty. His heart was beating fast, gulping down the saliva in his mouth and wiping the sweat off his forehead he looked straight in the mirror. Looking at his reflection and taking a deep breath he said in a low but audible voice.

 

“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary”

 

He started getting more nervous; each passing second was like a minute to him, his heart was pounding and his hands were shaking. The sweat trickling down his neck made him very uncomfortable. Then suddenly the lights went off. In a heartbeat he lost it. Freaking out he rushed to the door and started banging it while trying to turn the light switch on and off.

 

“Let me out, please let me out. Help, help. Open the door, please guys this isn't funny. Open the door.”

 

He cried, begged and screamed. What made him even more frightened was that there was no noise coming from the outside. He kept on banging, screaming and crying. The shear darkness and silence of the closed toilet along with the story of Bloody Mary in his head, his mind started playing games. Every horror movie he had ever seen, every horror story he had ever heard and every horror video game he had played was coming to his mind. The thought of being terrorized by a spirit then dying of fright was the only thing on his mind. At that point the touch of his own hair on the back of his neck was frightening.

 

On the outside Ryan and Dave were standing far from the toilet, laughing and giggling softly.

 

“Dude this was the best idea ever” Ryan said

 

“Yeah man. God! Why didn't I think of this earlier?” replied Dave

 

Checking his watch Ryan said

 

“Alright C’mon, that’s enough. It’s been 5 minutes. Tell Jimmy to turn the lights on”

 

“Aw! Man, a few minutes more?”

 

“Hell no! the kid’s a coward. You’d be lucky to open the door and find him not lying on the floor dead with a heart attack. Bet you he’s already pissed himself.”

 

“Alright, alright. Hey Jimmy, turn the lights back on man” Dave said into a walkie-talkie he was holding.

 

“Jimmy? Jimmy? You there?” he said again.

 

“What the hell is he doing?” asked Ryan.

 

“Yo Jimmy?” he yelled into the walkie-talkie but there was no reply.

 

“Is he gone for a pee?” asked Ryan

 

“Don’t know! Jimmy, man stop playing.”

 

“Should we go and check?” asked Ryan.

 

Dave looked at him then turned towards the toilet. That’s when he and Ryan realized there was an eerie silence in the atmosphere. Neither of them noticed that there was no noise, no crying and no screaming coming from inside. There was complete silence, too much silence and the only sound was of their beating hearts. They stood completely still for a few moments then began to move slowly towards the toilet. Looking at each other constantly, confused and worried they reached the door.

 

“Charlie?” Ryan called out.

 

“Hey bro you okay?” called out Dave.

 

Silence, not a sound from inside. Moving forward his trembling hand, Dave placed it on the latch. Pulling it back it made a screeching noise that neither of them wanted to hear. When the back of the latch touched the metal holder and the door was unlocked Dave slowly pushed it open as the two of them stepped back. The door opened to the darkness inside on seeing which a nervous shiver ran down both their spines.

 

Pulling out a lighter from his pocket Ryan signaled Dave weather or not they should go inside, Dave hesitatingly nodded. Bringing his hand, holding the lighter forward, Ryan move in followed by Dave, keeping close. The only thing they both were hoping for was that Charlie was faking it.  As they went in, the light from the lighter showed that the small toilet room was empty. Suddenly Dave noticed one of the stalls were slightly open. Thinking Charlie must have hid inside and fainted Dave tapped Ryan’s shoulder as he moved forward. Moving towards the stall Ryan turned his lighter towards the mirror. He froze still; Dave who had his hand on Ryan’s shoulder felt his sudden stop. Turning to what Ryan was looking at; Dave’s heart almost stopped beating. The two were frozen with fear as they stared at the mirror but it wasn't the blood they saw on the mirror that scared them, it was the girl’s reflection that was standing right behind them.

 

The next day the janitor came to open the toilets before school began. He unlocked the girls then moved towards the boys. On reaching the door he pulled back the latch and opened it. Inside he reached over to the light switch and turned it on. The light showed the toilet empty and clean, just how he had left it. Then he saw the mirror, he moved towards it and settled his hair while admiring his reflection. Suddenly he noticed something, one of the stall doors were half open. He remembered closing all of them so he walked over to the stall and he pushed it open. His eyes got wide and he darted out of the toilet. Inside the stall, sticking out of the blood filled toilet bowl were four blood covered hands.

Author's Note

Please ignore the spellings and grammar. Review the story. Thank you...

Reviews

[Caleb White]

this story is spine tingling. I was literaly trembling. Good story, bad nightmares.

[Dickey Harrold]

I'd use the term "Bathroom" as opposed to "toilet. His hand were shaking (Hands) The only think they both The only THING they both. Unlocked the girl's one then moved...Unlocked the girls then moved ..leave out the word "one". The boy's one...leave out the word "one" as well. He eyes got wide...HIS eyes got wide.

Needs polishing. The story held no suspense, meaning, the reader new ahead what's next. You have potential, try writing something original, it'll broaden your ability.

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much for the review and even more for correcting the mistakes and as far as suspense goes, the story is based on an urban legend everybody knows about. Well, actually there's an alternative version where the ending's different, the bathroom door opens and Charlies gets out unharmed but finds the guys missing. The next day the janitor finds the three guys dead in the toilet. I stuck to the traditional story where everybody dies, sorry!

[Dickey Harrold]

Yes, I have a Bloody Mary movie where girls are dropped in a tunnel leading to an Insane Asylum and they look into the mirror. You have a good way of writing...smooth...and you stay on track. I use to rush getting my story posted and learned quickly to SLOW...DOWN. Rushing is your only error in this story. Normally I don't point out errors in reviews, I felt you didn't polish this story before posting it. Seeing my errors pointed out in reviews broke me of rushing.

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you again, I understand your point about rushing but the thing is I'm real busy. This story I wrote back in Sept 2013 and has been lying ever since. I did proofread it before posting but kinda did it in a hurry and you know that thing your brain does when you read things in a hurry; it kinda auto-corrects the mistakes so you don't notice them, that's what happens.

[GTTaylor]

Loved it! horror/dark writing, a writer after my own heart. I love how you captured the essence of childhood terror (it echoes the imaginations of anyone thats played the childhood game - really easy to relate to). Beautifully descriptive!

Only criticism i have (and its a very small point) is the structure at the beginning where you describe the boys as the first one, the second one etc. I like that the lack of names there separate them from the main character of the piece but I wonder if a description etc "the taller of the boys" may work well to help you engage from the beginning.

Only a small tiny point and overall it doesn't take away from the piece anyway. Really enjoyed reading it

[Christopher Paul]

Thank you so much, I'm real glad you liked it.