The Watermelon

Just a little prank that I did when I was young.

The Watermelon

Written by T. L. O’Neal

 

    Growing up as teenager in the seventies was a pretty good time. We didn’t have all this sort of stuff that the kids of today have to contend with. Of course the parents still had their worries back then but not like the ones they have now.  Then they worried about the longhair, rock and roll, cigarettes, drinking, and smoking pot on occasion, but not all the other things that they have to in this day and time. 

 

   Anyway, in the summer there’s nothing better than a fresh, juicy watermelon right out of the field. Better yet, when you got it for free if you know what I mean. They always tasted sweeter when you got them that way.

 

    On this one particular day, my friend Robert and I were out exploring through some woods in an area that we didn’t frequent very much, and as we were going through it we saw a light shining up ahead through the trees. We noticed as we went on that it was a clearing up ahead and we noticed that it had a watermelon patch out there in the field. Now these weren’t just any kind of melons either; they were those large Carolina melons, the big, long, striped kind that was the size of a small hog. That little field was lit up with the summer sun like a little oasis in the dark of the woods. It being a hot, muggy, summer day, those watermelons looked mighty tasty to two hot, thirsty and hungry teenagers. We didn’t know who’s patch it was but at the time it really didn’t matter because we were both famished.

 

   Stealing watermelons isn’t anything new; kids have been doing it for as long as farmers have been planting them. I imagine it’s been going on for hundreds of years or maybe even thousands. It’s a given that some will be taken and the farmers know this, it’s as sure as knowing that the sun will come up every morning. I think they plant some extra of them to offset those that they know that will get took. It’s a part of the natural food chain of life I do believe. I remember one time while I was fishing next to a melon patch when all of a sudden this truck pulled up with six or seven people in it. They jumped out and started loading that truck up as hard as they could go, how those people were going to eat all of them is beyond me. But I just stood there in pure amazement and if you ask me that was pure overkill. I don’t see anything wrong with one or two, but a truckload, that’s a bit too much.

 

    Anyhow I’m getting off course a bit. So anyway, without us saying anything, it was like each of us was reading the other one’s mind; we ran into that patch and started thumping melons as hard as we could go to find a good and ripe one. As we were thumping along on those melons, we heard the all so familiar hollow sound that we were listening for. Once this was accomplished, we busted that melon wide open on the ground and went straight for the heart of it. The heart of a watermelon is always the sweetest and has the most juice, and the fact that there aren’t any seeds in that part of it is an added bonus. I surely believe that it was the sweetest watermelon that I ever did eat too. With the juice running down our faces and a look of contentment and satisfaction too, we gorged ourselves for a long spell. Then we went looking for another and did the same to that one too.

 

    With our bellies full, and our hunger and thirst finally quenched, we sat in the shade of a tree and rested for a while. We laughed and talked about our great success and good fortune on finding this little field of heaven. After that we decided to go and Robert mentioned that it would be nice to take his mother one of these nice, juicy watermelons too. I had known Francis for a longtime and liked her just fine, and I also knew that she was always a good sport. I was in agreement with this but had an idea for a little practical joke to play on her at the same time. I told Robert about it but he wasn’t so sure if we should do it. He always liked a good joke too but to pull one on his mother was a little different, so I brought him around to my way of thinking after a while and he was all for it then.

 

   With me being a creative sort and a bit of a practical joker too, I came up with this plan. We found the biggest watermelon that we could find and I set to work on it. I took out my pocketknife, which I always had with me by the way, and cut the center of the melon down along the stripes to conceal the cuts. We then removed a plug out of it and removed all the insides out of that watermelon. When it was all scooped out, we replaced the insides with whatever we could find; dirt, rocks, oak leaves and twigs. We were getting great enjoyment out of this little arts and crafts project and laughing the whole time as we went along doing it. When we were finally finished, we gently replaced the plug and cleaned it up and it was ready for delivery.

 

   We took turns lugging that heavy dirt and rock filled melon all the way back to Robert’s house. Believe it or not, a watermelon full of dirt is a heck of a lot heavier than a regular one.

 

     When we finally did make it back to Robert’s house, we presented it to his mother with all the fanfare that we could muster without cracking up too much. The way that she knew us, I could see that she was a little suspicious over such a good deed but accepted it graciously anyways. We asked her if she wanted to go ahead and cut it because we wanted to enjoy her reaction to the big surprise. But to our horror and disappointment she cleaned out a spot in the refrigerator to make room for that huge dirt and rock filled fruit. Seems that she always liked to have her melon chilled before cutting and eating it. It sure would have been nice if Robert would have let me in on this bit of information, but I guess it slipped his mind. Anyhow, now this was a dilemma for me, one because I had to go home and wasn’t going to be there to see the unveiling so to speak. And two, after all that trouble she was going through with this booby-trapped melon, she was going to be surely mad as fire with us. Especially her knowing that I was probably the instigator in this little prank, because I usually always was. So I went home, worrying the whole way about what kind of hell I was going to catch for this one, from her and then Mama after she tells her about it.

 

     After a day or so without hearing anything, I decided to go back and take my medicine like a man. After being there a while and nothing was being said about it either way, I just had to bring it up; the suspense was killing me. I just had to know one way or the other, do or die you know. 

 

“Francis,” I said, “Did you cut that watermelon yet?” in a sheepish way.

 

“Why yes I did as a matter of fact, and you know what? It was the damnest thing, that watermelon was all full of dirt, oak leaves, and rocks. Now how do you think that happened?” Francis said with a little smirk.

 

   I wasn’t sure what to say or do then; I knew I was busted and for good. There wasn’t anyway out of it now. She then proceeded to tell how she waited till that watermelon was good and chilled and she had her heart set on eating some of that sweet, juicy watermelon. Then she put it on the table, got out her good, kitchen knife and started to cut that huge melon. It didn’t cut the best in the world for some reason or other but she kept at it. When she finally did get it opened up, all that dirt, rocks, oak leaves, and twigs fell out all over what was her once clean table. She was a little befuddled to start with but it wasn’t long before she knew that we had tampered with it.

 

    She started laughing and said that she wasn’t mad, but we did owe her a good one without all the extras. She was a good sport about it and always was with the stupid things that we always did. We got her a good one this time, courtesy of us, but we never did tell her where we got the next one from either. 

 

 

Reviews

[C.J. Klein]

And the moral of the story:

A watermelon full of dirt is a heck of a lot heavier than a regular one."


You are amazing. I seriously think you should consider pooling these wonderful stories together and publishing them as a collection. What a treasure they would be for years to come - as you immortalize certain elements of your youth. I realize some of your stories are fiction, but they could be a category all of their own. (But the autobiographical ones have been especially entertaining to me.) You were quite the prankster, Mr. O'Neal. Makes me think of a few stories of my own, as I was always up to no good growing up, and dragging my little sister into the midst of it seemed to be my goal in life.

Again, I love the humor and whimsical air to your words. They bring me to another era, entirely.

Nicely done.

[T. F. Rice]

TL:

This is not for me to say in detail, but only that I love this piece. I was torn about whether it would make this last cut or not, in the contest. It is long for us, but still I would consider for a summer 08 issue if you are still in possession of rights and willing to have it published. If so, email me at [email protected].

Your fond, genuine, fun story has a lot to say and you have done so in a calculating way, very professional and entertaining! Sadly, it it didnt make the winning spot in "The Other Herald's Summer Writing Contest". This was the last cut.

Thanks for your patience. We had tons and tons of submissions for this contest, and we read/considered every one. Feel free to submit in the future, to our contests on Writerscafe.org, or by email to [email protected]. If you submit there, please do so as text in the email, and include basic information, i.e. name as you wish it to appear if published, short bio, and mailing address (for free copies, which are payment in every case). TOH is a monthly publication of literary works, writing contests, submissions opportunities, columns, articles of interest to writers, and much more. Check us out any time on www.tfrice.etsy.com where there are some back issues available (to buy, or to look at anyways).

Most of all, be encouraged to "write on" and know your submission was appreciated much.

As I said, though, I would be interested in this piece for a summer 08 issue, if you are also interested in us as a publication. Check us out and let me know by emailing the piece to me, with any final revisions you see fit.

Kind regards,
T F Rice
Editor of THE OTHER HERALD

[Melissa Kliemann]

This is a cute story. Very creative and amusing. Did you actually do that? If not, you have a great imagination. It reminds me of the little moral-based stories we used to read in middle school. However, why the first paragraph? I'm a litlte bit confused by it. It seems preachy and doesn't have much to do with the rest of the story. It feels more like your personal opinion than something from the narrator. Overall, though, this is a great start of a story, and with some editing, I think it could be pretty good.

P.S.--I'm really sorry about taking so long with the Summer Stories contest. I just moved and I haven't had the chance yet to sit down and read/review stories. I should be done sometime soon, though.

[Cove Mitchell]

Amazing story you just pull me in every time and I'm just there in the story watching it all play out. Love it, but I do have one complaint. It made me really want a whole cold watermelon lol damn.

[Ashly Christen]

didnt she think it was oddly heavy?lolcute storyi bet ill remember this next time i eat watermelon

[Sean Allen]

This is the kind of story that warms our hearts. It reminded me about a southern friend who passed away forty years ago and used to tell stories about watermellons. Thank you!
Donn

[Christopher Tait]

You have the most unique stories, and the voice you use is always very easy in the conveyance of these stories. Seriously, you should collect these. They'd make an impressive, down-home kinda read, I think. Great job.

[Valerie Jones]

That is such a hilarious story. You have a great talent for making these short stories entertaining, innocent and funny.

There are a few little things that need editing:
"And these won�t just any kind of melons" - won't should be weren't.
"It being a hot muggy summer day" - the "it" is unnecesary at the beginning of this sentence.

"I surely believe that it was the sweetest watermelon that I ever did eat." - when writing an affirmative statement in the past, you only use did when you want to reassure a concept, but being that you are already using "surely", that reaffirmation becomes excessive. I would remove that "did" and use the verb in the past "that I ever ate"

"Our bellies full, and our hungry and thirst quenched" - should be "our hunger"

"Especially me knowing that I was probably the instigator in this little prank." - I suppose you are trying to say that she knew you were the instigator of the prank, so perhaps you could say "Especially with her knowing that I was..."

"She was a little befuddled to start with, and it won�t long before she knew that we had tampered with it." - "won't" should be "wasn't"

"but we did owe here a good one without all the extras" - just a typo on "here" - "her"

"but we never did tell her where we got that one from either." - the use of "did" here again becomes unnecesary since you are not stressing a point.

Really fun piece! Sorry it took me a while to get to it, but I am trying my best ;) Keep writing my friend, you always make me have some good laughs :)

[Jesse Lynn]

that's hilarious! I didn't know you could cut the heart out of a watermelon. Now you've got my evil little brain working...

[Colleen]

Cute. I marvel at the effort some people put into practical joking. :)

A few things though. I think you mean striped, not stripped. I had visions of watermelons without their skins. I also was a little thrown by the introduction of the name Francis, because it kinda flowed with the guy talking about his mother. So I was wondering if he called his own mother by her real name. That doesn't seem Southern to me! So I would just leave it in the second sentence where it's used, but remove it from the first.

[Ron Cole]

Really great story! I think every country lad did some "Watermellon Swiping"! I enjoyed this, and it took me back to my youth!!

I'm sorry I took so long to read this; I have been so busy with my small business that I've barely had time for anything else!